


A Harsh Heaven

by Accioseverus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adorable, Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 67,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27553159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accioseverus/pseuds/Accioseverus
Summary: Cieletterre Crown, a muggle-born witch, turned away from the Wizarding World after the First Wizarding War when it caused her her greatest loss and trauma, and chose to live life away from magic despite her love for it. One morning, she was sent a postcard, requesting for her to fill in a post at her old school, Hogwarts, as a Charm Professor. She accepted the job and found herself face-to-face again with the person she's been longing to see but at the same time, hated from the bottom of her hypothalamus, Severus Snape. But another old friend, Remus Lupin, also happened to be there which made her life back at Hogwarts bearable. Still, the petty side comments and segways, arguments with Snape went on and on until eventually, she found herself wanting to befriend him again like before.
Kudos: 2





	1. She's Leaving Home

**Author's Note:**

> 📌There are going to be a lot of inaccuracies like terms (I'm not English, most unfortunately, but I'll be careful and not overuse stereotypical English characteristics or swears like Blimey or whuteva).  
> 📌Her house Street and Town are made up. The town is pronounced Cah-ross.  
> 📌Her name, Leuna Cieletterre is pronounced Luna Sheleter, her nickname is Ciel which is pronounced Shel.  
> 📌Bear with my typos, I've proofread a lot of times but mistakes can still happen, forgive me? Huhu ಥ⌣ಥ  
> Anyway, more notes will be said shall I need to do so, for now, enjoy and thank you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new beginning chapter is written when she gets back to the world she belonged in as a teacher to young witches and wizards.

A bright day in a large town, gleeful laughter from the outside, and happy people interacting with each other loudly with bright smiles and animated gestures. Meanwhile in a house between all these fun interactions in the morning, is a sleeping woman wrapped tightly in a thick duvet, her eyes covered with a yellow sleeping mask. Cielettere is a muggle-born witch living in New Kingston, a lively Street in a large town, Carouse, in Britain, in a middle-class house near a lake ever since she was born. Although the Street was lively, colourful, and there might even be a rainbow everyday, she’s always seen it grey and dull as she’s never had made any friends, only having experienced company when she was accepted into a prestigious school of Witchcraft and Wizardry called Hogwarts. She couldn't have believed it then, a boring muggle like her — a witch? However, years back, twelve years specifically, she’s given up on being a witch and stayed in the muggle world instead despite having no friends there. Choosing to live as a normal human being, she kept her wand and books buried deep in her trunk that she never once opened again and lived normally as an English muggle in the neighbourhood she never got along well with.

“Stop it!” Cieletterre growled at the noise, a loud screeching and scratching against glass were slowly waking her up, “’Said make it stop!” She shouted again in a raspy, sleepy voice, but to no luck, the noise didn’t stop, it was like it was even mocking her as it got even louder. She groaned, finally forcing herself to sit up and look around her room; dandelion yellow-painted walls with a few posters, a soft-looking carpet, two doors which lead out the room and the other into the bathroom. A boudoir in the side of the room with a chair in front stacked with clothes she thought were neither dirty nor clean and across her bed was her wardrobe, oak and shiny reddish brown in colour. It was morning, she could tell although her dark curtains were blocking most of the sunlight from entering her room. The noise was coming from her window so she lazily got up and dragged herself towards it, slipping behind the curtain.

“An owl?” She said in surprise, immediately opening the window to let the large barn owl into her room, her drowsiness now had slipped away, “Did you bring a letter for me today?” She asked as the owl perched on her shoulder, “I haven’t received one of these since ages ago.” Muttering, she untied the envelope from the owl’s leg and it happily scooted ‘round her chamber and settled at her empty rack. She giggled at him before looking down at the envelope bearing her name in green ink, nicely written with her complete address. 

_Ms. Leuna Cieletterre Crown_  
_Second floor bedroom_  
_7th house on the third street, New Kingston_  
_Carouse, Great Britain_

She opened the letter and stared at, admiring the handwriting before actually bringing herself to read.

_Leuna Cieletterre Crown,_

_I hope this letter finds its way to you soon before July, I have made use of the best owl I could find, one of my most trusted, Barry. He’s had a long journey, you might want to feed him something before letting him fly back._ — She looked up from the letter to the owl who was busy scratching himself with his own beak, “Your name’s Barry?” She asked, and the owl made happy noises, she giggled before returning to the letter — _As for my main point, I am short of a charms teacher as our old professor, Filius Flitwick, had finally decided to relieve his duties and I know just how much he’d love to know you were his successor. I know you’ve been out bound by the magics of the Wizarding World but I am in hope of your return — not only were you the best student in charms in your years at Hogwarts but you were also very keen with teaching your fellow students as I’ve recalled. Send me a letter back if you’ve decided, miss Crown. I do hope to see you again in the premises and I wish you a good day._

_Hoping to hear back from you,_  
_Albus Dumbledore._

She stared at the letter, reading her old Headmaster’s name again, _Albus Dumbledore. Should I come back?_ She thought to herself as she folded the parchment back into its envelope. She sighed heavily, getting up and holding her arm out to the barn owl, “Com’ere, Barry.” She sweetly smiled, “I’ll get you something to eat while I decide.” The owl wasted no time in letting himself perch on Ciel’s arm and they carefully made it to her kitchen.

"Do you think I should go back, Barry?” She muttered to the owl as she pet him sweetly, watching him eat the only food she could think of giving Barry. “I’m sorry you have to eat bread.” She added and the owl nevertheless brought his head to Ciel’s hand and let her pet him. She smiled, “Is that you saying I should accept Dumbledore’s request, Barry?” The owl gave a sweet, short hoot before returning to finish his bread. She quietly laughed and without wasting any time, she grabbed a piece of paper and started scribbling.

_Professor Albus Dumbledore,_

_Thank you for sending Barry, professor. I’ve definitely missed seeing owls with tied letters. I’ve fed him some bread, I hope that’s alright. I don’t have anything else available here._  
_I am flattered to know you still remembered me as a student, Professor, and I did love charms back in Hogwarts, enjoying the fact that I could also teach my fellow students the spells when they’re struggling to do so. I always thought charms class was my thing and always wanted to pursue it. I_ —

She stopped writing, looking up at the owl, “You don’t reckon Severus is still there, do you, Barry?” She whispered and the owl turned to her, and she probably imagined it, but his yellowish eyes screamed judgment, “Is he still there?” She asked again but the owl only stared back at her soul, she sighed, “Last time I remember, he was teaching there as a Potions teacher. I should ask the Headmaster.”

— _am more than willing to accept_ [she continued on writing] _your invitation to teach Charms. But if I may ask, Professor Dumbledore, is Severus Snape there?_

_Yours sincerely,_  
_Cielettere Crown._

After the owl had eaten as much bread as he could handle, she tied her letter around his leg and brought it to the window, “Fly back safe, Barry, alright?” She smiled, petting him again before watching him fly away across the bright sunny sky until he became smaller and smaller, eventually disappearing.

Feeling a mixture of anxiety and nostalgia, she pulled a trapdoor open outside her room and climbed up the stairs. As though the luggage knew she was looking for it, she was able to spot it easily along the other dusty boxes, a few dust bunnies dancing here and there. She pulled it away from the other stocks and dusted it, the air filling with white dusts and particles floating around as she can see through the sunlight that was peeking through the small window.

She unlocked the luggage after a few sneezes and her neatly fixed books greeted her, they looked new, loved, and taken care of as ever, she let her fingers ran on their dustless covers, missing the feeling of opening and reading these books. Finally, her eyes landed on a long, rectangular box, magenta in colour, tied with black thin ribbons. She reached for it and untied it excitedly, this was how it felt like when she had gotten her first wand when she was eleven and at this very moment, she was feeling the same sensations again as the first time — the warmth, content, and excitement.

She opened the box revealing her beech wood, 12 ½ inches long wand with a dragon heartstring core, she took it out, holding it firmly on her hand and fresh air came whoozing on her insides — or she must’ve imagined it but she did feel relieved and happy.

Pointing it at an old music box, she said, “ _Evanesco!_ ” and jumping a little in surprise — mostly excitement, she got up, “Oh my god, I still got it!” She exclaimed, looking at the top of the stacked boxes where the now vanished music box was placed a moment ago, looking to her side as if imagining someone was there and praising her.

++🌻++

Another letter came today, a week after the last and this time, Barry was carrying her train ticket with her and a small package. She looked confusedly at the tickets; teachers don’t ride with students to school so why was she given a ticket? Maybe the Headmaster wanted to make travel easier for her.

“Will you be flying back to Hogwarts or would you rather ride with me there?” She asked the black and brown-spotted owl and he hooted happily, she didn’t know what it meant but she just assumed he liked the idea of the latter. Opening the envelope addressed to her again from Hogwarts, she started reading the letter.

_Professor Leuna Cieletterre Crown,_

_I’ve sent Barry a small package of food_ [“Oh, that’s what it is.”], _I assume he’ll be riding with you to Hogwarts, that should last a week._

_I am delighted to receive your letter of acceptance. I’ve already sent you a train ticket, classes start next week and you should be able to find yourself a seat along with the students travelling by the train._

_As for your question, no, Severus is not here._

_G_ _ood day, and see you in a week’s time!_

_Wishing you a safe trip to Hogwarts,_  
_Albus Dumbledore_

“Yes!” Relief once again filled her insides as she read the second to the last paragraph of the letter, “Severus is not there, Barry! God, I thought I was going to endure a year seeing him around… Now come on, are you hungry? Let’s open your package.”

++🌻++

Just as how fast the week after Ciel first got her letter passed by, this week also passed by like a blur, she’d spent the days in Diagon Alley to buy new things she thought she might need, scanning her books, packing her things, and making sure her house is fully secured, “I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone… I don’t even know if I’ll still be back, but I’ll try.” She muttered to herself as she locked the door.

Finally, she had found herself standing at King Cross Station at Platform 9 and ¾. Multiple students of different ages rushing in the train, some first years still outside being pepped talk by their parents. It made her remember her years as a student as well. Her mum and dad being excited for her first school year, them being fascinated about the barrier for the 9 ¾ platform, everything was exciting for the three of them the first, the second, even until the last school year — everything never seemed to get old, it felt like living in magical, fantasy book.

The loud steam engine echoed in her ears and finally tearing her eyes off a bunch of students, she let herself in.

She walked pass compartment after compartment before finally settling in an almost empty one, a man was seated by the window, peacefully sleeping. He looked tired, his hair was all over the place, a bit pale, his face had scars across it, and his clothes were a bit ragged, she knew him, she knew that face all too well, “Lupin?” She murmured but the man seemed to be deep in his sleep. “Remus.” She tried to call again, this time poking his arm a little, but the man didn’t budge. She smiled, seating across him. “Must be tired. Wasn’t it that time of the month last night?” She mumbled, “Poor thing.”

She looked at his worn-out face along with its scars etched across and not long after, the sound of rushing footsteps became louder and louder and she looked to see a girl with huge curls in her hair, opening the compartment door, “Hello.” She greeted, “Can we… The rest of the train compartments are full.”

“Of course.” Ciel smiled watching the girl along with her orange, tiger-like, and healthy-looking cat settle in, followed immediately by a red-head, and a boy wearing round glasses, Harry Potter as she’d recognized by his scar. James’s carbon copy. She mentally smiled, _except the eyes are Lily’s_. Harry noticed her staring before sitting a few inches beside her. “Do you want to switch seats with me so all three of you are sitting together?” Ciel asked and the girl hesitantly nodded, “Would that be alright?” 

Ciel just nodded and got up, letting the two kids transfer to her seat and she settled next to Remus. “Who d’you reckon he is?” The red-head asked his friend in a hushed voice, looking at Remus. “Professor R.J Lupin,” The girl said, “It’s on his case.”

They started murmuring some more and Ciel didn’t pay any more attention to their conversation but overhearing bits and pieces when they speak up, she had her nose stuck up in a book, reading, and she only looked up once at them with a smile when a loud whistling was heard which was coming from a sneakoscope, and then she went back to reading again when it was silenced. Ciel looked up from her book again when the door opened, an old lady pushing a trolley filled with various sweets was standing outside, “Anything from the trolley, dears?” She asked, looking around at all of them. The three bought everything they needed and the red-head spoke in an anxious voice, looking worriedly at the man beside her, “Do you think we should wake him up? He looks like he could do with some food.” 

Ciel silently snorted though she tried hard to hide it behind her book, “Er —professor? Excuse me, professor —“ Ciel looked at the girl, closing her book slightly with her fingers between the pages where she paused, “Don’t worry about him, dear. He’s very healthy _(I think)_ , just a little tired. He should wake up when he’s hungry.” She beamed at the girl. “Oh… Right, do you want anything too… Uhmmm… Miss…?”

“I’m good for now.” Ciel answered with a grin. They sat back down on their seats and she started reading again, their voices muffling out from her ears. Not long after, the door slammed open and Ciel flinched a bit, looking up very slightly in curiosity, three boys stood there, _must be their over-excited friends too,_ she thought, ignoring them again and going back to her book.

“And who’s that, your new friend?” A boy spat, somehow catching her attention, she slowly placed her book down and looked the boy from head to toe, he looked awfully familiar, platinum blonde hair, snarky face. Must be someone’s son from school. “Can I help you?” Ciel asked in a calm voice. The boy looked hesitant and frozen, “What year are you on?” She asked again with a small, unbothered smile. He looked nervously to the other three in the compartment before turning slightly to the other boys on either side of him, he muttered to them and walked away, closing the compartment door. She looked back at the three students, the redhead with slightly parted lips, in front of her and smiled before returning to her book. But like as if she’s not destined to have some peace so she could read, the train suddenly came to an abrupt stop, loud bangs echoing as luggages fell down from their racks, suddenly, all the lamps went out and Barry, the owl Dumbledore sent her, started screeching, “Calm down, Barry. Shh, shh.” She said comfortingly and the owl obeyed almost immediately. “What’s going on?” One of the boys panicked, Ciel couldn’t see a thing even though she tried hard to squint in the dark. “Ouch, Ron that was my foot!” The girl exclaimed irritably, followed by a small huff of air. Ciel got up, taking out her wand and lighting its tip, she turned to Remus who was still fast asleep, she sighed and shook her head slightly before turning to the three kids. “Calm down, you three. Stay in here with Professor Lupin, alright?” She said and the kids nodded, “I’ll try to see what’s wrong, if something troubling happens, wake him up; he’s a heavy sleeper so slap him if you need to.” She said with a slight amusement in her voice, causing them to giggle, and with that, she walked out their train compartment.

She was going to the driver but got distracted and went instead to a different compartment where students were stifling cries, frightened first years, she assumed. She sat with them in their compartment with a light at the tip of her wand, “Calm down, you’ll be fine. We’ll be arriving soon, okay? Don’t worry.” She assured the students and thankfully, they all calmed down after a bit. She got up and was about to walk out again when a really cold feeling swarmed in her body. “Dementors.” She muttered, knowing the effects the creature has on people. She just hoped Lupin was awake and was taking care of the other kids. She sat back with the first years, she was turning pale herself, hearing her worst memory in her mind and the room slightly spinning, but she tried to focus on the students to stay awake and not that long after, the train started moving again, the lights have gone back and it also seems like the dementors were gone. Since there were only a few minutes left before they arrive, she stayed with the first years for the rest of it, chewing a piece of chocolate she had to ask from a student to save her freezing insides.

When they got off the train, she immediately spotted Hagrid, towering over everyone else and ushering first years to go with him. "Hagrid!” Ciel energetically called to him and he beamed at her once he recognized her, “Cieletterre!” Hagrid exclaimed and other students turned to her too as they waved at each other, “Good to see you again!” She replied with a grin before walking along the trail of older students that were about to get on the carriage. She was also furtively looking around for Remus it was like looking for a needle in an overly crowded street. That man was tall so she was a bit confused as to why she couldn’t find him in this pool of shorter students.

She walked to the lane where the awaiting carriages were at and she’d let out a loud gasp before she could even stop herself, there were horse-like creatures with leathery wings and skeletal body. She walked closer towards one, staring at it in awe, “We never had these before… The carriages used to move without ever needing horses.” She whispered to herself as she examined its skinless body and hollow eye sockets, “What are these?”

“Uhm, miss, are you riding with us?”

She turned her head to see the girl she shared the compartment with, “Oh, right,” she said, hastily lifting herself up to the coach, “Thank you.” She added, looking at the other students she was with. She looked around, hoping to see Remus but gave up after a few minutes and her neck started aching from turning and turning, maybe she’d just imagine the man being there, and the kids happened to have imagined him too. “Is everything alright?” Ciel asked, looking at a weary-looking Potter. “He passed out on the train,” Hermione answered for him, “it was the dementor.” Ciel looked worriedly at Harry, “Does anyone have any chocolate?” She asked, looking at the other students who slowly shook their heads. “Professor R.J. Lupin already gave him a piece.” Ron replied and she felt relieved: first, because Harry was alright, second, because she didn’t just imagine Remus being there. It felt like forever but they finally reached the school. The students she was with were hurrying down the coach before she followed afterwards, the excited murmurs of students that she heard from the Platform back in London were all that she could hear again. It felt nice for her to be home again and she was excited for this new chapter. 

She was busy looking at the students cramp in and at the same time looking up at the high walls when a familiar, comforting voice called her name, making her spun around at once to the direction of the voice. “Professor!” She shouted with joy, jogging a little towards the Headmaster, “Oh, I missed it he–“ She came to a halt when she spotted a person behind Dumbledore. “Sev — Professor, you said he wasn’t here!” Snape peered over Dumbledore’s shoulders and furrowed his eyebrows at Ciel, looks like he didn’t expect to see her too. After all, Dumbledore only told Snape he was greeting an old friend.

“Oh, I thought your question meant if he was here with me at the moment that I was reading that letter and so I wrote back, _no, he isn’t here._ He did have his summer break too.” Dumbledore said, a playful spark was tinkling in his pair of blue eyes. Cieletterre glared at Severus who was just looking at her with cold eyes. _Oh, he’s slick, slick,_ she thought, never once did she imagine she’d be tricked by the Headmaster.

“Don’t you think it’s time to make up?” Dumbledore’s gaze jumped between the two, both scoffing at his suggestion. “Go on, shake hands, you’ll be working together.” He added, his voice with a tiny hint of amusement. The two just stared at each other with a ‘never-in-a-million-years’ look. 

“Professor Dumbledore!” An old lady’s voice caused all three of them to turn to the person who was Professor McGonagall. “Oh, Crown! How long has it been?” She smiled widely as she saw Ciel, “Hello, professor McGonagall.” She pulled her into a quick hug, “I think Lupin’s also here, I saw him at the train. Could’ve been a dream though.” She said and McGonagall laughed, “He’s here, dear. In the Hall. Now come on, I would like to have a chat but I believe we’re now needed in there, the first years are about to arrive.” And with that, they all walked together, Ciel and Severus behind Dumbledore and McGonagal; the former were both silent while the two in front of them chatted happily.

Once they made it to the Great Hall, she immediately found her old friend, “Remus!” She called to him and luckily, Remus heard her above the noise and he turned, a grin didn’t take long to appear on his face when he saw her. She ran to him, forgetting about Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, and even the students in the crowded hall and pulled him in a hug, Remus returning it just as tight, maybe even more, lifting her slightly off the ground, “I’ve missed you!” She said once they’ve broken apart, “How long has it been?” He asked, just as excited as her. “12 years.” She answered, sighing. 

Dumbledore turned to Snape, “You would have gotten the same greeting had you just say you were sorry.” He teased, earning himself a scowl from Snape who just looked disgustingly at the two before walking behind the long table and settling down. All eyes seemed to be at Remus and Ciel, and Professor Dumbledore just smiled when she met his eyes, “We’ll talk later, okay?” Remus said and she nodded, walking back to Dumbledore’s side, McGonagall was nowhere now and Snape was seated next an empty seat. She looked around the table, hoping for any other empty seats but unfortunately, Snape’s side was the only free seat.

She huffed, walking behind the table and furtively rolling her eyes at Snape before sitting beside him. The sorting began but instead of Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore was assisting it, she was nowhere to be seen. 

At first, she was looking impressively at the students, remembering how she used to be seated at the long student tables too instead of the teachers’ table, even recalling every word she and the hat has exchanged the moment it sat on her head. But after a while, it was getting mildly uncomfortable for Cieletterre to be sitting there, albeit she did enjoy seeing new students joining Gryffindor house, Snape’s presence was irritating her, he was so cold and expressionless — it was like seating next to a human dementor and she was convinced he’ll be sucking the happy out from her any minute now.

“Will you stop that?” She finally asked, whispering, Snape tilted his head down a bit to look at her, an eyebrow arched, “Stop what, may I ask?"

“That! Glaring at all the students and only clapping — still grimly, when a new student is sorted in Slytherin.” She rolled her eyes at the man whose lips twitched into a small smirk, “I may be having a difficulty to grasp what you’re trying to say.” He said lazily, before bringing his gaze back to the students. 

After an eternity of the sorting, Dumbledore finally walked behind a podium, silencing everyone at once. “Welcome, welcome everyone,” he started in a loud, booming voice that echoed throughout the huge Hall, “Now, I’d like to say a few words before we become completely fuddled by our excellent feast. First, I am pleased to welcome three new members of our staffs, firstly, Professor RJ Lupin, who’s kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher,” he gestured towards Lupin, who got up and smiled at everyone, Ciel, along with all the students, were clapping supportively, a wide smile on her face, until Dumbledore spoke again, “Good luck, Professor… Second, Professor Cielettere Crown —” her stomach twisted and she suddenly wanted to back out from teaching, she glared at Snape when she heard him sniggering aa quiet as he could, “—who will be taking our former Charms Professor, Filius Flitwick’s post, as he’s unable to fill in for this year.”

Dumbledore now gestured to her and she got up, smiling at everyone and waving a bit with her shaking hand before sitting back down, immediately gasping for air, “And lastly, our own Gamekeeper, Rubeus Hagrid, who will be taking over Care for Magical Creatures.” She clapped loudly for Hagrid, who clumsily got up, hitting the table on the process and making the utensils rattle, a few students laughed. “Now finally,” the Headmaster spoke again, when everyone quieted down, “As requested by the ministry, Hogwarts will, until further notice, play host to the dementors of Azkaban, until such a time Sirius Black is captured —”

She has heard about Sirius a few weeks ago, given the fact that he was also wanted in the muggle world. She looked worriedly over at Remus who returned a sad smile at her. Sirius had been their friend when they were in Hogwarts and the news about him betraying Lily and James was so not like him. He just wasn’t the type. Or maybe he’s changed —influenced by the Dark Lord.

++🌻++

“Professor Crown.” Cieletterre warily turned around, expecting a student, only to see Remus’s skyscraper-like tall figure, she rolled her eyes with a smile, “Cut with the formalities, Professor _R.J_. Lupin.” She laughed, waiting for him to catch up to her. “Just thought you’d like the sound of that title, you did say you always wanted to try teaching.” They started walking down the halls together, since students were expected to be back in their towers, the place was practically empty now except for a few teachers who were also roaming around. “I did say that.” She giggled, “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

“Yeah, well, we haven’t exactly talked since…” “Yeah, yeah, sorry.” She nervously laughed, looking down at her feet while they stroll. “Your uh…” She started, “How are you going to manage through full moons?”

“Snape will be giving me a wolfsbane potion.” He said, shrugging a bit, “Snape? Really?” Ciel asked in disbelief, “How did he agree to that?” “Well, Dumbledore, of course, has talked to him.” Cieletterre let out a snort, “Bet he flipped hard. D’you reckon he threw a tantrum in his room —”

“After you’re done talking about me —” Both Cieletterre and Remus turned around to see Snape, his expression angrier than how it was a while ago when they were asked by Dumbledore to shake hands, “— I need to accompany Miss Crown to her room —” “Remus can do that —” “— _As_ assigned to me by the Headmaster.” 

Ciel rolled her eyes and turned to Remus, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said, giving him a quick hug, “And I’ve missed you. Good to see you again.” Snape’s face slightly contorted at the view, looking away as if the act was the most disgusting PDA he’s ever seen in his entire existence. “I’ve missed you too, Ciel. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” Remus replied with a warm smile she hasn’t realized she’s missed seeing before tonight. “So, wolfsbane, huh?” She said when she and Snape have walked away from Lupin, “Remus… Wow, that’s really sweet of you.” She sniggered while Snape was completely ignoring her. “Thanks for taking care of my friend,” She said, half-sincere and half just trying to annoy him, “it’s like a crossover between my two childhood friends —” “Do you ever stop talking?” He asked, glaring down at her figure, “Not really, no.”

She came to an abrupt stop, stretching her arm in front of Snape to make him stop too, “What is wrong with you?” He asked, pushing her arm, which have hit his stomach, down to her side. “I need to go to the hospital wing first,” she said, a little panicky, “I can’t sleep without —“

“It’s in your office, I’ve already brought it there.” He said in exasperation, “Oh.” She muttered, chuckling a bit, “Thanks, I guess.”

The rest of the walk was silent until they reached her office which was up on the seventh floor next to the Charms classroom. She opened her door slowly before hesitantly looking over her shoulder to see Snape still waiting for her to get in, “Thanks.” She said, “Night.” And with that, she closed the door, staying in front of it for a few more seconds before eyeing her office. A mahogany desk was facing the door and behind it was a comfortable leather, office chair, behind the chair was a shelf, she could already imagine what the office would look like once she’d finished unpacking. The walls were painted in dark red blood and it was empty which only meant more space for her posters. She was thankful there weren’t any portraits, she didn’t like the feeling of being watched. She walked farther in, and behind the birch tree shelf was another door that lead to her room. She got in, revealing navy blue walls and a comfortable double bed covered in a sophisticated blue sheets and beside it were her luggage. Deciding to do the unpacking tomorrow, she changed into her pyjamas and went to bed.


	2. A Dream of Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cieletterre talks to Snape about his attitude toward students but it turns into a petty argument. This chapter will also include a dream she had that includes Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting for the second part!

Waking up in Hogwarts the next morning, for some reason, felt a little brighter than it had been whenever she wakes up in New Kingston — maybe it was just because she felt like Hogwarts was home or that the dreamless sleep potion was ensuring her a good sleep from now on, but no matter the reason, she feels very energized and ready to teach. Since Ciel had plenty of time before breakfast, she started unpacking her things first and by the time she's done, various books — educational and just random novels filled her shelf along with a few photographs and figurines. Her walls were plastered with a few band posters — Queen, The Beatles, The Smiths, and The Rolling Stones. Already satisfied, she walked out her office just in time for breakfast, luckily, she wasn't seated next to Snape anymore, Lupin had saved her a seat beside him so they could talk longer than time has allowed them to last night. Their conversation, however, did not pick up from where it was cut off, but on Sirius.

“I’ve heard about Sirius a few weeks ago on the news, at first I thought I was just imagining it because why would a wizard be in a muggle news — it didn’t make any sense,” she said in a low, hushed voice, “I was quite worried at first but then I remembered, he was their secret keeper. How do you think he got out of Azkaban?" She asked Remus who was mindlessly playing with the food on his plate. He lifted his head up to her, shrugging slightly. "I think he might be after James's son though, I heard he kept saying, 'Hogwarts' repeatedly when he was locked up. Maybe he's trying to finish what he's started." 

Cieletterre looked worriedly towards the Gryffindor table where James's son, Harry Potter, is seated surrounded by friends, he was chatting with them, his hair as messy as his dad’s has been. “But… you have doubts, don’t you?” She quietly said, looking down at her plate to avoid eye contact, “You don’t want to accept…”

“You promised to stop doing that.” He said seriously, eyeing her. Ciel muttered an apology, putting her fork down and smiling slightly at Remus. He sighed before saying, "I'm trying to keep a look out at him." Ciel nodded, watching him pick up his fork and feeding himself with the piece of meat. "You should be careful too, Remus. He killed Peter, our friend, he could do the same to you without hesitation if you get in his way,” she said worriedly before adding in a slightly playful tone, hoping it would eliminate the seriousness she had just caused when he’d reminded her of her promise, “but he might give you a bit of consideration because you were Yon’s favourite among the boys —" She looked confusedly at Lupin when he snorted, "What?" 

"Didn’t know you still called him Yon," He smiled, "the nickname." Ciel blinked a couple of times, "Oh. Right. Orion, then." She said, "But anyway, be careful, you." 

"Don't worry, I can handle myself. You?" 

"I think I'm also capable of self-defence, I may have not opened my books for years but the spells are still pretty fresh in my mind." 

Breakfast came to an end quickly and now they were off to their classes. The way to the classroom wasn't that hard to find, Ciel still remembered every turns like as if her Hogwarts years as a student were just yesterday. "Good luck." Ciel told Remus as he stopped on the third floor while Ciel continued walking upstairs to the seventh floor where her room was next to her office. She sighed, standing outside the door before walking in, immediately greeted by her first ever class. "Good morning, second year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws," Ciel greeted back as she placed her books down on her desk, "settle down, please... Now, I'd like to say a few words — some rules perhaps, see, I'm not very good with wording lessons, so you'll barely hear me explaining things with too much details, but I'm working on getting used to it," she took her wand out from her pocket and held it up gracefully, her pinky finger raised, "Our lessons, will be taught mostly through demonstrations — that is why I'm going to need not just your ears, but your eyes as well." She smiled at the pair of Hufflepuffs who were murmuring and they both stopped, smiling back nervously, "I get jealous pretty quick, ms. Habersberg, if you're giving your attention to someone else so I ask you not to," she jokingly said, making a few students giggle. "So anyway, if you'll be taking notes, don't copy everything I say word for word, just the clue words — like flick, steady, patterns, and the spell itself. Not to worry about essays and homeworks, you're allowed to answer them with your own words and your own interpretations. But books can be guides as well and a little bit of mnemonics won't hurt. So, that's all I got to say for now, to start today's very first lesson, can I please ask everyone to take out their wands?" And the room was filled with the students shuffling on their seats with their bags, pockets, and notebooks, quills, and other class materials. The day went on nice and students from each of her class left the room with satisfied grins — a few burns too maybe. Now that it was time for dinner again, she headed to Lupin's office first so she could walk with him —unfortunately bumping into Snape instead. "Why are you everywhere?" She groaned, turning to the other way before she could even hear him reply. When she got to Remus’s office, it was already empty so she went to the Great Hall, assuming he already was there and she was right. She spotted Remus beside two empty seats so she went to sit beside him. Not a moment later, Snape walked in and as he looked around for an empty seat, he crinkled his nose annoyed at the one beside Ciel. They met gazes when he walked toward the seat beside her, she just ignored him and went back to chatting with Remus who was sharing about his experience for today. 

"I heard there's been an accident in the Care for Magical Creatures class with Hagrid, did you happen to know?" Ciel worriedly asked Remus when their conversation about today's experiences have ended, "Yeah, a hippogriff attacked a boy from Slytherin." He looked at the house's table, "I think they're talking about it." He added, furtively pointing at the group of students. She looked at them and noticed that the silver-haired boy wasn't among the group while his two friends from the train were seated there with their mount of food, so she asked, "Was it perhaps the blonde boy — uhm, the nice platinum blond hair?" Lupin nodded and she just scrunched her nose, "Don't like him very much — which is wrong because I’m a teacher and should like everyone BUT —” she raised a finger, “He asked me who I was with a very rude tone on the train yesterday — must've thought I was a student." She said, "And the three students we were with in the compartment seemed to be annoyed by their presence as well."

“You were at the compartment with me?” He asked, surprised. Ciel laughed, “Yes, you were deep in your sleep though,” she took a sip of her pumpkin juice before adding, “the first time I saw you was on the train too, and now after years, we met on the train again. Maybe that’s why Dumbledore let me took the train.” She grinned before turning back to the Slytherin table, “By the way, the boy was familiar. The boy that got attacked.”

"He's a Malfoy." Said Lupin and that's when she realized why the kid looked so familiar, "Lucius Malfoy's son? Lucius — the Slytherin Prefect?" Lupin nodded. She frowned before finally focusing on her food, slightly turning her head to Snape who immediately averted his gaze. She scowled, "Stop being nosy." 

"We're both aware I wouldn't waste a second listening to you." He simply replied. "Oh, right. I forgot you never listen to anything I say, even back in 1st year —" 

She got cut off by Lupin's coughing, making the two turn to him — he seemed to have choked on his drink and there were a few spills on the table, "Really? You two are going to talk about that right now, right here?" 

"Talk about what?" She asked innocently before returning to her meal, ignoring the two men on either side of her who looked at each other for a few seconds before going back to eating. 

++🌻++

"Professor Crown?" She stopped fumbling with her books on the desk and looked up at the three students she sat with on the train along with Lupin a couple days ago, standing at her door. With a smile, she replied, "Come in... Yes, miss Granger —" She'd learned their names from their first meeting last Tuesday, "— May I help you?" The two boys she was with, Arthur’s son, Weasley and James's, Potter, seemed to have been forced to accompany their friend. 

"We wanted to ask about the assignment, professor." She said, "We heard you changed the deadline and thought we should confirm." She smiled at her, "I did, ms. Granger. You can submit earlier but the final deadline's Tuesday next week." "Thanks, professor." Hermione beamed sweetly, "You're welcome. Aren't you three going to get lunch yet?"   
"We were about to go, do you want to walk with us, professor?" Hermione asked, "Sure. I'll just fix my things." The three nodded, watching her stack books and finally, they all walked towards the Hall, "Is it true you were in Gryffindor, professor?" Asked Potter and she nodded gleefully at him, "Yes, along with Professor Lupin." 

"Are you married, professor?" Ron asked making her laugh, "That's an out-of-bound question but no, I'm not." She replied, he quietly gasped, looking sheepishly at her, "Oh, I thought you were professor Lupin's." She shook her head with a small laugh, "No, we're good friends, your Professor and I." 

"Honestly, Ron, didn't you see them hug in the great hall at dinner? It was like an, 'I missed you' hug. She wouldn’t have hugged him there if they’re married and seeing each other at home." Hermione sassily said, rolling her eyes at her friend who shrugged, Ciel let out a laugh again, "Yes, I suppose it was an 'I missed you' hug, I haven't seem him for more than a decade so I kinda got carried away when I saw him, I couldn't hug him in the train — he was deeply asleep, wasn't he?" They nodded altogether. "We're having Defence Against the Dark Arts this afternoon, I'm excited to see how Professor Lupin teaches!" Hermione said, "We get new teachers every year for the subject, they said it was jinxed." 

"Really?" Ciel frowned, looking down at Ron whose untrimmed hair was bouncing slightly over his head as he nodded, "Maybe it's just a coincidence." She assured them, although she knew it wasn’t just a coincidence, she too never had a permanent Professor for that subject when she was a student, "I'm sure you'll enjoy professor Lupin's way of teaching, he's very nice, don't get intimidated by him."   
"I think he'll be nice too, he made that dementor gp away, di’n’t he?" Ron said to Harry who nodded immediately, causing his glasses to slide lower down on his nose, Ciel smiled at him sympathetically, "Are you feeling alright, Harry?" She asked him, "Yes, professor." Harry answered. "Although we did have a bad experience at Sn — at another subject today..." He immediately said when Hermione nudged him slightly from mentioning any names. 

_“With Snape.”_

She drew a small smirk on her lips, "Potions, perhaps?" The three looked nervously at each other, making her giggle, "Don't worry, I won't tell on you. Do you not like potions?" 

"It might be enjoyable — it's just that... the teacher." Said Ron through gritted teeth, "He made Neville cry again, he did." 

"What did he do?" She asked curiously and the three started explaining about how Snape was scolding Longbottom and how he took away five points from Gryffindor just because Hermione helped her classmate so his pet toad wouldn't get poisoned. "That old git." She whispered to herself, her hands curled into a fist, "Is he always like that?" She questioned and they nodded again, Harry and Ron indignantly. "He'd take away points from all the houses for the smallest reasons except his own—Slytherin." 

"Are you friends with him, Professor?" Hermione asked before Ron could add more complaints about Snape. Ciel hesitated, surely, she can't tell students she's not in good terms with a co-teacher so she just smiled at her. Thankfully, they reached the great hall before Hermione could repeat the question and they walked to their sits while Ciel sat with the teachers. 

Lupin wasn't around the Hall. She settled on an empty seat beside Hagrid, who, despite his beetle black eyes and heavily bearded face, was visibly looking worried, "You alright, Hagrid?" She asked in a hush voice, "Still worried about the Malfoy kid?" Hagrid sighed, putting down his fork, the name was enough to worsen his feeling as he drawled on, "I might get sacked." 

"Ridiculous, Dumbledore wouldn't let that happen." She told him but Hagrid only returned a small, strained smile. "You'll be fine, Hagrid." She placed an assuring hand on his forearm huge forearm, "Thanks, Professor Crown." Hagrid sniffed with a sincere smile this time, she let out a short laugh, "Ciel's alright, Hagrid." 

They went on eating, Ciel glancing frequently at the entrance to the Hall, expecting Lupin to come in any minute now. She was also checking, every minute, the empty seat next to professor Trelawney, like as if hoping Lupin would just suddenly appear there. "Did you see Remus?" She finally asked Hagrid when there was barely 10 minutes left before lunch was over, "I don't think he ate his lunch." 

"'e did, 'e jus' ate earlie'. Said he 'ad somethin' to take care of fo' his lessons." Hagrid said and Cieletterre just nodded. After lunch, she walked towards her classroom, taking the parchments that her last class before lunch has handed her. She was still hoping to catch Lupin on the way, although her watch was now deeming it unlikely as his classes have probably started. Since her first hour after lunch for today was vacant, she decided to go to the more comfortable staff room to finish marking the works that she was bearing in her arms. 

"Fuck–" She had accidentally slipped a _curse_ word when she saw a man's figure inside the room which turned out to be Snape's. "To what do I owe the displeasure of having you here?" He asked with a small smirk on the edge of his lips, "This happened to be the staff room, _Professor_." She answered through gritted teeth, walking to a table at the very corner and putting down all the parchments. "Don't you have a new kid to bully this afternoon?" She sarcastically asked Snape while she jams the parchments in the drawers — hoping to finish it next time since she didn't feel like being alone with Snape right now. She turned to him when he gave no reply, he was facing his back on her, "I heard you've been humiliating a certain student — is that really what you've become now?" Her tone was now in a scolding manner, "What made you think that's alright? Like, the thought process that happens before you do it, I kinda wanna know —" 

"Are you done with the questions?" He asked coolly without turning his head, she rolled her eyes at him, "Always senseless during an argument." She muttered under her breath. "Senseless?" Snape said, almost begrudgingly amused, "If _my_ memory serves me right — which it does — _you_ are the one who often reply with a scoff, an eye roll, or even a 'goodbye' whenever we argued over something years ago," He added in a very exasperated manner, "and did you just delete from your memory what _I_ do? Ask what's wrong a _thousand_ times, explicate my side _endlessly_ , apologize _all_ the time —" 

"Apologize?” She cut off through his speech in a loud voice of revolted disbelief and disgust, “Defending yourself isn't apologizing, Snape." 

"I'm merely letting you understand my side —but either way, what I do's better than suddenly saying goodbye without even giving the slightest effort to try and talk —" 

"Oh, is the room taken?" The two arguing Professors turned to Lupin who was poking his head in through the small opening of the door, " _No_ , it's very much vacant." Ciel snapped at a clueless Lupin before glaring at Snape. "Are you okay?" Lupin asked her quietly while she hurriedly crammed the parchments inside the drawer, "I'm _fine_." She muttered although her face was slightly flushed, cursing under her breath when the drawer got stuck. "We'll talk later, okay?" Lupin told her. "Yeah, sure.” She said with no commitment at all, “Good luck with your class." The room was now filled with the sound of shuffling pairs of shoes as students walked inside, each couldn't help but murmur when they took notice of their Potions Professor, Snape in the room as well as their Charms Professor, Ciel. "I'll get going." She finally said to Lupin after finally closing the drawer with a spell, she walked to him, lightly squeezing his arm, "I'll see you." She turned to the students who were all examining her annoyed state and reddened face, "Goodluck, third years." She told them, eyeing everyone and lingering over the three Gryffindors, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, a second longer. "Enjoy your lesson with professor Lupin." She managed a smile and they all smiled back and said their goodbyes to the professor.

++🌻++

Exactly how perfect her first day at being a teacher in Hogwarts was, the next day was the complete opposite, it turned out that the fact that she and Snape were alone in the staff room spread throughout the whole school like a wildfire, students kinda thought it was something because of her flushed face and she’s been doing nothing the whole morning but shush students who were talking and making up their own fictional, romance novels. "This is stupid, we were even about 10 feet away from each other." She told McGonagall, "If they're going to spread stuffs it should've been at least — ' _d'you reckon they fought in the staff room?'_ and not, ' _d'you reckon they_ ' — Oh, it makes my guts twist, I can’t stop hearing their thoughts, it’s louder than always!" "Let it off, dear. They're students, they find interest in everything.” McGonagall said, slightly amused, "Rumours like that come along all the time, they die quite fast too. Don't worry about it." 

Students also kept asking her about it after charms class or whenever they get the chance. "No, we were talking. Like normal co-workers do, now if you don’t stop, I’ll be taking 20 points from Ravenclaw — from each of you." She'd tell them and they'd walk away sniggering anyway. God, this is only the second week, she thought in exasperation, wishing for the talks to die down immediately like how McGonagall had said. 

Other than that, Cieletterre and Snape barely looked at each other anymore after that day at the staff room, her anger for him was seeping through every veins in her body and worse than before. "Apologize my ass. When did he ever?" She would mutter angrily to herself. "Honestly, he has his own made-up memory that he convinced himself was real so he doesn't feel too guilty." Lupin, who listened to her rant after that day, kept telling her to just let it off, "It's been years, you know. You two should make up." He said, leaning on the balustrade where she was seating on. "You never made up with him." She retorted. "I did, sort of, we talk, don’t we? Er — sometimes, at least, and he makes me my potion. But you, on the other hand — you're ignoring him like as if he doesn't exist." Lupin replied calmly. Sometimes, she wished Lupin wouldn't make sense so she doesn't have to feel like she’s doing something wrong. "How did you two even start fighting? You always talked about him with us, or me, at least." He said, adding in a low, quiet voice that she would’ve missed if the students outside didn’t shut up at the right time, “And you didn’t talk to me for like a year because of what James and Sirius did to him…” Ciel looked at her friend and pursed her lips, feeling guilty at the last thing he said but chose not to dwell on the topic, she tried hard to think, "I don't remember clearly how we fought, to be honest." She muttered, " I just know I'm mad at him. And it's his fault, maybe it’s got to do with his friends, I always argued with him about that subject." She jumped off the balustrade, making Lupin turn abruptly to her, as he thought she’s fallen but immediately relaxed when she stood beside him. He looked back out the students again who were seated anywhere on the field that they found comfortable, "You know this kid, Longbottom?" Lupin asked, she turned to him confused for a second for the sudden change of topic but nodded anyway, "Last time when I was teaching them about Boggarts, the boggart turned into Snape —" Ciel snorted but immediately felt bad for Neville, how bad could he have been for a student to have him as his greatest fear? "— when he yelled _Riddikulus_ , it turned into Snape wearing his grandmother's clothes." He said, a light chuckle escaping his lips. "Oh, I thought that was just made up since students — you know — don't like Snape that much, but did it really?" She asked, stifling a laugh, "It did. Everyone had a laugh." Lupin answered. "Must've been a show, must be why he’s extra cranky." She giggled, imagining the Potions Master in complete drag, "How about you? What did the boggart turn into when it saw you?" 

"Ahh..." Lupin shyly stammered, "Just... Full moon." Ciel smiled at him, "You'll be fine, Remy. Just don't forget to drink the potion Snape's making you." She sincerely told him, patting his shoulder lightly. 

The only break Ciel’s ever gotten from the rumours was during her classes with the third year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors who were both too nice to ask, especially the Hufflepuffs. If ever someone from Gryffindor would try and bring it up, the three, Ron, Harry, and Hermione, would tell them off, which Ciel appreciated since she didn't get distracted from her lessons anymore.

++🌻++

Cieletterre's third week of teaching in Hogwarts now became more fun again, students stopped asking her about Snape and the air suddenly felt lighter now that she doesn't need to hear his cursed name all the time, her energy and enthusiasm came back in teaching her students without having to be asked about unnecessary topics. "Class dismissed." Ciel said to her students once the bells have rung, "Don't forget your assignment, okay? It's due Monday." She reminded them through the loud shuffling of their parchments being shoved back in their bags. "Yes, professor!" They said in unison before getting up from their seats, a series of thank you's came from the students as they walked out of her classroom in pairs, triads, and groups. Once all the students were out and her room deserted, she sat behind her desk and started going through the by-pair activity she assigned to her class a while ago. The room was engulfed only in silence and the faint sound of her quill dancing on each parchment she was scribbling on, sometimes with a few chattering noises coming from students passing by her room. After a few minutes of checking some activities handed in by her fifth years, she decided to take a break, letting out a deep sigh before lying her head on her arms that were crossed on the table. Her last period for the day's an hour after lunch so she still had pretty plenty of time — a nap wouldn't hurt, she thought. 

Well, she definitely thought wrong. 

Lupin stopped by her room after lunch to ask why she missed the meal but when he saw her napping, he decided to just let Snape wake her up and bring her some food, maybe then they'd get along, he mentally told himself as he strutted towards the dungeon to look for Snape. The professor wasn't in the dungeons when he got there — which he was happy about because it meant he was vacant. He kept checking his watch, he had classes after lunch but he was also determined to get Snape and Ciel to talk to each other.

After 10 minutes of walking around, he spotted Snape with Dumbledore, perfect, he won't be able to decline, he thought as he fast-walked toward the pair and calling, "Professor! Professor Snape!" The two turned to his direction, Snape's face automatically looking disgusted to see Lupin, "What?" Snape asked in annoyance. 

"Hello, Headmaster" Lupin told the Headmaster who smiled brightly at him, "Anything we can help you with, Professor Lupin?" Lupin smiled, "Yes, actually. You see, Ciel missed lunch and I was worried. I am about to go to my class, afternoon's taken for me so I am, unfortunately, will not be able to look for her or I’ll miss my class," He said. Snape, already having a clue where this was going, butted in, “ And I'm absolutely certain she's doing fine, so forget about —"

"No no," Said Dumbledore, raising his hand a bit, causing Snape to stop talking, "Professor Lupin's right, I haven't seen her at lunch as well, something might be wrong. Maybe you should look for her, Professor, just to be sure." He turned to Snape, the mischievous twinkle appearing in his eyes again, "You do have the afternoon vacant.” 

“What’s the worst possible occurrence? She’s probably sleeping somewhere.” Snape said in exasperation. “To be certain.” The Headmaster smiled. Snape glared at Lupin who was mentally snickering to himself, "Run along, Professor Lupin, you wouldn't want to be late for class." Dumbledore told Lupin. He slightly bowed and smiled innocently at Snape before walking away. 

"Well, go on then, Severus." Dumbledore said, feebly gesturing for him to leave, "A friend's waiting to be found." Snape rolled his eyes, marching away through the halls. "A nuisance." He muttered, annoyed, to himself as he walked. "Get down there, you dunderhead. That's five points from Gryffindor!" He managed to shout at the first year who was standing at the balustrade trying to reach the parchment containing his assignment some few Slytherin bullies charmed to fly. 

**~🌙~**

_"I don't get it." Ciel muttered to herself, looking at the parchment on her hand, the more she stared at it, the more the words seem to be alien for her, the instructions also becoming even complicated. She was sure she read all her books carefully before classes started but her memory just wasn't good enough to remember all the things she only read once. Being a muggle-born surely was a struggle, she knew nothing about wizardry and all the things associated with it. "Which part do you not get?" Her table partner asked, peeking at her copy, she blinked a couple of times, "O-oh, uhmm... Just... This — er — step 6." The boy moved closer to her cauldron, his eyes widening a little, "Did you cut your roots properly?" He asked. "I — yeah, why? Is something wrong? Did I mess it up?" She nervously looked at her cauldron and then at her paper, mentally panicking, "It should be green, yours is blue..." He said, more to himself than to her, his eyes were looking at her ingredients on the table, "Did you add this?" He asked, picking up a vial, Ciel nodded. "Maybe you've added a little too much." He said, "Here, I'll help." He moved in front of her cauldron and started working on it while giving her instructions at the same time, Ciel nodding and scribbling down what she can while she watches him work. "Here, now you mix it clockwise, slowly, until it feels lighter." The boy said, finally going back to his work. Ciel smiled and nodded, a little embarrassed. The boy gave a small, unnoticeable smile._

_Classes ended after half an hour and thanks for the boy's help, she got good marks. Hurrying to pack her things so she could look for the Slytherin boy, she pushed everything randomly in her bag, running out the door and standing on her tiptoe. The black hair sticking out the crowd, she pushed her way through to his side. "Hey," She breathily said, catching her breath, "I forgot to say thank you a while ago. I got good marks because of you. Thanks." She told him. "You're welcome." The boy said, giving her the same small smile. "Right, I'm going then, I'll see you in Charms, Gryffindor's with Slytherins again." She beamed at him, "I'm Cieletterre Crown, by the way."_

_"Severus Snape." He quietly told her, "I'll see you too." She smiled at him before walking away, catching up with her Gryffindor friends._

**~🌙~**

"I thought I said we'll see each other in Charms." Cieletterre opened her eyes slowly and lazily sat up. "What?" Asked Snape in confusion. She looked around for a bit and then back at him, he was standing in front of her desk. 

"Jesu — what are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?"

"When will you stop sleeping during work hours?"

"What's your problem now? I'm tired." She moaned, her hands rubbing her face tiredly. "Of course you're tired, you haven't eaten anything for lunch." He said, matter-of-factly. "Why do you care?" She rolled her eyes at him, "Dumbledore's told me —" 

"Right. Orders, orders, orders." She lazily said, finally getting up from her seat and fixing her hair. "If I didn't go here, your students for the next hour would've been waiting for you to wake up in their seats." 

"Well, _thank you_. That was a big help, Snape." She sarcastically said with an eyeroll, "I could wake myself up when I want to, alright?"   
"Yeah, right." Scoffed Snape, "You said that all the time during breaks but I still end up having to wake you up for your Care of Magical Creatures class." She was a little taken aback for the sudden 'recall' especially because she's just dreamt about their first conversation in their first year, she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her insides boiled in annoyance when that smug of a smirk etched on his lips again, "What, are you admitting your guilt?" 

"Shut up." She told him, "I never asked you to wake me up." That was a weak reply, she admits to herself. She doesn't even know why she keeps sleeping during breaks — she just knows she can count on Snape to wake her up for it since he's always with her at the Great Hall anyway. And like as if Snape read her thoughts, he replied, "Yet you still knew I'll be there to make sure you don't miss classes." She scoffed, "Whatever." 

Walking towards the door, she gestured outside, "Well, go on then. I'm awake, you can leave. I'll prepare for my next class." She said with a sarcastic smile. "You're not eating lunch?" 

"I'm not hungry." She automatically replied. "Just go, I can't risk another rumour going around for a few weeks if I'm seen here with you." Snape just narrowed his eyes at her before walking out, leaving her alone in the classroom again for the next half an hour.


	3. The Astronomy Tower

Cieletterre basically ran towards the Great Hall for dinner after her last class had ended, she sat next to Lupin who looked at her with a puzzled expression, "Why are you panting? Have you been running?" He quietly asked Ciel who was looking very tired, "Yeah, yeah. I was starving." She quickly said, picking up her knife, "I missed lunch." 

"What? I clearly asked Severus to —" He stopped talking, clearing his throat as Ciel sent him a glare, "You asked him to what?" 

"I didn't _ask_ him per se, I was just worried because I didn't see you at lunch so I thought I should look for you but I couldn't be late for my classes so I told the Headmaster... And Snape happened to be beside him." He said, mumbling the last part. "You set him up." Ciel groaned, "I had to miss lunch because he was kinda telling me to get lunch but I didn't wanna do what he says —" 

"That is so childish." Lupin interrupted, sounding exasperated, "Yeah, as childish as _you_ setting him up." She said through gritted teeth as she glared at him again. "I said I did not." Lupin argued calmly but Ciel, too hungry to have an argument right now, just let him off and started eating. "Where were you anyway?" He asked again after a few minutes into his meal, like as if he didn’t know the answer already. "Napped in my room..." She replied shortly. "I thought you didn't like naps." Lupin said, cutting his perfectly roasted chicken breast into small cuts. "I don't. I just _accidentally_ took a nap, I was tired, okay?" She sighed, leaning back on her seat. She looked at all the students, chatting loudly and animatedly at each other, their mouths and plates full of food, ghosts randomly popping on the walls or between students, surprising some of them. They all seemed very happy and contented. She was specifically looking at the Gryffindor table. That's where she always sat with Snape during breaks and she'd sleep with her face buried in her arms (or on a book) on the table. She frowned at the thought. "You never told me why you hated naps." She turned her attention back to Lupin who was also looking at the students, "Just... The dreams, you know, I'm scared of them," she muttered, "it's like playing a game of some sort where I anticipate whether the dream's going to be bad or not and I only get the result when it's already happening... I don't know how to say it... Bad decision actually — napping — I dreamt about _him_." She mumbled, suddenly feeling full, she just stared at her unfinished desert. "About who?" Lupin asked before bringing his goblet to his lips. "Snape. Our first year in Hogwarts and meeting him." She shrugged slightly, Lupin was going to ask another question but thought better of it, she seemed uncomfortable so he just nodded before thinking of a reply that will lead them to another topic. 

++🌻++

Afternoon naps aren’t exactly that nice now that Ciel’s lying wide awake on her bed, she could drink her potion though and she’d, without a doubt, immediately fall into a dreamless sleep but a part of her didn’t really want to sleep yet even though she had no idea what she should be doing while waiting for her to get drowsy. Luckily, it was a weekend tomorrow, so she wouldn't need to wake up early for classes.

After a few minutes of contemplating and staring up her ceiling, she jumped off her bed, threw a shirt on over her sleeveless pyjama shirt and walked out to strut around the school. Careful not to meet Filch or his cat, she kept really quiet. "Oh, but I'm a professor now, Filch wouldn't tell me off anymore." She told herself proudly, giggling a bit. Some people in the paintings she passed by were all dozing off, the others still mumbling quietly to themselves, waving at her when they notice her walk by. "Where should I go?" She asked herself, skipping down another set of stairs. It was even darker at the floor she went down on and walking around in the dark wasn't really a good idea given the fact that there's a murderer on the loose that's after a boy in the school. He could be in here even though there are dementors guarding the whole of Hogwarts. He escaped Azkaban — literally a prison guided by dementors, how would Hogwarts with a few of these creature differ? 

With her wand clasped tightly in her hand, she decided to jog aimlessly around and ended up near the way to the Astronomy tower. Feeling excited, she skipped towards the stairs and climbed up two stairs each step. Once she reached the top, she leaned against the parapet and looked outside and down at the grounds of Hogwarts, the cold, autumn air hitting her face. "Should've checked Lupin's room first." She whispered to herself, wishing she had someone to share the excitement with, the Astronomy tower was usually off-bound to students except during Astronomy lessons so being up there felt fulfilling. " _Aqua Eructo_." She whispered, pointing her wand out the great, navy blue sky. A weak sprout of water came out her wand. "Aqua Eructo!" She repeated, a little louder, and an immense jet of water came out, making her fall back in surprise, "Shit!" She laughed, getting back on her feet, leaning against the half wall again, and she pointed her wand out, "Glacius!" She said and she was able to conjure ice from her wand. Being distracted (and entertained) easily, she spent a good quarter of an hour conjuring spells, watching them fall on the ground. She even attempted to slow them down or make them disappear before they even hit the ground. 

"What are you —" 

" _Stupefy_!" 

She screamed at once when she spun around quick, causing a jet of red light come out her wand, her heart beating loudly against her chest. The person who dodged so hard he fell out of balance, stumbled down the stairs and it took her a few seconds to come out of her shock, immediately running down to meet him. "Oh my god, are you okay?" She asked Snape who was lying down the hardwood floor and struggling to get up, she knelt beside him, hesitantly putting a hand on his back to help him sit. "I'm sorry, I’m sorry, that was self-defence." 

"I haven't even done anything to you, how was that self-denfence?" Snape irritably asked when he’s sat in front of her, "Well — you startled me... It was a reflex then, sorry." She said diffidently, her hand still hovering on his back, "You could have killed me!" 

"Hey! That was just a minor spell!" She retorted, all the guilt she felt a second ago before he spoke was slowly fading away, "Minor? You hollered stupefy — which I’m sure the whole of Hogwarts heard from that thousand mega hertz of a voice —" Snape said, "And I was at the stairs — already a critic factor — and I fell, and I could have died had it not —" 

"Oh, don't be dramatic, you'll just get stunned and I could just ' _rennervate_ ' you back." 

"What were you even doing —" They talked at the same time, "— Don't ask me that —" They said again in unison, "Shut up!" Cieletterre said in a louder voice to dominate him, "I'll ask first, alright?" She commanded, narrowing her eyes at his flaring pair of orbs, "What were you doing creeping around? You stalker piece of an —" 

"You’re deluded — there were noises, and objects kept falling down the ground, I had to check if it was a student who were conjuring them." He explained quickly, "What were you thinking frolicking around at night?” 

“What’s it to you what I do?” She rolled her eyes as she sat down properly, feeling her legs numb from kneeling down too long. "What's it to me is that I'll throw you off the tower if you don't answer my question —"

"I dare you." She squinted her eyes at him. They were staring at each other for a few seconds before Snape, in a blink of an eye, managed to scoop her off the ground, and a startled scream echoed throughout the tower. "Fu — Severus! I'll stun you, I swear to Godric — put me down now!" She demanded, struggling to hold onto him for dear life. "You're not actually going to throw me off, are you — that's murder —" but Snape already made his way up the stairs and closer to the parapet, an amused sneer on his face.

"I was just trying spells... And I was bored!" She said, her grasp on his collar getting tighter. "If I die for this stupid reason —"

"Quiet, you'll attract attention." Snape simply said, putting her down gently. She felt her pockets for her wand, panicking a bit when she couldn't find it and looked up to see Snape holding his and her wand with a smirk. "Not very careful, are you?" He said, waving them slightly before putting both wands in his pocket. She glared at him, "Just so you know, you violated my personal bubble so you'll pay for that." She said, still plotting on how to get her wand back, "And it's not very nice to take other people's wands." She said, finally leaning against the parapet and taking her eyes off his. She stared back down the grounds, thinking about how a few moments ago, she was having fun with spells and now it's ruined. "Tell me, what is it with you and not being able to listen?" He asked with the slightest bit of taunting in his voice. She turned her head slightly to see his expression, he was leaning his back against the parapet with his arms crossed. He didn't have anything plastered on his face except that cold expression that's probably already permanent.

"What's the made-up thing that I didn't listen to this time?" She sneered, staring back outside. "Sirius has been spotted in Dufftown... Dumbledore deemed it unsafe to strut around the school in the dark." He replied. "Oh, shut up. You were also strutting around." She shot back. "Besides, I know how to keep safe if Yon — if Black came." 

"How? Scream stupefy at your him?" He said in an amused tone. "Well, it did work on you." She shrugged, bringing her knees to her chest to hug her legs. "You missed." 

"No, I didn't. You just happened to dodge it effectively." 

"No, you missed." 

"The only thing I missed is..." She was going to say a cheesy pick-up line but remembered they weren't in good terms so she cleared her throat instead. "Well, anyway, I really think you should go." She faced Snape with her hand out, "And give me back my wand now." Snape looked at her held-out hand and ignored it, "I'll stay here, you get back to your room." He said, making her furrow her eyebrows, "No, I'll stay here, go find somewhere else to stay at." 

"You were calling for me a while ago." He said in a quiet voice, his arms were still crossed against his chest and his eyes were fixed on the telescope that was seating in front of them. "Sorry?" Ciel asked, putting her hand down to her side. "You, a while ago, calling me. What did you dream of?" She stared at him for a bit, but she wasn't entirely surprised that Snape knows about her vivid dreams, he wouldn't have brought that potion to her room during the first night without him having knowledge of the reason. And he was close with the Headmaster, surely, Dumbledore told him. 

"Never you mind." She replied in a brisk voice, the thought of having to open up to Snape was enough to make her arm hairs stand, "I'll get going, you stay here then." 

She was about to go when Snape called again. "We're having a _con_ —versation and you're turning. _to leave_. Again. Why don't you _ever_ properly talk to me?" He asked, his tone was getting annoyed but his face was still expressionless and his eyes remained glued to the device that is in front of them. "You already know what it could possibly be, just some random bit of the past is all." She said, sighing, "Luckily, not too bad of a dream compared to my previous ones... Just about that day at potions class. You know, uh... we shared the table, in case you don't remember. Thanks, by the way, I got good marks." She raised her shoulder slightly, "Is that enough answer? That was a pretty decent conversation, was it not?" Snape didn't reply so she dusted herself off and walked near the stairs going down, "Right. Go to sleep too. Goodnight." She told him before jogging down. She was halfway down the tower when her wand crossed her mind again. Groaning very loudly, she ran back up to the top where Snape was, looking like he was expecting her to be back, a smug smirk on his face. "Forgetful too." He said, without making any effort to take her wand out his pockets. She rolled her eyes, walking closer to him and panting. "Not that forgetful apparently, I remember why we're not friends." She muttered, "Now give me back my wand, Snape," She said, her hand out to him again, "Or I'll frisk you."

Snape lazily reached for his pocket and held her wand out to her, which she grabbed instantly with a glare. "Right. Bye." She said, before running down the tall tower again.

++🌻++

October came pretty fast and pupils left and right have been talking about nothing but Hogsmeade that it was starting to excite her too. It's been so long since she's visited the place and she's also starting to think what she would be doing when she gets there. 

Since the incident at the Astronomy tower, she felt more comfortable around Snape again, not comfortable like ' _we're-best-friends_ ' comfortable but as an _'I'm-acknowledging-your-existence_ ' comfortable, like looking at him in the eyes when they meet in the halls. "Not that much but it's something." She told herself. 

The month wasn't exactly Ciel's favourite, it was packed with bad memories for her, nevertheless, she still gave her best to be as lively in class as she could and everywhere else. "Alright, careful —" before she could even finish reminding her fourth years, one student had successfully _depulso'd_ a cushion at the tall stack of it, causing them to fall on the professor, all students immeditely running to help her. A cushion wasn't exactly heavy but about 40 or more of them were. "Are you okay, professor?" Students kept asking her. She just nodded, helping herself up. "Sorry, professor. I lost control." Her student said, he looked like he was about to cry from guilt. "It's alright, mr. Calder. Let's try again everyone!" She said, putting two cushions in front of each student with the flick of her wand. There was still a few incidents here and there, one student was so out of focus he picked up the desk instead of the cushion — Ciel had to duck really quick before it hit her, but everyone was able to do it perfectly at the end of the session.

Since she had a spare hour before her next class, Ciel decided to go to the staff room where teachers usually stay at during their vacants. When she entered the room, she met Madam Hooch and Professor Sprout chatting, they stopped talking and smiled widely at her, “Hello, Professor Crown, everything going great so far today?” Professor Sprout asked, and Ciel nodded briskly, walking towards them, seating down on an empty seat, “Just finished a double period with my fourth years. I was teaching them the banishing spell.” She said and she went on telling them about the cushion incident. Madam Hooch also told stories about small incidents that happened to her class when teaching them about flying. She even mentioned Neville Longbottom at his first try which made Ciel feel even more bad for the kid, Longbottom, everything seems to not be going his way. “How is your plant recognition now, by the way?” Professor Sprout suddenly asked. Ciel, confused as to where this was referenced to, asked with her face slightly contorted in confusion, “Plant recognition? What do you mean?” 

“Severus mentioned a few days ago that you were really bad at remembering or recognizing plants when you were in school, how is it now?” Ciel felt herself burn red in embarrassment, _of course, that old git did._ “ _Really_ bad? Did he say I was _really_ bad?” She asked with a great emphasis on the adverb, “I wasn’t _really_ bad.” She frowned, now planning to glare at Snape again the next time she sees him. Madam Hooch giggled, “He said you mistook Dittany from Wiggentree and ended up making an acidic potion during a practical test.” 

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed about it, we all had troubles with plants before.” Professor Sprout said, which Ciel was sure she was only saying it to make her feel better. Sproutnwas probably the biggest Herbology fan in her school years. She patted Ciel's shoulder in a motherly way. “The acidic potion was an easy mistake,” Cieletterre said, “I—uh… the plants sounded similar for me before.” She reasoned out but now that Madam Hooch has mentioned it to her, the plants were no way similar in sounds nor in spelling. She wasn't entirely the best in memorizing though unless she's really interested in it — and the only subject that interested her truly was Charms and Transfiguration. She just internally groaned, cursing her younger self, “I swear, I’m good at plants now, you can ask me to help you with your class if you need assistance, Professor Sprout.” Ciel huffed. Luckily, after a few taunts and jokes about it, the conversation diverted to another topic that didnt involve her inability to remember plants or any embarrassing things about her. After about fifteen more minutes of talking, Ciel finally decided to leave to prepare for her next class. “He’s talking about me behind my back, that old piece of cow dung.” She muttered, “I should’ve told them Severus was bad at… what was he even bad at—AHH!” She jumped in terror when Peeves showed up in front of her from nowhere, “Stop that, Peeves!” She exclaimed, pointing her finger at him, “I have a weak heart, you’ll kill me some day for creeping up like that!” But Peeves wasn't listening, he was chanting something, a mischievous grin on his white, solid-transparent face, his hat bouncing slightly from his head, “Ohh, Crown, Crown, Crown has mentioned Snape, Snape, Snape.” He said in a sing-song voice. “No, I didn’t!” Ciel glared defensively at the poltergeist who just went on, usually, Peeves was respectful to teachers, as far as she knows, but maybe it was because he knew her as a student that he was acting this way. “Yes, you did! I will tell Snape!” Peeves said happily. “Don’t you dare, Peeves! Hey — wait, come back here! Peeves, I did not say his name!” She called after the poltergeist who swooshed away fast. “Oh god.” Ciel whispered to herself, walking to her classroom. She was sat behind her desk, thinking about what Peeves will be telling Snape, he better not twist the story — She thought to herself. 

Ciel's mind was off of it once her students for the period have arrived, and for the rest of the day, the same teaching routine was done until it was time for dinner again. Having decided that she’ll put her books back in her chambers first, she walked to it, carrying her books and humming slightly, the halls were empty and quiet now that everyone must be at the Great Hall by this hour. When she’s brought her books back, she walked out of her office and skipped down the stone steps, meeting sir Nicholas who was just floating around. "Hello, sir Nick." She grinned at the ghost, "Late for dinner, are we?" Sir Nick gave her a small bow. "Yes, and as I can see, I'm not alone. But, there are students down in the dungeons. You should take a look." Sir Nicholas advised and she frowned a bit, "During dinner? Why?" Sir Nick just shrugged. "Alright. Thanks, sir Nick." She said before running down to the dungeons. Opening the door slowly and only poking her head in, she saw four students seated at different tables. “What are you four doing here?” She asked, causing all of them to jump up from their seats in surprise. “It’s dinner. Aren’t you supposed to be there by now?” 

“Detention.” Muttered the student closest to her, she recognized her to be a fourth year, she looked at all of their robes, they were all in Gryffindor. “Detention?” She repeated, slightly aghast, “That’s not right.” 

“Professor Snape won’t let us go ‘til we’ve finished our essays.” The student replied. “Don’t mind him, hand me your papers. That’ll do, you’ve written enough already.” She said, opening the door wide and letting herself in. “Go on, get dinner.” She said as she took each of the students’ long roll of parchment. “But if he sees us entering the Hall —" 

“I’ll walk with you, okay? Come on.” She waited ‘til all the students were out before she closed the door, feeling herself boiling with annoyance again. _He keeps punishing Gryffindors for the smallest reasons_ , she fumed. They walked to the loud Hall where the sound of spoons and forks clattering were coming from and the smell of an abundant feast was awaiting, it was a nice feast, as always, but the four students she was with were all looking anxious. “Go on, go to your seats. Just don’t look at him.” She told them with a sweet smile, she was holding their thinly rolled parchments in both hands. “Thank you, Professor.” They said and they all walked fast to their table, slightly bending down to avoid Snape's eyes catching them. Basically marching angrily, she made her way to the teacher’s table and met Snape’s confused look, probably asking himself why’s she glaring at him again. She sat next to him, “It was a lovely night before you entered the Hall.” Snape quietly said just to piss her off even more, “A bad day with some students, perhaps?” 

“No, a bad day with _you_ , Snape.” She spat, Snape turned to her confused, “We haven’t even met the whole day — _Professor_.” Cieletterre harshly placed the rolled parchments on his lap, making him jolt. “What do you think you’re doing locking up students in the dungeons?” She whispered angrily. “It was their detention — they deserved it, _Professor_.” He said, the mention of the title almost sounded sarcastic again as the first. “Deserve it, really? What did they do? Breathe in your class?” 

“I do believe I have a right to discipline my students.” Snape answered, tearing his gaze from her and towards the Gryffindor table, she probably knows he's thinking about extending the detention of those four students from tonight. “I get students talking all the time in my class but you don’t see me locking them up in a room and let them miss dinner — and for your information, those chit-chatting students are mostly from _your_ house.” She said, angrily picking up her knife and fork before cutting the lamb on her plate. "Only because you're too thick to even discipline them even though you know they well deserve it." He answered and she let out a small gasp, "Snape, if I put every chit-chatting student in Detention, your whole house will be in it." She replied angrily, “And don’t you dare punish those students again, I’m the one who let them out of the room — besides, they’ve written enough already, surely that'll make it up for breathing in your class. Get contented, will you?” She rolled her eyes at him before finally raising her fork to her mouth. “It’s not like you even take time to read those.” She muttered, chewing angrily.   
“I don’t think I recall interfering with how _you_ treat your students.” He said causing Ciel to glare at him again, “That’s because there’s nothing to interfere with on how _I_ treat my students.” She slightly turned to him, “If you couldn’t handle kids, what made you think teaching would be a good profession?” 

“Couldn’t I have picked teaching because I dislike kids?” He asked tauntingly. “Did you — did you just pick teaching so you could torment kids because you hate them?” She said in disbelief. Snape just gave her a scornful look before returning to his meal. 

“Ah, by the way, Professor,” He said, after a moment of silence, “A source tells me you were muttering my name in the halls.” 

“Who, Peeves? Yeah, I meant to let him hear me trying to jinx you.” She said, “So if you ever trip or fall or have something unfortunate happen to you, just know that I prayed for it.” Snape gave a teasing smirk, “Really? He said you were asking what I was bad at. You could’ve asked me yourself, _Professor_ , if you were that interested.” 

“Shut up." She said, feeling herself flush a bit. "He misheard me, I was asking what you were mad at.” Ciel lied but her tone was very convincing especially because she was speaking with conviction driven by both annoyance and embarrassment, "I wouldn't need to ask what you're bad at, I have a long list of answers for that." 

"Mad at, bad at. Either way, you were still inquiring about me. Interested, are we?” He taunted, “I suppose I can give you some spare hours of mine to talk.”

“You can keep all your bloody hours to yourself, Snape. God knows, I'd never need any of it — Oh, but if I may ask just know, what do you think you’re doing telling teachers I suck with plants?” She asked, “You backstabber —” 

“Oh, please. I only wanted to save Professor Sprout the trouble, she said she needed a hand with something, obviously about plants, and Hagrid suggested you. We both know you’re terrible at Herbology, you wouldn’t make much of a help.” Ciel pinched his side causing him to move back a bit, he grabbed her hand, keeping it away from his side, “I’m not _that_ bad at Herbology, that was one mistake —” Snape looked at her with a ‘ _really_?’ expression, “— alright, maybe twice… or thrice… a few —” She mumbled, “But I learned now, alright?” She said. Snape sniggered quietly, “Did you, now?” His voice sounded more amused than she's ever heard him during the past few weeks since she started working with him. Ciel tried to pull her hand back Snape was still holding it tight. “Let go now, I’ll shove this parchment right up your—” 

“Good to see you’re finally exchanging words— you would usually just send glares at each other.” McGonagall teasingly said, they both turned to her, Snape finally let go of her hand. Professor Vector, who was seated on Ciel’s other side and was kinda overhearing their conversation, sniggered at McGonagall, “They’ve really become best friends, Minerva.” She said sarcastically, “Right, Madam Pomfrey?” She looked at Pomfrey who was on Snape’s other side, and on her other side was McGonagall, probably overheard the conversation too, the two arguing professors weren’t exactly whispering during the whole thing. Madam Pomfrey laughed. Snape scowled at McGonagall who was clearly having fun seeing the two converse — even if it was arguing. "Oh, yes, actually, I figured glaring wouldn't kill him so I worded my curses out." Ciel said, fake smiling at Snape. McGonagall shook her head slightly, "If I get too impatient, I'll step in just to get you two to be friends again." She said at the two, pointing at them. Ciel sighed and leaned back on her seat, watching students clear the Hall little by little. "Snape's too thick to even try and say sorry, Professor. Don't waste your time on us." Ciel said. "Like I'm the one who should be asking for forgiveness." Snape replied in a bored tone, "Even if you step in, Minerva, Leuna's too thick to even admit her wrongs."   
"That's _Crown_ for you. I never said you could call me by my first name." Ciel said, ignoring Snape's main point. "You're hopeless." Snape muttered to himself. "What did you two even fight about?" McGonagall asked but neither answered. "I remember you always seated together right... there —" McGonagall pointed at the Gryffindor table that was now half empty. "— and Cieletterre would usually be asleep while Severus is reading." The two, as if hearing the most disgusting story, flinched and had a sour look on their faces while Madam Pomfrey and Professor Vector were smiling wide and looking excited to hear more. "I think it's time for bed." Ciel said with a loud sigh, "If you thought I heard the story, I didn't." She gave a short chuckle. "Goodnight— Oh, Madam Pomfrey, the potion —"

"Oh, yes it's in the hospital wing. I'll walk with you." Pomfrey said also getting up, the two said their goodnights to everyone at the table and left.


	4. Things We Said Today

Having woken up early the next day despite having no classes until 10 am, Cieletterre decided to go to Hagrid's to see how he's doing. She's never had a chance to visit the Gamekeeper ever since the start of school year and today seemed like a perfect day to do so. She lazily walked through the halls of the castle, the early morning breeze causing her robes to flutter behind her. A few Autumn leaves that were blown towards the castle were scattered on the floor, making a quiet, cracking noise when she steps on them. She saw three students seated by the corner of the hall where an elevated floor was, they beamed and waved at her enthusiastically. "What are you three doing up this early in the morning? Surely, all classes don't start 'til 9, do they?" She said to them as they walked towards her. "We were just rechecking our homeworks, Professor." Said Hermione with a smile, "She was just rechecking her homeworks." Corrected Ron. Hermione, ignoring him, went on and asked, "How about you, Professor? Having a good day so far?" Ciel smiled, "Nothing really happened yet, so I suppose so. And I was just about to go to Hagrid. Never had the chance to visit his pumpkin patch, I'm sure they're blooming during this time of the year." She told them, "How are your classes with him going, by the way?" She asked and she notice them frown, "We've been doing nothing but take care of flobberworms!" Ron said with vexation apparent in his voice, “It’s less than useless — the whole thing!” 

"It's Malfoy's fault, Hagrid's lost his confidence after that incident with the Hippogriff," said Harry, "I think he's trying to be as safe as possible." Ciel frowned as well. Worrying about the hippogriff incident is already bad enough, now students will be hating Hagrid for being boring, nothing seems to be going well for him. Ciel looked down at their short figures with a wrinkled nose, "That's not very fun, is it? I'll try to talk to Hagrid." She sighed, "How about Professor Lupin's class? Everyone having fun? He tells me he's enjoying all sessions, students are very active." The mention of Lupin's name erased the frowns that was plastered on their faces just a while ago, "He's the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had!" Said Harry excitedly. "We've learned loads in his class, seen them too!" Added Ron with the same excitement as Harry's. "So far we've handled Boggarts, Red Caps, Kappas, and we're learning a lot about them." Hermione said happily, pointing on a finger for every creature she’s mentioned. "Everyone seems to have Lupin as their favourite teacher — except some Slytherins, they always find something to hate about teachers." Said Harry, slightly lowering his shoulder as Hermione gripped on him when she stepped on the slippery part of the stone steps down to Hagrid’s hut. "The only teacher they ever like is Sn — Professor Snape since he's their Head." Ron gave a sour look whispering to himself, "He's the worst." But Hermione nudged him on the rib and now they're both glaring at each other. "Professor Snape's okay too." She said and her two friends looked at her in mixed emotions — mostly shock and disbelief. She seemed to have been taken aback by her lie too, making Ciel laugh a little, "It's alright to tell the truth if you’re not exactly fond of the teacher. Sorry about him, he's just a bit grumpy _sometimes_." She said, knocking on Hagrid’s huge door while Ron and Harry echoed ‘ _sometimes_?’ with pure sscepticis. "Morning Hagrid, it's me, Ciel! And I brought some students with me, Harry, Ron, and Hermione." Ciel said loudly, stifling her giggles at the two boys’ continuous complaints about Snape being grumpy _sometimes_ and hoping Hagrid'll hear her over the loud barks of his boarhound dog, Fang. Hagrid opened the door a few moments later, a smile on his face, although his beard was making it hard to see much. "Mornin', up early ya lot?" He asked with that thick accent of his, moving aside the entrance to make way, "Come in, jus' finished makin' tea," He gestured for them to enter. The four sat down by the table, Fang immediately going to Harry and leaning on his foot. "what brough' ye four 'ere?" Hagrid asked, bringing five cups to the table then a kettle. "Just wanted to see your pumpkin patch," Ciel said, "then I met these three on the way."

"They're growin' really well, an' by the time i's Hallowe'en, they'll be massive!" Hagrid says excitedly as he brought out rock cakes. The four glanced at each other as if waiting for someone to tell the half-giant that they didn’t want rock cakes at the moment. "I... Are you eating rock cakes for breakfast, Hagrid?" Ciel asked, saving the three (and herself) from the very solid food. "I think we're good with tea, you know... So we'll have enough space in our stomachs for breakfast at the Hall later." She said, hoping she sounded reasonable and gentle, "Oh, yea, ye're righ'." Hagrid said, keeping the cakes again. The three students looked relieved. They all started drinking their teas quietly until Hermione spoke again, "Say, Hagrid, what was Professor Crown like as a student?" She asked, grinning at Ciel who was at first afraid on what Hagrid could possibly say. "Very nice an' friendly an' all, she loves my pumpkin patch very much." Hagrid answered, "Even now, yes." Ciel giggled, putting down her cup. "She's friends with Professor Lupin, d'she'tell ye tha'?" Hagrid asked the three and they all nodded. "A really good teacher, ain't he?" The three nodded again, "Their batch was reall' good. She also used to walk around the lake with Se —" 

"Hagrid!" Ciel interjected loudly, causing all of them to look at her confused, "Sorry, I was going to say I think I'm getting hungry." She laughed nervously, "Alrigh' then. Think i's time fer us to go ge' breakfas'." Said Hagrid, getting up from his seat and Ciel followed immediately, putting her own cup away. "Right. What's your first subject, you three?" She asked the three, who finished their tea just in time and got up. 

"Divination —" 

"Arithmancy —" 

They answered at the same time, "It's Divination." Ron said immediately, "Don't mind Hermione, Professor, her subjects are overlapping — _OUCH_!" He bellowed when Hermione had stepped on his foot. Ciel snickered and shook her head, amused at the two's love-hate relationship. "She loathes divination — Hermione does," said Harry, opening the door for all of them. "I don't _loathe_ it, I just think it's a waste of time, that subject is." Hermione said with annoyance visibly expressed on her face. "We never had divination before," Ciel said calmly, "I suppose your schedule's good for today?" She asked the trio. All five of them were now walking back up to the castle. "I wish!" Harry exclaimed, "We have double Potions later." He groaned in frustration. "Oh, potions no' too bad, Harry." Hagrid said, bearing with him the sound of clattering coins when he walks and bounces slightly. "But it _is_ , Hagrid! Snape keeps glaring at me!" Harry said, clearly becoming more irritated. "Just don't mind Professor Snape, Harry. Just try not to look at him, but don't make it seem like you're not listening, he doesn't like it when he's not being listened to." Ciel said, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder, she was going to mess his hair slightly but thought not to since it was already messy enough, “If he does something really bad then tell me, I’ll talk to him, he’s not that hard to talk to.” She added, mentally rolling her eyes at her own lies. "Tha's righ'. Listen to Ciel'erre, she knows a lo' 'bout Snape." Hagrid said to the three, Ciel looked at him wide-eyed. "Are you friends with him, Professor?" Hermione asked. Ciel and Hagrid shared a look, Hagrid, amused, while Ciel was panicking a bit. "Is he friends with anyone at all?" Ron asked disgustingly. "Er — more or less, ms. Granger." Ciel answered, "But, yes, mr. Weasley, he's friends with the whole staff members (except me), isn't he, Hagrid?" 

"F'course. He's very nice, that man is, and Dumbledore trusts him very much." Hagrid answered, but Harry and Ron were so determined to say otherwise. "What does more or less mean?" Hermione wondered, looking more confused than Ciel's ever seen her, "Curious about my life, are you?" She giggled, "Too bad we've arrived. Goodluck with your classes!" She told them. "You didn't answer the question." Hermione frowned, Ciel laughed, putting both her hands on her shoulders and making her face the dining tables, "You could always ask Professor Snape, dear," She replied and Hermione crinkled her nose at the suggestion, "go on and eat your breakfast. Be good in class." She said, shooing the three away.

During breakfast, Ciel was seated between Lupin and Hagrid, talking about Hagrid's pumpkin patch and how he's been stressed about the slugs, he was planning to go buy some flesh-eating slug repellent again. Ciel was able to bring up the flobberworms which Ron complained to her about just a while ago, and Harry was right, Hagrid was trying to be safe — he didn't want to get into any more trouble or put anyone at all in danger. "I can help you with some of your classes, Hagrid, I do have vacants." Ciel offered, "So you wouldn't have to deal with other feisty creatures on your own, you'll have four eyes looking out for everyone." Hagrid sighed, "Thanks, Ciel'erre, bu' the flobberworms should do fer now." He said and Ciel sadly smiled but nodded anyway. 

Morning wasn't bad, she's had a good flow of class with her students, there weren't any accidents at all unlike yesterday when a student caused a stack of cushions to fall on her. The students she saved from Snape's detention last night came to her just before lunch with excited grins on their faces saying Snape didn't even ask them about their essays so now they think Ciel was their saviour from Snape's punishments. "No, I'll also put you in detention if you've really done something wrong." She told them, "Don't go provoking your Professor and behave in his class, okay? Tell me if he gets mad only if you weren't even doing anything wrong. Now wrong has a lot of context, so careful." 

In the afternoon, same old, Cieletterre teaching and letting students try the spell out, making sure they perfect them before dismissing them for their next classes. Before she knew it, dinner came again.

++🌻++

As 29th of October drew nearer and nearer each day, Ciel's mood hasn't been the same. The day held her greatest lost and remembering it was enough to drain her energy. The days, weirdly enough, seem dimmer than always, it could just be that they're nearing the end of Autumn and Winter's just around the corner. Her students, noticing the sudden decrease in her energy, behaved perfectly well in her class, asking her how she was everyday, and bringing her small gifts like flowers and candies. They've taken a good liking to their professor, considering the fact that she was good at teaching, understanding, doesn't give much homeworks, and it might also be because of her that Snape's been pretty loose with his detentions lately.

"So," She jounced on the sofa in front of the fireplace from the sudden noise after being in the quiet staff room for almost an hour now, she was greeted by Lupin's knowing look, "You scared me." She breathily said, bringing her attention back on the papers she was holding on her lap, "You need anything?" She asked as she watched Lupin sink on the space beside her, "Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?" He asked, leaning forward. "I will if there was." She replied quietly, trying to read the same sentence from her student's essay, over and over again since 15 minutes ago. "I think there is, you weren't like these the past few weeks," Lupin said knowingly, "You can tell me, you know." He added, looking at her while she stares mindlessly on the parchment. "If it's too hard to say, you can at least try and talk to me about random things so you wouldn't have to go sulking alone in here all the time," He poked her arm gently, "I'm not the only one who noticed, students were asking me what was wrong. They're worried too, " He made his pitch higher as he made an impression of how the students were approaching him, "' _Professor Lupin, is something wrong with Professor Crown? She seems pretty off_.' ' _Professor Lupin, please tell Professor Crown, we hope she feels better soon._ ' Like as if you were ill or something," he chuckled, making her laugh a little too, "and what's funnier is they thought we've been dating and now we've broken up and they were urging me to get back with you." He laughed, "I don't know long that rumour's been going up." 

Ciel, who has given up on trying to understand the essay, just listened quietly to Lupin, although she was still looking down on the paper, a small smile crept on her lips from the story, it was amusing, how her students' minds work, sometimes they were too loud that ignoring them was impossible. "Come on, talk to me." Lupin wheedled, continuing to poke her arm. Cieletterre sighed, leaning back on her seat and looking at her friend then at the door, "I don't think it's the right time to talk, Rem."

"No time's ever the right time," He quietly said, "but we talk anyway." 

The edge of her lips twiched slightly into a barely noticeable smile. She opened her mouth to talk but no words came out, closing it again, she looked at Lupin, who was waiting patiently for whatever she had to say. "What do you wanna talk about?" She asked instead, taking into account what just Lupin said, ' _If it's too hard to say, you can at least try and talk to me about random things so you wouldn't have to go sulking alone in here all the time_.' Lupin gave a small smile, "What are you working on?" He asked, looking at the essay she was just trying to read. "Marking works." She said, holding one up, "But can't seem to understand it. Maybe it's just me." She pursed her lips. Lupin took the parchment and scanned it quickly, he sighed and got up to his feet, "We can take a break. Walk with me?" He offered a hand in front of her and she eyed it for a bit, "Yeah, sure." She finally said after a dreadful moment, taking his hand and letting him help her lift herself up from her seat and walking out the room with Lupin. It was a weekend so students were allowed to do what they want, there were students sitting down anywhere they could possibly make out to be a seat and they'd greet the two Professors as they passed them, a few of them whispering once they've passed the pair of Professors.

_'They must've got back together.'_

_'Told you.'_

"We used to sit there all the time too," Ciel said, brushing off the students' thoughts and pointing at a spot packed with a group of sixth years, "and we'd be lying on the grass or something." Lupin smiled at the memory, "I'm surprised you remember me being in the memory, we never properly talked." He frowned and Ciel looked at her confused, "What do you mean?" She asked, "For your information, you were the friend I was closest with out of our little circle of friends," she said, "maybe even the whole school."

"Not the whole school," He corrected, "I don't think I ever came close to yours and Snape's friendship." Ciel rolled her eyes, "But guess who I'm still friends with 'til now?" She asked, as if daring Lupin to say the wrong answer. He silently snorted, "Okay, but during that time —" 

"I get it, I get it," she laughed, "but for me, you two were the closest I had, both of you. Equally." She raised her finger up in front of Lupin when he was about to say something again. "Changing the topic, remember when we snuck out of the common room around 2 am just to duel at the trophy room?" Lupin's face lightened at the specific memory, "Oh, yeah. All Potter's idea, wasn't it?" He laughed. "If you're thinking I ever forgot how you jinxed me with those jelly legs, you're wrong!" 

"Oh, I forgot about that!" Ciel laughed as well, the vivid image of the eventful night at the trophy room now flashing in her mind, "I had to run to the library with Peter because none of us knew the reverse spell." 

"I was stuck lying on the ground for 20 whole minutes, shielding myself because James and Sirius still wouldn't stop duelling." She laughed. "Yeah, I remember getting back in there and I had to bind their bodies frozen because they were causing a lot of ruckus." 

"And Filch the next day when he got to the trophy room!" Lupin said excitedly like as if it was the best part of the story yet. "Well, don't let 'im hear you now, he never found out who wrecked the place then but if he finds out now, I'm certain he'll still want to hang us up." Ciel laughed. The two of them went on talking while they walked around the castle, both hands on their back and Lupin felt more relieved now to have her laughing again. They've been reminiscing old school memories, all funny ones. 

"And then we finished school." She finished sadly with a crestfallen look. Lupin sighed, "We were and are still friends though... Even though it's just us two now." 

_It is just us two now._ She told herself, she never realized how it's only just her and Lupin that's left out of six teenagers that were friends. "That's pretty sad," she let out an apathetic laugh, "I forgot we were only 6, and the other half's gone, one-sixth has become a..." She abandoned the sentence, frowning. There were a few minutes silence, the two standing by the corridor and leaning on the balustrade, watching students relax with wide smiles on their faces. She thought about what could possibly be their future, because she too was once a student who, for a moment, was laughing and relaxing, having no clue at all that in no time, there would be a war that'll cause half her friends dead. "Did they ever find you?" She suddenly asked. Lupin looked at her, she was still looking at the students, her expression solemn. "They?" He asked, unsure who she's talking about, "The Marauders?" Ciel shook her head, "The death eaters, I mean." She murmured. Lupin slightly shook his head. Ciel glanced at him then back at the students, it took a while but she smiled sadly, "It's my parents' death anniversary on the 29th, I just realized it's the first time I won't be able to visit their graves." Lupin placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly, "I'm sorry." He said in a barely audible voice, "Cieletterre, look — when I heard about it — when I heard that they were hunting down anyone from the Order, I really wanted to come find you and —"

"I know you did, of course, I know you did, Rem." She smiled weakly, "And I'm glad you weren't able to, I don't know what would've happened to you if you were there." She smiled, examining her own wand, "I'm really happy you're alive." She looked at Lupin with a sincere smile. He smiled sympathetically, leaning on the balustrade too. He didn't know what else to say. There were more silence again, weirdly blocking the laughs and chats of the students too. "Does Harry know," she asked after the dreadful silence, "that we were friends with his parents?" He shook his head, "I don't think so, no." Cieletterre slowly nodded, "He'd be surprised... It's also their death anniversary on the 31st."

Lupin smiled, putting a friendly arm around her neck and pushed her down while he messed her hair, "They wouldn't want us to sulk, you know." He says with a laugh, "Stop it, let me go!" Ciel yelped, a hand on her friend's arm and the other trying to reach his head so she could smack him, "Remus!" He laughed, finally letting her stand up straight, his arm now loosely over her shoulders, "Let's go get something to eat." He said, dragging her along.

++🌻++

"Rem!" Ciel called, jogging towards Lupin, "I was looking everywhere for you!" She said, catching her breath. "I was in my class. Why, are you okay?" She just nodded and showed Lupin the parchment she was holding. "What's that?" He asked, trying to read it. "My letter. I wrote the Headmaster to ask for permission if I could take two or three days off for the anniversary, my grandmother would be wondering where I was... She doesn't know I'm a... little witch."

"Oh, you're leaving?" His expression faltered at the news, taking the letter from her and reading it. "Just three days, I'll be back on the 30th. Just before Hallowe'en." She told him with a grin. "When are you leaving?" He asked, giving back the piece of parchment. "Tonight after dinner." She answered, "That's sudden news," He said, "I don't have a going-away present to give." She rolled her eyes with a laugh-smile, "I think a hug's alright." He let out a gasp, covering his mouth and feigning surprise, "That's an expensive gift you know," He said, "My hug's worth a hundred gallons, can't believe you're asking for something so expensive." He shook his head disapprovingly. "Give it free for tonight before I leave." She laughed, putting an arm around his waist.

++🌻++

Just before dinner, Ciel was already done listing a few activities she'll be leaving for her students. She ran out of her chambers to look for McGonagall, immediately running to her when she spotted her. "Professor!" She called, as she ran to McGonagall, who spun around to see who called. "Can I leave this list with you?" Ciel asked hopefully and McGonagall adjusted her glasses to read what's on the list. "They're activities good for three days that I'm gone." Ciel explained, panting slightly. McGonagall gave her back the list with a smile and Ciel looked at the Professor, baffled. "Go ask Severus for help, dear." 

"Professor!" She protested, McGonagall chuckled as she pat her shoulder, "Go on. Don't bother asking the other professors for help," her eyes twinkled, "I've told them not to... Yes, not even Remus." 

"That overdramatic man's never gonna help me." Ciel replied with a frown. "He will, dear. He just needs a little talking." Ciel heaved a sigh as she wedged the parchment between the pages of the book she was holding. "Hurry, find him. Call him for dinner too, he's in the dungeons." She said with a smile before walking past Ciel who was still trying to think of another way. There was no way she was asking him for help if she could help it. 

_Oh, but I need it!_

She groaned in frustration, she always thought as a student that McGonagall was a very serious person but now that they're both in the same profession, she can be pretty frisky. 

_Or I could just not give my students activities... But that would mean I'll have to cram them the next time._

After finally settling the debate in her head, she jogged towards the stairs, hoping to still catch him there.

She met Snape on the halls on the way there and he immediately turned to the other direction when their eyes met. "Snape!" She shouted, running towards him. She stopped in front of him, blocking his way with her arms spread and breathing heavily. "No."

"I haven't even said anything yet." She scoffed, putting her arms down to either of her side. When she finally caught her breath, she stood beside him, holding the list up, "See, I'll be leaving for a bit and I just need someone to look after my students — Please."

"No."

"You're not going to teach them, you'll just check in on them sometimes and if they have questions, they'll go to you and... Seriously, all you have to do is visit their room to give them the activity and then leave. Then they'll pass their activities to you, which you'll give me when I come back, you won't need to mark them, I'll do that." She rambled, Snape furtively rolled his eyes, "No." 

" _Please_ , Snape." 

She practically whined, feeling a little awkward that she's turned to beg. Snape still muttered a 'no' making her groan in frustration, "Oh, come on! Help me, will you? You would help me without questions if I didn't happen to be Cieletterre Crown and was just a random co-professor." She ranted, "So think of it that way, alright?" She gave a strained smile.

"No." 

"I'll tell Dumbledore." She muttered and Snape looked at her, "Do so. I still wouldn't do it." Ciel rolled her eyes. "Fine." She muttered through gritted teeth, "Now come on, Professor McGonagall said to call you for dinner." They both walked to the Hall, Ciel a couple of feet ahead, stomping angrily, while Snape walked behind her. "I could leave it to Remus, surely he'll do it?" She whispered to herself, looking at her list, "Or to one student for each class... I don't have time though."

When they got to the Hall, she immediately sat next to Lupin, the list wedged back between the pages of her book, "All packed?" Lupin asked and Cieletterre gave him a smile and a nod, "Just packed a few things, I'm coming back, aren't I?" She giggled. "Here's my going-away present." He said, putting a wrapped present on her lap. She looked at it, a red ribbon tied the yellow wrapping with little dogs printed on it. "Did you really —?" She asked, squeezing the gift and she looked at Lupin again who had an adoring smile on his face, "You didn't have to — it's just three days." She said, holding it up from her lap now. "Oh my god, thank you, what is it? Should I open it now?" She eagerly asked and Lupin nodded, chuckling at her enthusiasm. She carefully untied the ribbon and once she's opened it, she took out the warm-looking coat inside. "When did you have time to get this?" She asked with a sweet smile, "Oh, you really didn't have to."

"Well, it's cheaper than my hundred-galleon hug." Lupin joked, watching her admire the coat he's bought her. She rolled her eyes at him, "You're selfish." She jokingly said, "I'll get you back." She grinned, putting the coat on. "Wear it out, alright? It's going to be cold."

"You're so sweet, it's disgusting." She chuckled, rubbing her sleeves. The pair ate their dinner and not long after when everyone's done did the other Professors said their goodbyes and wishes to her family — except Snape of course who was just seated quietly, probably thinking about all the punishments he'll be giving students at detention while she's gone.

"I think Ciel should get going," Remus suggested after a while of endless chats, "it's going to be so late if she stays a little longer and it's not safe." Ciel smiled at him. "I think so too. I'll get my bag first and then I'll get going." She told everyone, pointing at the door. "It's in the carriage, dear. Don't worry." McGonagall said sweetly. She pulled her into a hug, "Wishes to your family." McGonagall told her in a quiet, motherly voice, rubbing her back comfortingly. Cieletterre smiled at her professor. "I'll ride with you to the gates." Lupin said. "I'll be fine, Remus. You should get some rest. You have classes tomorrow." She told him, "It's not very safe out there, is it?" Lupin told her in an 'obviously' tone and she crinkled her nose, smiling, "Fine."

"Will you be taking a potion with you?" Pomfrey asked when she was just about to leave the Hall and Ciel immediately shook her head, "I can't risk it, I'll just buy some muggle pills when I get in the city." She giggled, "Thanks, madam Pomfrey. Goodnight." She told her and Pomfrey smiled, "Have a safe travel, Crown." Pomfrey said before leaving. It was only her, the Headmaster, McGonagall, and Lupin left in the Hall and they were all talking about her travel back when the list suddenly crossed her mind again. She looked at the book she was holding and at her watch. "I'll take care of something really quick." She told the three, "You can wait for me outside, yeah?" She turned to Lupin who nodded, "Thanks, Rem." She said. "Goodnight, Professors." She told the other two before running out and down to the dungeons. Thankful that Snape wasn't in there anymore, she let herself in, putting her book down on his table. She looked for a piece of paper and left a note for Snape.

_I know you'll help me, you will, won't you? The activity list is between the pages, my schedule as well._  
_Thanks for the help, knew I could count on you. See you in three days. Take care._

_Ps. You can read the book too if you want, it's a really good one._

_CC. ;-)_


	5. Good Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cieletterre gets back from her three days-off that she had cut short into two days instead, thinking it was enough, but the night just became more and more dejected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst chapter!

_"You can sit with me — only if you want to, of course." Ciel briskly added before she could see him react to her suggestion. Their potions class have just finished and everyone was clearing up their workstations, cauldrons against cauldrons echoing in the room as they put them away. "I don't want to be around your friends." Her friend quietly muttered as he properly puts his things in his bag, carefully replacing the cap of his ink before keeping it. "I'm not usually with them, they have their little worlds too," she replied with a half smile, "so I'm just usually on my own." She finished packing her bag and looked at the black-haired boy whom she met yesterday at the same class when he helped her with her potion, "I saw you talking with Lily the other day, are you friends with her?" She asked curiously and Snape nodded, "We can sit with her if we see her around..." She trailed off, scanning the faces in the classroom but Lily seemed to have gone out of the room already. "Am I allowed at the Gryffindor table?" He hesitantly asked and Ciel didn't really know if he was but she nodded anyway, "I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Now come on, I'm hungry." She tugged on his sleeve and the pair of them walked out from their classroom, discussing about the lessons they just had today. When they reached the Great Hall, there weren't that many students so she was able to sit with Snape at the Gryffindor's and they both started eating. She put out her unfinished homework on Herbology along with her timetable and Snape, curious, asked if he could see her schedule. "Sure! We're mostly on the same class, I think, because I always see you." She beamed, taking in a spoonful of mashed potato before turning to her book. "We aren't on History of Magic, Transfiguration, Astronomy, and Flying." He said, "We are on the other four though." She turned to him with a mouthful of mash, "That's alright though," she said after swallowing her food, "because then you won't have to see me struggling on my broom — it's embarrassing." She sheepishly told her friend. "We have Herbology first thing after lunch... and you're only working on your homework now?" He said, peeking at her book. She crinkled her nose, "I don't like Herbology that much." He furrowed his eyebrows a bit, "Why?"_

_"There are loads to memorize, I suck at it. It made me feel droopy just staring at it last night, so I said I'll just do it at lunch."_

_"We can do our Homeworks after classes sometimes if you want." Snape suggested, picking a corn from the tray._

_"I'd love that, thanks."_

++🌻++

"Professor! Professor!" Two panting Weasleys, Fred and George, came running behind her, their jumpers' sleeves were rolled just below their elbows, "What are you two —" 

"You came back for us! He said you were never going back again and that you've left us for good —" They said, the two trying to hide their tall figures behind their Professor. "What? Who? What are you talking about?"

"It's Snape, he's gonna kill us!"

" _Professor_ Snape, Weasley — and what did you two do again this time?" She asked but before the two could answer, Snape appeared in front of them. And she might have imagined it but she thought his angry expression faltered when his eyes landed on hers. Before she could check twice though, his pair of black irises were flaring at the sight of the twins behind her. "You two, _back_. In. Class." He said through gritted teeth. She looked at the two and then at Snape. "What did they do this time?"

"Your two Gryffindors set. Up. A. _do—zen_ of dung bombs in my class." He said with an expression that says, 'I-dare-you-to-say-they-don't-deserve-detention-at-all.' Ciel glared at the two boys who were sniggering at Snape saying the word, ' _dung_ ', her hands on her waist in a scolding manner. "Did you really?" She asked even though she knows the answer already, obviously, these two aren't going to pass any chances they get at pranking, "You're gonna have to go to detention for that... of course it wouldn't be a harsh punishment. Right, Professor?" She turned to Snape who just rolled his eyes, "Go on, back to class and behave yourselves, Weasleys." She told them, shooing the two away, "A life-saver, Professor!" Fred (Or was it George?) whispered to her. They walked warily towards Snape and ran past him like as if he was going to grab them back. Just when he was about to leave, Ciel quietly called him back. "Word?" She said, walking towards him, her hands clasped on her back. "I have a herd of dunderheads to tend to," he quietly said, "so unless it's _tremendously_ urgent, I'd appreciate it if you could wait." She rolled her eyes with an amused smile, "Fine. See you later then." She said, "Classes are almost over anyway."

She waited for him to walk back to his class but he didn't. Instead, he muttered, "You're back early," his hands were clasped in front of him, "were you not supposed to have a day more?" 

"Yeah, well my gran won't ever let me go if I stayed another day." She chuckled, "And I figured, me being back sooner would be doing you a favour." She beamed at Snape who silently scoffed, "Staying a few more days away _would_ be doing me a favour, I wouldn't have to see you then."

"You're downright rude, d'you not know that?" She rolled her eyes again, "Seeing me everyday would be a favour too — but that's not what I meant now, I just think it would be a favour for you because then you wouldn't have to handle my class." She said before adding, with a doubtful look at him, "You were handling my class when I was gone, right?"

"I'm going back to my class." Snape replied coldly, turning around to leave. "Aww, you did, you read my note." She cooed, poking his arm teasingly, "Thanks, Snape, you softie. Did you read my book too? It's a really good novel. I'll let you keep it for a while if you still haven't finished it." She told him excitedly, "I'll get going. Enjoy the rest of your period." She beamed at him despite Snape having a scowl plastered on his face.

She went to her class even though there was only about thirty minutes left before they're dismissed and all of them flinched when she opened the door, probably expecting it to be Snape, but they all jumped up in excitement when they saw her, cheering excitedly. "D'you miss me?" She asked as she walked to the front, and a chorus of yes answered her question. "What are you doing?" She asked again when they've all calmed down.

"Essay!" 

"Professor Snape's been giving us —"

"Professor Snape just randomly comes in —"

"He's a nightmare!"

"He's been giving us loads —"

"Detentions!"

She was bombarded with complains about the activities and the substitute teacher, making her laugh at their reactions. "Alright, alright, calm down. Don't be mad at your Potions master, I requested him to do that." She said as she leaned against her desk, "You can keep that as a homework if you still haven't finished." She added and they all sighed in relief, the room now filled with the sound of parchment being rolled and shoved back in their bags. "Where did you go, Professor? Professor Snape said you've left for good." A student asked as she puts her ink back in her bag. "I went home for a few days, there are family traditions that you can't break... How did your two days go without me?" She asked back and a wave of frustrated groans and complaints bombarded her again.

"Professor Snape wouldn't let us go 'til we've handed in our essays —" 

"We're always overtime —" 

"I missed 15 minutes of Herbology —"

"Why did it have to be Snape—"

She laughed once again, putting a fist up to tell them to keep quiet, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she said with a stifled laugh when once again, all of them have calmed down, "You're alright now. We'll be having proper lessons again on Monday, no homeworks, no essays for a few days, is that enough to make up for it?" She told them and as if she was announcing that they've won the House or the Quidditch cup, all students cheered with euphoria, crying their thank yous happily. "Right, right, you're welcome. Keep quiet now." She said, "There's only less than ten minutes left and you really deserve a break... So, class dismissed. See you all next week with your essays." She said and after all of them happily said their goodbyes, they left the room. She cleaned up a bit in the classroom before going back to her chambers to get something, and then out again to look for Remus. She quietly ran towards him from behind when she saw him walking to his office. When she's successfully crept behind him, she slightly stood on her tiptoes and she draped a coat over his shoulders. He half pivoted in confusion to see who it was but his expression was suddenly replaced with a wide, excited smile when he saw his friend, "You're back! Already! And you're still wearing the coat I gave you." He said in surprise. Ciel jokingly scoffed, "Of course I am, it is pretty cold out there, I don't have much choice." He laughed lightly before looking over his shoulder to look at the cloth she just put on him, "What's this?" He said, taking it off and examining the coat. "A coat, what does it look like to you?" 

"I know that — what I mean is, what's it for?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure, the sales lady said it was for wearing?"

"No —" 

She laughed, "Kidding, I told you I'd get you back," she grinned, "it's cheaper than my thousand-galleon hug — It's muggle-made too."

"You didn't have to, really. I can't accept this." He said, "How much was this even? It looks expensive." He said and Ciel pursed her lips, "Not that expensive." 

"How much really?" 

"A little over a hundred and fifty pounds but you deserve it —" 

"How much is that in our currency?" He asked again and she shrugged with a small laugh, "I honestly don't know... Doesn't matter, wear it on cold days, will you?" She sighed, looking at the brown, wool coat she bought him, "I saw it in the mall and immediately thought it'll look good on you." She said, locking arms with him and leading the way to his office. "I'm just gonna rip and ruin it again when I..." He tailed off, looking at their tangled arms, "That's alright. I know what to get you on every occasion then." She said positively, her free hand straightening the collar of the coat Lupin was already wearing. "Why did you return earlier than you were planning to?" He asked, seating on his office chair behind his desk while Ciel looked around at the little figurines he had in his office, "Are you complaining?"

"N — Of course, not! I was just ask —" 

"'Course you're not," She laughed, giving him a look, "I just thought I should get back... My gran's been convincing me to stay with her in America," she scrunched her face a bit, "I don't like it there, especially because my parents are in Carouse."

"So you basically ran away from home?" He asked, adding in a hesitant voice, "Like Sirius?"

"Yup!" Ciel turned to him with a proud smile then laughed when Remus's eyebrows furrowed, readying to give her a good scolding to try and get her back to her senses. "I'm kidding. I wouldn't dare. I told her I had a really important job that's why I can't move with her, and I told her nicely that I was leaving." She sank on the chair in front of his desk, leaning her arms on it, "I said, 'Ma, I'm leaving. See you next year. Same time, same day.' and she just let me go." She rambled on and Remus let out a soft chuckle. "How was your travel by the way?" He asked, flicking his wand over to his small table so that the tea cups, teapot, and spoons start working on their own. Ciel stared at the utensils for a bit before answering, "It was alright. I stayed awake the whole ride back home," she sighed, "but I fell asleep on my way back here."

The tea cups carefully flew in front of them and Ciel smiled gratefully at Remus before taking it. "You didn't have any... weird dreams, did you? Were you alright?" He asked, after taking a sip of his tea. "Well, _weird_ requires context..." she pouted, trying torecall the dream, "wasn't weird, neither did it make me hyperventilate, which I'm grateful for..." She sealed her lips tightly before sighing. "You know, I still haven't told the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall that I was back," she changed the subject, finishing her tea "but the Headmaster probably knows already, he's pretty good at knowing if someone's arrived." Remus, who was organizing the papers on his desk looked up at his friend, "What time did you arrive?" 

"Not long ago, hasn't been an hour yet. I was still able to talk with my second years for five minutes or so before dismissing them." She replied, "How were you the past two days by the way?" She asked, taking a random book from his stack and looking at its nice cover, "Didn't miss me too much, did you?" Remus frowned but the amused look was still visible on his face, "A little, maybe. The two days were just the usual, but without our chats during breaks. I've been well though." He gave her a small smile. Ciel closed the book and placed it back neatly, "Good to know." She grinned at him. "I'll go get something, you should finish marking that so you're free on Hallowe'en," she said, pointing at the stack of parchments, "I'll see you at dinner, thanks for the tea."

"Okay, I will see you. Welcome back."

"Thanks, Rem. See you."

" _Lett_."

She turned around and crinkled her nose at the old nickname, "You haven't called me that since — what — year six?" She laughed a little, "What's up, pup?"

"Stop it," he drawled, making her laugh even more. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." She said, trying to keep a straight face, "But really though, what's up?" 

"Just... tonight won't probably be a good night for you so feel free to find me if you need someone, okay?" He said with a sincere smile. Ciel smiled back, leaning on the door quietly for a few seconds, examining that sincere look Remus always had on his face that she's greatly appreciated since their years as students, "I will. Thank you, Remmy." She finally replied before walking out from his office. She went to Snape's to take her students' activities from him but he wasn't anywhere in the dungeons unfortunately, so she left again and decided to unpack her bag first so she wouldn't have anything else to do after dinner. After that, she went out again to look for Snape around the castle.

"Miss Crown?" She heard McGonagall call and she wheeled around, smiling at her Professor, "I thought you were supposed to be back tomorrow?" McGonagall asked, freeing a hand to comfortingly squeeze her former student's arm. "Three days is too much, Professor. I was able to visit their sepulchre and stay with them at lunch before I left a while ago, so that's enough, I think." She said, the two of them was walking towards Dumbledore's office, McGonagall's arms were hugging three books while Ciel tells her about her less than two days away. "I was planning to go to the Headmaster first but I got distracted by the twins in 5th year, they set off some dung bombs in Snape's class."

"That's fine. I'm sure Dumbledore already knows. Have you gotten any rest?"

"Yes, I'm actually pretty energetic. I'm just waiting for dinner," Ciel grinned, "and I was looking for Professor Snape —" McGonagall looked at her with a teasing smile, Ciel laughed, shaking her head, "I was going to get my students' activities from him, Professor." 

"Alright, go on, get the activities from Sn — Oh, there he is — Severus!" McGonagall called to Snape who just appeared behind the Gargoyle statue that was guarding the way to Dumbledore's office. Snape arched an eyebrow at the two, "Yes?"

"Cieletterre here was looking for you." McGonagall said and Snape slightly raised both his eyebrows when he looked at Ciel, waiting for her to say something. "I was going to ask for my students' outputs but if you have something else to do then I guess I can wait 'til later or —" 

"They're in my office." Snape said in his usually quiet voice, "I'll just bring them to you in your office —"

"Oh no, please, I can just —" 

" _I'll bring them to you_." He repeated sternly, he turned to McGonagall, "I'll be going." He told her and walked away, Ciel watched his back until he disappeared from view as he turned a corner. "Oh, I apologize about him, he hasn't been in a good mood lately," McGonagall said with a sad smile but Ciel just shook her head, "It's alright, s'not your fault."

"I'll tell Dumbledore you're back, dear, go take a rest in your office." McGonagall said worriedly, tapping her shoulder with a smile. "Is that alright?" Ciel asked and McGonagall nodded, telling her to go.

She walked to her chambers where her office also was, sat behind her desk and leaned on the table, expecting to have Snape come in with the papers any minute now but it had been more than 10 minutes and he still hasn't come. She put down the picture frame that she's been staring at to keep herself busy with — memorizing all the movements her parents were making in the frame and pretending to be pointing out details like as if she's never noticed them before.

"Mum, he's making me wait again." She whispered to the photograph. "You should appear in his dreams and tell him off for being like that —" A knock interrupted her talking to the photograph and when she answered come in, Snape walked in with a stack of old papers and some rolls of parchments on top, putting them down on her desk. "Thanks." She mumbled, opening a drawer on her table and taking out a package, "Here, I bought you a thanks gift." She pushed a small, green box tied with thin silver ribbons closer to him, "It's really lame but thought I should at least give you something."

"I don't want it." Snape simply replied without even looking at the box. She stared at him for a bit. "You gotta accept it though," Ciel muttered, "it's lame but I did make an effort." She held the box out to Snape who looked at it and then at her, there was no emotion in particular, he was just _looking_ , which is really weird. He was difficult to read, even his thoughts which should've been the easiest for her. "Come on, take it. It's not a prank and you don't even have to say thanks, just take it and you can leave. I swear I won't tease you about it, and it's not like I'll be asking something in return." She said, clearly exasperated by Snape's arrogance. "It's just a thank-you gift like normal co-workers do." She rolled her eyes. When Snape didn't take it, she placed it down and sighed heavily, "Fine, bye I guess. Thanks for the help with the students." She mumbled. She turned to the papers and started reading the very first work, and she started marking them, not even noticing that Snape had left the room quietly. She spent the rest of the hours before dinner marking her students works. 

When it was time for the nightly meal, she lazily got out from her office and made her way to the Great Hall. It was, as she noticed, unsually louder than always — like as if the students were unnecessarily shouting their stories, there were loud thoughts here and there, and the candles were burning extra bright to the point that it was blinding, the food tasted bland, and the drink was bitter. Everything seemed to be too irritating for her. Remus who was seated next to her, asked if she was okay. She turned to her friend, nodding slightly. Remus smiled, "You're pale. Eat up, you'll feel better and you need it." He pushed her plate closer to her. Ciel nodded again and reluctantly picked up her utensils to finish her food. Once everyone was done and was heading out the Hall, she was still sat quietly in her seat, with no thoughts in particular running in her head.

"Hey, are you okay?" Remus asked worriedly, nudging her a bit, "Do you want to talk? Maybe go for a little walk to freshen up? We have the whole night, Lett." He said in a quiet voice, almost whispering. He knew she'd feel like he's shouting if he talked in his normal volume whenever her mind was clouded. She looked up at her friend's sapphire orbs that comforted her in a way just by staring at them, both pair sympathetically worried.

"Walk me to my office?" She asked, looking down at her hands.

"F'course." Remus said with no hesitation, Ciel got up from her seat, said goodbye to the three teachers left at the table, all looking worried, and walked out with Remus. "You'll be fine, won't you?" He asked with the same worry he always used to give her when they were young, "I'm just here if you don't want to be alone." Ciel, with a small smile, locked arms with Lupin and leaned her head on his arm (she couldn't reach his shoulder) just down by his shoulder while they walked slowly. His hands were tucked in his pockets, giving Ciel small glances every minute or so. "Anything you wanna say?" He dared ask again, Ciel pursed her lips, "Nothing really, just a sad night. I think I'm never getting over it — been twelve years, grieving period should've been over after a few months it had happened." Lupin sighed heavily with a headshake of disagreement, "I don't think there's such a thing — grieving period — you'll feel better on your own time. I know it's taking longer because you haven't fully accepted it yet... maybe you're even blaming yourself, but I hope you're not," he said sincerely, "you did what you could do, you did nothing wrong at all. You tried your best to save them." He looked down at Ciel who was furtively wiping her tears, "You'll be okay eventually. Be sad all you want and cry it out, it's valid — your feelings." He lifted his other hand to her head to pat her gently.

"Thanks John," Ciel chuckled weakly, sniffing and drying her face, while Remus crinkled his nose at the name, "You're having too much fun with the names." She raised her head to look at him, "Your name _is_ John." He shrugged slightly, "Yes, but you never called me that only —" 

" _W_ _hen things are going rough_."

They finished the sentence in unison, laughing a little. "Thanks for the walk." She grinned at Remus. "You'll be fine?" He asked, his hands still warmly tucked in his pockets. Cieletterre nodded, "I'm sure I'll be. You should get some rest." Remus hesitated for a bit but smiled anyway, "I will, you should too. I'm in my office if you decide you still want to walk around, okay?" Remus said, "Don't feel like you'd be bothering me if you came knocking." He added and Ciel nodded again, he opened his arms wide and pulled her into a comforting hug that lasted for about a minute, "You know, you're the person who completes my eight-hugs-a-day requirement." She giggled, swaying him slightly. "And you, mine." He said sweetly, finally breaking the hug, "That should be enough to keep our sanity." He grinned, "Goodnight, Lett." He then said, messing her hair slightly. "See you tomorrow." 

"Goodnight, pup —" 

"Oh, stop it." he said, almost whining, making her laugh again, "I'm kidding. Goodnight, Remmy. See you tomorrow." She said with a small wave. She was about to close the door when Remus called her again. "Hm?" She smiled, both her eyebrows raised.

"I know I'm not in position to say this but..." He stared at her for a bit, hesitating before continuing after a few agonizing seconds, "but I'm certain that, wherever they may be right now, they know you did your best to save them and they're proud of you."

She scanned him for a bit, he looked sincere and she couldn't help but give him a small sad but grateful smile, her tears were threatening to fall again. She pulled him into another hug that lasted for what felt like more than a minute. "Thank you, Remmy." She said, her voice barely above a whisper, "Goodnight." She pecked him on the cheek before getting in her office, smiling again at his stunned figure before closing the door and walking to her room.

She changed into her most comfortable clothes and plopped down the bed, she was feeling so tired, like how she does yearly on the same day, walls become extra plain, the air is too cold, the night is endless, it's like relieving her parents' death again. Thirty minutes, fifty minutes, an hour, an hour and a half, two hours of trying to sleep and just staring at the ceiling with thoughts that are hard to miss, she finally pulled herself up and decided to walk out again. For a second, she wanted to ask Remus to walk with her but it was pretty late and although he told her not to feel like a bother, she didn't want to bother him and deprive him of a good sleep (If anyone deserves a good, long sleep, it's Remus.).

She got up the astronomy tower again, looking down at the school grounds once she's leaned on the parapet. The moon was in its waxing gibbous phase so it wasn't that hard to see things, the trees' branches slightly moving, the whomping willow in particular, was calm tonight and was just letting the wind blow some of its dry leaves away with it, looking up at the starry night, she raised her wand and sent several faint sparks at the sky, "That's for mum — for dad— Oh, wow, that was bright — for Peter — for James — And of course for Lily." She said, sending sparks up for each person she mentioned. She suddenly thought about the other staffs, if there was anyone awake yet and happened to be looking up, she may or may not have caught their attention with the sparks, "But it wasn't too bright," she whispered to herself, putting her wand back in her pocket. She looked down with a heavy sigh, part of her wanted to do a few jumping jacks just so she'd feel tired until it drives her to sleep, and another part wanted to cry all night. Of course the latter was easier.

A pair of stomping feet up the stairs alerted her that someone was coming, "Of course, it's you again." Snape muttered in an annoyed tone. Ciel didn't turn around to see him, she kinda expected him to come ever since she sent those sparks up. Part of Snape, though he didn't like to admit it, expected her to be up there tonight too. 

"Sevvy," she quietly called while she continues to stare at the night sky. He glared at her even though she couldn't see him, "Don't call me that."

"They really liked that nickname for you though." She mumbled, still with an amused smile, "'Hi Sevvy, would you like to come over at ours for a few days this summer?' It was funny, you were their favourite." She let out a short laugh, looking over her shoulders to see Snape, he didn't look mad, annoyed, or anything of the like, he looked solemn, if he's even capable of showing that. She slightly smiled before looking out again, "Bet Sevvy didn't even know they died." She muttered quietly, "I was devastated — maybe as devastated as you were when I heard the news, 12 years ago, on this very exact night." He said, taking a few steps close to her, his fists were clenched a bit, "Were you really?" She asked, it wasn't a sarcastic inquiry, she was genuinely curious, though her voice may have said otherwise. _How could he have known it immediately during the night it happened? Or did he just say it wrong_? She wondered to herself.

"Do you honestly think I'm that ungrateful — or — or bad, insensitive?" Snape asked with a clenched jaw. "I — no —" 

"If you can help sending sparks up the sky, please do, you could possibly alert the dementors — if you even remember they're here." He cut off, "I'm leaving," He said, surprisingly calm, "before this turns into another useless, petty argument." 

"I was really just asking, Snape." She mumbled, "Can you stay a bit?" She asked, "Please." Snape stopped on his tracks but he didn't say anything, he was waiting for whatever reason she had to make him stay. She walked towards him and pulled (dragged) him close to the parapet by his sleeve. "Here, send a small spark." She ordered, Snape furrowed his eyebrows at her, "I just informed you —"

"They treated you like you're their son, Sevvy— " She giggled quietly when he glared at her again for using the nickname, "— And it's the first time I'm commemorating their death with you around. I'm sure they're happy right now, they weren't exactly so glad to find out we fought in 6th year." She mumbled. She pressed her lips together and drummed randomly at the parapet with her hands, '"Well, go on. Just a tiny bit of spark. It's not for me." 

There were a few minutes of silence, Snape was slightly leaning against the parapet too, eyeing the cold, dark night, his chin slightly raised sophisticatedly and he had a straight posture. She looked back outside after staring at him for a bit and examining his unreadable expression. She shivered when the wind blew, rubbed her hands together, and took in a deep breath. Snape probably wasn't going to do it, so what was he still doing there with her?

As if on que when she asked that herself, a spark of green light became visible on the sky and she turned excitedly to Snape who was clutching his wand at his other hand, before returning her eyes to the spark that was slowly disappearing. She smiled brightly at the sky, "A good spark, wasn't it?" She whispered, not to Snape but to the sky, "That was from your little Sevvy —"

"Stop with the nickname." He scowled, "Go to bed now. It's cold. I'm leaving." He said fast before keeping his wand back in his pocket. He walked towards the stairs and she followed suit behind him quietly with a satisfied smile. She felt better and as if a small load of things were lifted off her shoulders, she felt lighter as well. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, she turned to the direction of her office while Snape to the other. "Night and thanks." She called to him before walking farther away.


	6. Jack-O'-Lanterns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this chapter ⚠  
> Blood, knife, cuts
> 
> If these or one of these trigger/s you please do not proceed.
> 
> Read at your own risk jk. Be careful please :-))

"No." Both Snape and Ciel protested in unison. McGonagall sniggered, "Come on now, think of it as a by-pair activity I've assigned." She told the two who were clearly not considering McGonagall's idea. "And annually, we do assign teachers to decorate the school, it just so happens to be the two of you this year." She added and Ciel, raised her hand a bit to ask for permission to talk, "I think it's more reasonable if Remus and I do it since we're both new teachers. I'm sure Snape's been assigned a few times now." Ciel said, gesturing to Snape on the last part. "But, dear," McGonagall replied calmly, "We assign by subjects."

"That is made up." Snape retorted and McGonagall scoffed, "No, it's not. Now, go on, work on the pumpkins. You've got the whole day to finish if you want to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow, dear." Ciel frowned, "Fine. Come on, Snape. Let's just use magic —"

"Oh no," McGonagall said in a misty voice before Ciel could drag Snape away, "I may or may not have used an anti-spell on the pumpkins, you might have to carve it manually."

"WHAT?" Ciel exclaimed, "Professor, I swear, leaving me alone with Snape and knives just don't sound like a very good idea. He's gonna end up stabbing me." She said and Snape rolled his eyes, "You're not worth staying in Azkaban." He told her and she glared at him, "Alright then, _I_ might end up stabbing you intentionally if you don't shut it." McGonagall worriedly looked at the two as if starting to think this really wasn't a good idea, "Hagrid will be in his cabin while you two carve," she said, "you should act nicely, every insult is half a galleon, a whole argument is a galleon off your salaries." 

"You can't do that." Ciel said and McGonagall tilted her head a bit, "Let's pretend I can so it's fun." She giggled, Ciel groaned, "Fine. You should give Snape a pep talk, he's pretty bad tempered," she said, "while I go change into comfortable clothes. Bye!" Ciel told McGonagall before jogging to her office and changing out of her robes. She ran back down to Hagrid's hut in less than 10 minutes to see Snape standing on Hagrid's doorsteps, his back on her, with his hands clasped behind him, he seemed to be talking with Hagrid. He turned around when Hagrid waved at Cieletterre. She waved back at the Gamekeeper and then slightly scowled at Snape. "Aren't you ever changing out of those robes?" She asked Snape who was now walking in to Hagrid's hut to use the backdoor going to the pumpkin patch. She followed behind him with Hagrid at the very front. "That's none of your business." Muttered Snape without looking at her. She mocked him quietly before rolling her sleeves just below her elbows. She was wearing a grey, oversized jumper with a small, barely noticeble, green snake on the chest (which she bought without even thinking about Snape * _eye roll_ *). "Alrigh', I've got the knives 'ere, pre(tt)y sharp and should make cu(tt)ing through these ba'bois easily." Hagrid said, gesturing to his enormous pumpkins.

"Thanks, Hagrid." Ciel said, walking to one pumpkin that was close to the fence, "I'll start with this one. It's pretty big." She said, tapping it. "Righ', g'luck, you two. I'll be in 'ere 'f you need anythin'." Hagrid said before going in his hut. Snape lazily dragged himself to the pumpkin next to Ciel with a knife on his hand. She crinkled her nose looking at him, "This is gonna be fun, isn't it?" She said with forced positivity. When Snape looked at her, she aggresively stabbed the pumpkin without breaking eye contact. He winced a bit but gave her a scornful look after. "I'm very good at carving pumpkins, I liked doing it as a kid," she said, cutting the top, "so first, you open it up here," she was giving instructions to Snape who was looking attentively at what she was doing, she was struggling to cut into it since the pumpkin was pretty hard, "Oh, give me that." Snape said impatiently, taking the knife from her and he started cutting faster than how she was doing. "Right, thanks," she mumbled when Snape finished, "then, pull this up — it's heavy, give me a hand again, _please_." She said, holding the peduncle of the pumpkin, trying to pull the round cut Snape just did at the top. Snape grabbed it and helped her pull it out and when they successfully did, she placed it down on the side. "See, pretty easy." She said, panting a bit. Snape gave her a doubtful look. "Now you take these uh... these stuffs inside," She pointed at the strands and seeds inside the pumpkin, "and pull them out, then we can start carving." She beamed and Snape went to start working on a separate pumpkin just two meters away from her. She unconsciously gave a small smile before sitting criss-cross by the pumpkin, "You know, we're gonna be out here for a few hours," she said to Snape as she starts pulling the strands and seeds out, "we might as well play nice or something... talk maybe?" She turned to Snape who was busy cutting his fruit, "No." He simply said and Ciel grinned, "Great, great. So what'd'you wanna talk about?" Snape looked at her with a weirded out expression but she went on anyway, "Alright then, I'll choose the topic... uhmm..." She was now drawing on the pumpkin's skin by lightly grazing it with her knife, "I don't have anything in mind, how 'bout you?" She turned to Snape again who was now scraping the insides clean and paying no attention to what she was saying, he was also seated criss-cross on the ground, "Are you married?" She randomly asked, making Snape grunt irritably, "I mean I don't see any ring — NOT —" She immediately added when Snape looked up at her with a knowing look, "— not that I was checking." She cleared her throat. "I was just curious, you know. So if you were, d'you wanna talk about her? What's she like and stuff. But if you're not yet married, then, I completely understand the reasons for that," she said as she struggles to shape the eyes of her lantern. "Maybe marriage is just not for you." She added. She turned to Snape, who was busy with his own pumpkin, paying no attention to whatever she was saying a while ago. "You know you'd be more comfortable if you changed out of your robes, right?" She said, eyeing his black cape that was laying behind him. "I couldn't care less." He muttered, dumping the last strands of the fruit on the ground beside it. He looked at Ciel's pumpkin to see what to carve, Ciel snorted, "Need help, Sevvy?" Snape glared at her and she just laughed a little before getting up and pushing her pumpkin closer to him and seating beside him with a reasonable amount of space between them so they could each move freely, "You draw a scary face like this one." She pointed on the face she was working on, "With sharp teeth and angry, slanted eyes, or it can be a happy, smiling one. Eitherway, just draw some eyes, nose, and mouth." Snape shrugged a bit before starting to lightly graze the pumpkin, Ciel groaned a bit as she watched him work, "Give it." She said, her hand out in front of him. Snape looked at her out-stretched hand confusedly, "Give what?"

"Your hand." She ordered and Snape crinkled his nose in annoyance, thinking she's wasting time, before working on his fruit again. "I said give it." She repeated, getting a little impatient. "For what?" Snape said, a little louder. "Don't shout, Hagrid'll think we're arguing. Just give it." She said. Snape reluctantly stretched his hand to her and she grabbed his sleeve, rolling them down until it can't be rolled anymore — which wasn't that much really. The sleeve only rolled to his wrist, not even reaching half his forearm. There were a lot of buttons on it too and she didn't want to unbutton it in case he was uncomfortable. "Your sleeves are getting in the way so I'll roll them a bit if you don't want to unbutton," she said, more calmly, "why are they even so long? I could barely see your palms everyday... NOT —" She said immediately, "— that I was looking again... everday." She mumbled, rolling the sleeve on his other arm. "If you were bright enough, you would've changed into working clothes, shitbottle." 

Snape pulled his hand back harshly when she finished rolling the sleeves, his face contorted, "Your language is beyond revolting," he said, "tell me, do you just pair random obscenities with equally random nouns?" He asked sarcastically. "I guess so; dickbag, shitsack, fucktard." Ciel said in amusement, she was now working back on her fruit, almost finishing her first one, "You and your mu —"

"Me and my what? My what?" Ciel asked aggressively, "You were about to say mudblood —" 

"No—" 

"HAGRID, SNAPE WAS ABOUT TO CALL ME A MUDBLOOD!" Ciel shouted and Hagrid appeared on his doorstep, "I WAS NOT." Snape said in his defence, "You two be(tt)er act nicely or 'am tellin' McGonagall." Hagrid said and Snape glared at Cieletterre, "I was going to say, you and your muggle curses, you _shitbottle_." He said, picking up on her vocabulary, "Stop telling on me, what are you, twelve?"

"Hey, I never told on you when we were that age." She said, finally making the cuts on her pumpkin clean and straight. "Really? Then why did your mum —" he stopped himself from finishing his sentence. Ciel blinked a couple of times at Snape who was now very keen on finishing his jack-o-lantern. "My mum what?" She asked, pushing her carved pumpkin away so she could pull another one to work on close to her legs. "Nothing. We are never going to finish working on this if you keep chattering." He mumbled, working on the eyes of his lantern. She looked at him carefully, trying to hear what he's thinking but weirdly enough, he wasn't thinking about amything. But being thoughtless is almost impossible. She pursed her lips and shrugged off her thoughts, "You're the one who brought it up so now I'm gonna want to know because it includes someone I miss." She muttered, cutting the top of the pumpkin, still visibly struggling, Snape took her knife again and cut it open for her, "It was nothing. She only sent me a letter, summer after we fought in sixth year. Just one time." He quietly said, now pulling the top off by the pumpkin stem. "Did she? What'd she say?" She said after mumbling a quiet thanks and Snape went back to his own fruit. "It was a letter for _me_ so you don't really need to know." He said, matter-of-factly. She sighed, pulling the strands and seeds out, "That wasn't telling on you. I only told her we weren't in good terms because she was wondering why you stopped sending letters, I didn't say the reason though, just said, we both got new friends and being in different houses proved hard to keep being friends because of busy schedules." She mumbled, "I know she wasn't probably convinced by that made-up reason but she never asked me more about it." 

Snape was now also working on his second pumpkin, cutting its top, he didn't reply anymore so it was just the sound of the leaves rustling and Hagrid's random baby-talking with his dog, Fang. Sometimes, very faint sounds of laughter from the castle could also be heard. "Snape," she quietly called and he raised his eyebrow without looking up from his work, "It's not that I'm trying to invade your privacy... but I was just curious... I don't hear any of your thoughts, like none at all." She said anxiouly and Snape looked up with a small smirk, "I improved my occlumency, that's why."

It was a really good level of occlumency, she really couldn't hear anything. When Snape found out about the aptitude of her legilimency, he promised her he'd learn occlumency when they were just students. But even then, she could still read some of his thoughts unlike now where he could completely block her off, _he's gotten really good at it._ She thought to herself.

"Have a lot to conceal then, I suppose," she said, working back on her pumpkin, "that's a good level of occlumency." She sincerely said, smiling up at him for a second. "Did you ever learn to control it?" He asked. "I think so, I can block out thoughts when I want to, I promised Remus I wouldn't read him... so I had to try my hardest and so I've gotten good at it," she said, "but I accidentally read him again at breakfast the next morning after the start of term, couldn't help it."

Snape didn't say anything back which took them in for another long ans agonizing silence. "Good thing it's not hot today nor rainy." Ciel mumbled to herself after another twenty minutes, looking up the sky. They were now able to finish at least 6 lanterns each but there were still loads left. Tired, Ciel leaned on a pumpkin to prop herself on a half-sitting position while her legs were stretched out. She was cutting through the pieces of pumpkins that they cut off from the lanterns they were making. "There are still about twenty pumpkins here, I don't see any reason to take a break now." Snape said, pulling his eighth pumpkin close to him. "I'm tired, really tired, the pumpkins are so hard to cut into, I can't even cut the top off without you having to do it for me." She drawled, throwing her hands up lazily. "You could take a break too, I won't mind." She said, closing her eyes. "We won't finish in time." Snape said, making Ciel groan, she sat up and glowered at Snape, "You're all work, you know that?"

"Yeah, and you're all breaks." He retorted, "I work on fixing things and all you do is take a break from it." 

"Oh, dear god," she yammered loudly at Snape, "You keep bringing that up every opportunity you get, huh?" She rolled her eyes at him, "I told you before, defending yourself isn't saying sorry — it wasn't fixing things, _Snape_." He put his knife down and gave her a bored look, "And as I've told you too, it's not ' _defending_ ' myself, I was just letting you understand my side." He said calmly. "Yeah sure, but you weren't taking in my side."

"You're selfish." He said in an annoyed voice.

"Selfish? How was I selfish —"

"You can't always expect me to hear you out — our friendship just revolved around you. It's always fine if you get mad at me for something because you know I'll just try and make up with you but when I'm mad, you're mad —"

"When did I ever —" 

"So who was going to ask me what's wrong? Who was going to apologize to me? No one was, so in the end I'll be the one to apologize for getting mad because you were my only friend apart from _her_ and if I don't have you, I wouldn't have anyone. But you — you're so full of friends you could always go to so it never once bothered you when we're not in good terms —"

"That's what you think!" Ciel riposted, she wiped the tears she didn't even know were streaming down while Snape was ranting, "Godric — Salazar — Helga — Rowena —whoever the hell — know I care about you _so_ much, Snape, and if you think I was having fun every time we had a little misunderstanding, I was so not! If you ask Remus right now —"

"Leuna, stop it." Snape interjected calmly.

"No, you need to listen to me and don't call me that — god, I hate that name —" 

"I said, stop it, Leuna." He said, more stern this time. "Stop calling me that —" 

"I said, stop it! You're holding the knife wrong!" He snapped, moving closer to her. He grabbed her hand gently and removed her grip on the knife. Which she now felt the stinging sensation it gave her, her hand was dripping with thick, dark red fluid. "You're so stupid." Snape fuddled with his robe, he was panicking a bit although he wasn't showing it, "Honestly, how can one be this — you shouldn't be allowed around sharp objects." He wrapped her hand with his cloak and applied pressure on it to stop the bleeding. "Stop crying." Snape said, a little comforting if she was hearing him right. He unrolled his sleeve with his teeth, his other hand was holding her bleeding one. "You didn't change one bit," Snape said quietly, wiping her tears with his sleeve, "you're still a crybaby." Ciel was just looking at the knife she gripped on, it was covered in blood. Her breathing was hitching and she tried to calm herself down. "Where's your wand?" He asked. She sniffed, bringing herself to look at Snape for a second, "Left it... my office." She whispered, she didn't trust her voice, she still felt like crying so it might break again. Snape sighed and, still holding her hand, got up to his feet. She looked up at his tall, hovering figure, squinting a bit now that the sun felt a little brighter and was stinging her tear-filled eyes. "Come on, I also left my wand, I can't do anything to control its bleeding." He said, helping her up. "You can remove the cape." She mumbled, "Don't be stupid, the cut was deep, I just told you, we need to stop the bleeding and we can't do that here." He said, looking at her, not particularly mad but worried (if he even feels that). He pulled her towards Hagrid's cabin who immediately asked what's wrong when he noticed Ciel's tear-stained face, "You di'n't make 'er cry, did you?" Hagrid asked Snape accusingly. "We'll be going, we'll try to come back later." Snape said, ignoring Hagrid's question. "I'm fine, Hagrid. Thanks." Ciel said, letting Snape drag him out, Hagrid's eyes wondered from her eyes to her hand that were wrapped in Snape's cloak and his hand holding it. "What happened?" He asked again but Ciel just puffed her cheeks and waved to Hagrid with her free hand. She and Snape were walking back up to the castle, where no students were lurking, weirdly enough, both of them swallowed by silence. They went straight to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey wasn't there unfortunately, Snape sighed and let her sit on a bed closest to the storage cupboards. "I'll remove this so I could look for something in the drawers." He said, pertaining to his cloak that wrapped her cut. She didn't reply since Snape wasn't really asking for permission but merely letting her know what he's about to do. Ciel winced a bit when Snape removed the pressure, it was like the cut opened wide again after being squeezed shut for a few minutes, the stinging got worst and the cut was throbbing painfully along with her chest. When Snape completely unwrapped her hand, the deep cut that was accross her palm, opened a bit. "Hold your hand here with your free hand." Snape instructed, "And don't try and move this." He pointed at her bleeding hand. She just nodded and watched Snape walk towards the drawers and cabinets, opening them and scanning the contents. When he found the potion he was looking for, he walked to her bed and sat beside her. He took her hand again and placed it on his lap. She stared at him as he examines the cut, his cold persona wasn't there, just the old friend she had when she was a teen. It was almost impossible to think that he's the same person who kept scowling at her every day the past two months almost. The words he said a while ago echoed in her mind again. It was extremely quiet in the wing so it felt like she was hearing him rant all over again. She felt so bad. "This might sting a bit, I'm going to squeeze a few drops on your cut." He said, opening the bottle of Essence of Dittany. She tried to pull her hand back when the first drop reached her cut but Snape was holding her on her wrist. "Sorry." Snape mumbled, "Just a few more drops to close the cut." He quietly said. He repeated the process and Ciel still flinched but she didn't try to pull her hand back anymore.

"Get some rest. I'll tell McGonagall we carved enough already." He said once he was done, placing the potion back in the cabinet. The doors burst open revealing Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall. Snape's face went back to its usual expression, annoyed and cold. "What happened? Hagrid said there was a knife covered in blood — no one got stabbed, is there?" McGonagall asked, her voice panicking as she walked towards Cieletterre. "I'm sorry, dear, I was at the staff room because no one usually goes to the wing on weekends." Madam Pomfrey said, "Are you alright? What happened?"

"I'm fine, thanks. It's alright, Madam Pomfrey, s'not life-threatening." Ciel said weakly, "Just held the knife wrong, didn't see where the handle was." Ciel looked over to Snape who arched a brow. "I think we carved enough pumpkins, Minerva. We'll do the rest of the decorating later after she gets a rest." Snape said, McGonagall just looked at him, unsure of what to reply. He bowed very slightly and was about to leave the room. "Se — nape!" Ciel called before he could go. He stopped walking but didn't turn around anymore. "Uh... thanks." She mumbled and Snape, very slightly, nodded before leaving the room. McGonagall sighed once he's left, "Good to know you're feeling alright, dear. Don't overwork yourself, get some rest."

"I'm fine, Professor. Think I'll go to my office for now." Ciel said, getting off the bed. "Are you sure?" Madam Pomfrey asked. "Yes, thank you." She smiled at the two, "Snape's closed the cut for me, I should be fine... bye."

Cieletterre lumbered towards her office, squeezed past her doors and lolled tiredly on her bed. She was looking up the ceiling, which looked extra dark at the moment. "I'm a horrible person." She muttered to herself followed by a very heavy sigh. Everything Snape just said moments ago kept replaying in her head like a broken record, only disturbed by a knock on her door. She fixed her jumper and rolled down her sleeves before walking towards her door, a ready-smile plastered on her face. "Oh," Ciel said when she opened the door, " _Oh_? Am I that disappointing now?" Remus asked jokingly. "No, no, I'm actually glad it's you," she replied, opening the door wider and beckoning him in, "I thought it was going to be a student. I wasn't really in the mood." Remus sat on the chair in front of her desk, "Hagrid told me about the knife. Are you alright?" He asked worriedly, scanning her hand for any cuts. "It's a long cut." He said quietly, looking at the cut accross her palm. She nodded a bit and mumbled, "I held it wrong." Remus sighed and distinguished her tired face. He looked around instead to avoid the topic she obviously wasn't ready to talk about. His eyes fell on her posters, "The bands you always talked about." He said, pointing at it, Ciel chuckled weakly with a nod, "You're pretty good at remembering." She said and Lupin mumbled something indiscernible under his breath before looking back at her, "I never heard any of their songs." Ciel's face lightened, "I brought some vinyls from home when I got back yesterday — oh, but I haven't got a record player." She pursed her lips. "We can use the one in the staff room." Lupin suggested with a smile, he was leaning forward on the desk, waiting for her to say something. "Alright, wait, I'll get one." She grinned excitedly, the whole event just a while ago was now completely off her mind. She ran to her room and came back a few minutes later with a record on her hand, he pulled Remus up with enthusiam and they went on their way to the staff room.

When they got there, three Professors, Trelawney, Burbage, and Sinistra, who were happily chatting, stopped to look at the pair. "Oh, hi." Ciel grinned, the three greeted Lupin and Cieletterre, Professor Burbage also asking if she was alright and Ciel nodded with a polite smile as an answer. "Uhm, can we..." Ciel asked, holding the record up, "Would you mind if we played a bit of music?" She asked, "I've always wanted to let Remus hear a song from my favourite band." 

"Not at all, dear." Professor Sinistra grinned and Ciel said her thanks before walking towards the player. "Can I pick the song?" Remus asked and Ciel smiled, "Sure."

Remus scanned the list while Ciel set the player up, the tonearm was lifted. "How about this... Track number 4, _Oh! Darling_. The title sounds convincing." He said, pointing at it and showing it to her, she immediately set it up and sat beside him, "Good choice." She grinned, nudging him. The song started playing and a smile crept on Remus's face, "I love it, we can dance to it." He commented, swaying a bit. "We can." She agreed. He got up and held his hand out to her, "Let's dance then." He invited and Ciel stared at his hand for a bit before meeting his eyes, "We're really dancing?" She asked and the tall man shrugged, "Only if you take my hand."

She bit her lip before taking his hand, "I don't dance though." She said as Remus guided her other hand to his shoulder, "I don't either, but we can try."

"Your shoulder is so hard to reach. I hate that you're so tall." She sighed, making Remus laugh a bit. "Not that tall, you're just a little short." He teased and Ciel lightly hit his arm, "I'm 5'5." She said and Remus held his giggles back, "And I'm 6'2... and a half maybe." Ciel rolled her eyes jokingly at her friend, "Alright, you boastful boy." 

"Oh, you, two, deserve the privacy." Professor Trelawney said, stifling an excited giggle, "We should go." She told the other professors. Ciel let out a short laugh, "Please don't, you can dance with us." 

"Watching you lot is already as good as dancing." Professor Burbage said and the other two agreed. She grinned at them before looking back at Remus who was flushing a bit at their comments. "Didn't you mention the both of you were in the same year here at Hogwarts?" Sinistra asked with full interest and Ciel nodded at her. "Did you ever date?"

The pair laughed, Lupin, almost nervously, while they shake their heads.

"Why not?"

"I guess we're both just fine being friends." Ciel shrugge without looking at Remus. She wanted to add something to the reason but she couldn't bring herself to do so. The Professors, though keen to know more, just frowned at the reply but thought better than to make it uncomfortable for them. The pair was swaying to the beat and Remus would let her spin after a few moments or so, wide smiles were plastered on both their faces as the song continued to play. 

_Oh! Darling, if you leave me_   
_I'll never make it alone_   
_Believe me when I tell you_   
_I'll never do you no harm, believe me darlin'_

"Wait. Stay here." Ciel said excitey when the song finally ended, "I'll pick the next song." She said, running to the player and placing the needle on a different place. She went back to Remus and took his hand again, "I love this one too." She beamed at him. The song was slower and so were their movements. One hand was placed on her waist while the other was holding her hand up to their side. "You're actually the first person I ever danced with." She said, looking down at their synchronised feet. Remus smiled and squeezed her hand a bit, "I'm honoured."

_Somewhere in her smile she knows_   
_That I don't need no other lover_

She brought her eyes to Remus's which were brighter than usual. She smiled weakly, "Rem?" He hummed as a reply, his eyebrows raised, waiting for what she was going to say. "Did I... Did I ever make you feel like you're not being listened to?" She inquired in a quiet voice as to not let the other Professors hear. "I..." Remus paused to think, "Well... I —sometimes, but it was fine, I never really tried to bring myself to talk... and besides, I loved hearing you talk all the time." He said, "Even if it was always about — er... Charms?" He said, averting his gaze. 

_You're asking me will my love grow_   
_I don't know, I don't know_

She let her hand fall from his shoulder to his side and she leaned her head on his chest, "I'm sorry." She muttered, Remus sighed, putting both their hands down and wrapped her in a hug instead, still swaying her gently to the beat, "Sorry for what?"

"For making you feel like that... I should have tried to at least ask for your thoughts sometimes." She said, feeling a lump build in her throat, "I'm a really bad friend." Remus, whose chin was leaning on the top of her head, bent his torso slightly back so could see her, "I told you, it was fine with me. And you were never a bad friend." He said comfortingly. She should be feeling better with his words but the more he was being nice, the more she felt bad. "Stop being nice to me for once," she said, "I feel really bad." 

"Don't be." Remus said reprovingly. Before Ciel could even reply, the door opened and her eyes caught Snape's black pair which darted towards Remus. Snape froze for the tiniest bit of second before pulling himself together to talk, "Hagrid's patch, if you're feeling well enough already." He said coldly, giving Remus one last look before turning to his heels and closing the door louder than he was probably intending to causing all five of them in the staff room to flinch slightly.

"I'll see you later..." Cieletterre said, pulling away from the hug. 

_I don't want to leave her now_   
_You know I believe and how_

Lupin wanted to ask her to stay since she was visibly tired but nodded anyway, showing her a smile, "I'll see you."


	7. End of the Day

Without wasting any more minute, Cieletterre hurried down to Hagrid's patch, almost slipping on the steps but made it safely beside Snape anyway. He changed out of the long robes he was wearing just an hour ago, it was still black and with the long sleeves, with many buttons but minus the cloak. For some reason, he looked scarier than he usually does everyday.

"I... could wash your uh... robes." She offered awkwardly to let him know of her presence, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet. "Don't bother," Snape said coldly without turning to see her, "we're to bring these up." He walked towards the carved pumpkins, pulling slightly on his sleeves before picking one up. She eyed him a little confused, _how is he nice and comforting just an hour ago... But is back to his cold and emotionless self now_? She thought to herself, looking at him load the cart. 

Before she could pick up a carved lantern that was closest to her, Professor McGonagall called, causing the pair to turn to her. She was wearing her long, black robes that reached the ground, with long sleeves that looked elegant on her, and a hat as always that covers her hair that was tied up in a tight bun. "Leave it there, leave it there." Said McGonagall, panting a little from rushing down from the castle, "I'll have someone else do it, you two have done enough." Cieletterre frowned a bit, although elated to hear the news, "I thought we'll be decorating... and stuff?"

"Yes, yes. I didn't say you'd also be the ones to carry heavy things," McGonagall answered, almost nervously, Ciel noticed, like as if she's done something wrong.

_'Oh, I'm really sorry.'_

"For what?" Ciel asked, looking at the Professor who stared at her for a few seconds, "What?" She asked back instead. Ciel shook her head and smiled vaguely, "Nothing, sorry." She said, looking down at her hands. _I thought she said that out loud, it was very clear._ She mentally thought to herself, shaking her head. "You can work on the Great Hall tomorrow instead or plan it a bit today." McGonagall walked to Ciel and grabbed her by her arm as well as Snape, who furrowed his eyebrows a bit but just let the Deputy Headmistress do whatever she was doing. She guided the two back up to the castle, "I am apologizing for giving you the trouble, ms. Crown, I didn't think anyone would get hurt." She said sincerely, loosing her grip on her arm so she could squeeze it. Ciel shook her head, bringing a hand to McGonagall's and tapping it, "Oh, it was nothing. It was just a small cut —" she met Snape's gaze for a quick second before he looked away again, "— and it didn't hurt that much, so I'm fine. Accidents do happen." She said with enthusiasm so it sounded convincing, McGonagall sighed rather deeply, "I didn't think both of you would actually believe I put an anti-spell on the pumpkins."

The two abruptly stopped from walking, causing McGonagall to retract from her steps. "So... we carved three hours..." Ciel stiffened, looking mindlessly at her Professor. "Didn't any of you try to use your wands first to check?" McGonagall asked with the tone that suggests it was the most obvious thing to do first. "I left my wand in my office thinking that it would be necessary to bring it, it'll just poke my back if I carry it around while I work." Ciel muttered, now feeling stupid for doing so. McGonagall on the other hand was delighted, she smiled sheepishly, "On the bright side, you spent time together —" she said, beaming at Snape who just gave her a nasty look, "— I'll be adding it to your salary, okay? Besides, you two got to talk, that's a good thing. Hagrid told me you did a pretty good job and that you didn't even argue once." 

Snape and Ciel shared a quick look which excited McGonagall, unbeknownst to her it was a look of guilt. She grabbed the pair again and beckoned them towards the Great Hall where a couple of students were seated, chatting and doing various school works. "There, I'll be leaving. I'll handle the rest of the pumpkins." McGonagall said, her giddiness back again. 

When she finally left the Hall, Ciel immediately felt uncomfortable around Snape, he wasn't talking or even glancing in her direction. They were both just standing near the entrance, overlooking the students who were all busy. The Great Hall suddenly felt ten times larger and it was loud but quiet at the same time, if that even makes sense. She cleared her throat, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I think I can handle the decorating myself," she said, looking anywhere on the Hall but Snape's direction, "I already have something in mind, I'll do it tomorrow before leaving for Hogsmeade. Thanks for the help with the pumpkins... and the cut." She finally brought herself to look at Snape who just slightly tilted his head to her, "I'll see you around." She added, bowing before leaving him there. She didn't really have anything in mind for the Great Hall, she just wanted to leave him as soon as she could, also because she felt like he wasn't in the mood to do anything else after all that ranting down Hagrid's patch.

She let out a sigh of relief once she made it out corridors that lead the way towards the staff room. Being with Snape always made her feel uneasy but today was extra worse than always — she felt so bad about everything. 

So why isn't she apologizing yet? She had a lot of chances to apologize today but she couldn't bring herself to do so. 

She poked her head in the staff room and just as she was hoping, Remus was still there, just him, still playing the _Abbey Road_ album that she's brought a while ago. He was seated near the fireplace on a couch, the room looked cozier than it had been a while ago and the fire was making everything around the room appear to be a bit orange and their shadows flickering. "'You picked your favourite yet?" She asked, walking toward her friend. He smiled up at her, "I like ' _Something_ '. The song you played a while ago." He replied, holding up the vinyl case that had the printed album cover on it. She sat beside him, "Any reason?

"Just good lyrics." He said, looking at the album cover with full interest.

"Good lyrics, huh?" She mused. Ciel poked his arm teasingly, "Thinking of someone perhaps? When can I meet her?" Lupin rolled his eyes at her though there was a small smile drawn on his lips, "I just like the song." He laughed, putting the cover down, "I also like this — Golden Slumbers." He pointed at the air, as if musical notes were visible, the _The Beatles_ song was echoing in the whole room.

_Sleep pretty darling_  
_Do not cry_  
_And I will sing a lullaby_

"You've got pretty good choices," she said, "can't wait for you to hear their other songs one day." She grinned at her friend. They fell into silence, both just listening to the song quietly until the next started playing. It was that type of silence that made everyone's thoughts louder; only this time, her own was so loud that she couldn't even isolate them from Remus's.

 _"You're selfish." Was I really? I just know I never meant to be one. Maybe I was so caught up in my own feelings that I never thought about his._ She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes to try and relax, the music raining down on her. It was so hard to ignore the repeating voice of Snape saying she was selfish, it was like it was trying so hard to nail itself between the folds of her brain that thinking about it literally gave her that painful throbbing sensation in the head.

"You coming to Hogsmeade?" She asked when the silence was becoming too heavy for her despite the music playing. He shook his head, "I'll be finsihing a few things... And Snape'll probably be bringing me my potion, can't miss that." Ciel slightly frowned, bringing her feet up the couch and leaning her chin between her knees, "Don't wanna go alone though." 

"McGonagall and the rest of the teachers," Remus replied, "you can go with them."

She sighed as she fidgets with the loose thread on the sleeve of her jumper. "They'll probably be staying at The Three Broomsticks all day during the visit..." She mumbled. She turned her head to look at Remus, "That's alright, I can go next time when you can."

"How about Severus?" He suggested quietly, looking at the fire cracking on the fire place, "He can go with you after he's made my potion." He smiled wryly and Ciel just fell into a groan, burying her face on her knees, her insides were twisting with guilt now, "I did something stupid to him." She drawled, her muffled voice drowning the music. "What do you mean?" Remus asked, straightening on his seat, "What happened?" 

She lazily sat up properly and frowned at her friend. She started telling him everything that happened, how stupid, selfish, and arrogant she was, until the part where he brought her to the hospital wing and even helped her with her cut. "I was so sure I needed to hear an apology from him but now — oh, Merlin, what should I do?" She asked no one in particular.

"Did you... Apologize? Are you friends with him again?" He hesitantly asked and Ciel rubbed her face even more in frustration, "I tried apologizing, Rem. I did, but this stupid mouth of mine won't talk — I really wanted to apologize in the Hospital wing, but I couldn't, I don't know why — and oh, Godric, I think it made it worse — he won't look at me anymore!

"I'm sure he'll come off it soon," Remus said unconvincingly. The music now playing loudly again when no one replied. "He may have just been shock from his own words — I don't think he intended to open up." He then added consolingly. Ciel didn't say anything, Remus could be right, he was just flustered from the outburst, I'm sure he'll be back to his normal self tomorrow... _Yeah, that's right. He's just in shock right now._

++🌻++

The next day, Ciel had woken up early to start working on the Great Hall without Snape's help, even though it was supposed to be the pair's work. She hurried on with it, getting an opinion from a few teachers here and there, and not long after she's done, she prepared for the trip to Hogsmeade. 

"Glad you've decided to come, I thought you said you couldn't." Professor McGonagall told her as she walked towards the other teachers. "I thought I wasn't going to finish decorating the Hall in time, and besides, I wouldn't want to miss it. Haven't visited for years!" She grinned excitedly, "I think I'm going to Honeydukes, I'm craving for sweets." McGonagall smiled, "You can watch students on your way there. Make sure they behave." She told her with that same motherly gesture of putting a hand on her back as if guiding her to walk. Ciel nodded, "I will... misbehave with them." She said, and the pair of them laughed.

The students were walking in cluster as they talk about what they were going to do first during the time they get to spend there. Hogsmeade weekends are like a real break for them, they get to spend the whole day 'til before curfew just frolicking outside, tasting every type of sweets, drinking butterbear, and buying all fun stuffs at Jonko's joke shop. 

When they made it there, Ciel immediately went to Honeydukes just like she told McGonagall, meeting students on the way and smiling at them when they greeted her. The shop was pretty crowded but being a teacher had its benefits — students move out of the way for her — and you get free sweets here and there. "Try this, professor, it's really good!" A student told her as she walked by her group of friends, "Thanks, I will." She beamed, taking the candy the girl was holding for her, "Having fun?" She asked and they all nodded excitedly at her. "Go check out Zonko's joke shop for twice the fun."

Ciel tasted as much sweets as she can, accidentally bumping at Ron and Hermione arguing over something again. "Something wrong? Where's Harry?" She asked, standing beside the pair, "Oh, hi Professor. Harry couldn't come, he didn't get his form signed," Hermione answered, "So we're buying lots of sweets for him instead but Ron keeps picking up the worst ones." 

"No, I'm not! I just know what Harry would like!" Ron retorted, equally annpyed as her, Ciel let out a soft giggle, patting the third year, "Calm down, mr. Weasley. I'm sure Harry would aporeciate everything you give him, Hermione." She told her, she looked at Ron with a 'fine-pick-out-what-you-want' look and Ron started picking some sweets. "Where's Professor Lupin, Professor?" Hermione asked, her arm carrying loads of honeydukes products. "He couldn't come," Ciel simply answered, "I guess I should pick out some gifts for him too, shouldn't I? Can I stay with you two?" She asked and the pair nodded excitedly, "F'course, Professor."

Once the three finished buying everything they wanted, they decided to go to the joke shop that she's gotten so used to visiting when she became friends with the Marauders when they were students. "Hold this one, Professor." One of the Weasley twins (she can't name them) said to her, holding out a small frog, "No, I know what that does." She told him with a smug look. The twins have been pranking her with all sorts of stuffs ever since the two have gotten comfortable in her class. They were all harmless though so she'd let them off, maybe it's because she takes them lightly that they don't stop pranking her. "It's just a normal teensy frog, Professor." The twin said, holding it out closer to her. "No, George. I'm not holding it." She said in a stern voice. "I'm not George. I'm Fred." Fred says with a sulking look. She chuckled, "Forgive me, I just eenie-minee-mooed your names in my head." 

"Not very good at telling twins apart, are you, Professor?" Fred shook his head, clicking his tongue in feign disappointment. "Well go wear something that isn't exactly the same as your twin brother." She said, picking up a fake wand, "I'll hex you with this, maybe then you'd look a bit different." She pointed the wand at him, "I think I'll just plaster a nametag on my forehead." Fred says, making her giggle. "How's Molly been?" She asked as she placed the wand back on the shelf. Fred shrugged, "Mum's been great. D'you know her?" He asked back and Ciel nodded, "'Course I knew her. We were friends. we have a secret, I guess she never told you and George." She grinned and Fred looked at her curiously. "Well anyway, I'll go look for the other teachers," she said, tiptoeing to try and see over the crowd, "I've lost Hermione and Ron," she said to Fred who still seemed to be contemplating whether or not should he ask what the secret was, but he never got the chance anymore when she said, "Tell them I went ahead, alright, Fred?" He nodded and gave her a salute, "Bye, Professor." 

She smiled at him before walking out the crowded shop to go to The Three Broomsticks where the other Professors probably were. "I was told Harry kept convincing you to sign his form." She said to McGonagall after she's seated beside her, "He did. But I think it better that he stayed at school, he's much safer there than out here." Ciel nodded in agreement. Rosmerta walked to their table with a huge smile, "Anything I could get you, dear?" She asked Ciel. "Red currant rum —" She said but McGonagall lightly tapped her arm, "You can't be drinking something alcoholic right now." She said in a scolding manner, "We're on school hours." 

"It's a weekend — and Hagrid's doing it." She replied, "Don't worry, I won't get drunk, professor." She grinned happily, turning to Rosmerta with an excited grin, "Red currant rum, please." Rosmerta patted her shoulder, "Good choice, good choice, we do need breaks from school." She told Cieletterre supportively and she walked away to prepare her drink.

The group of teachers spent the next hour talking about random stuffs — work-related and not. Ciel was just listening to their conversation, not really having any story or gossip to share to them. She only talked when they asked her something like, "How are the students treating you, not rudely, I hope?" It seems like everyone in the table was being careful not to let slip Snape's name in their conversation since she didn't hear his name once, although she wanted to hear about their thoughts about him, surely, co-workers will have a different opinion on him compared to students, right? They never brought him up though or ask her anything related to him, aware that they weren't exactly in good terms at the moment — they're probably gossiping about it in the staff room when she's not around.

Having lost count of how many refills of rum she'd consumed, her head started to throb a bit. She decided it was time to go back though it was barely 6 at night. She got up rather lazily, letting out a deep sigh, "I'm heading back first." She told the teachers, "Excuse me." She slightly bowed and excused herself, the room zooming in and out in her vision. Before she could walk away, McGonagall pulled her gently to sit again, "You can't go alone. Someone's told me to keep an eye on you." She said and Ciel scrunched her eyebrows, "Remus?"

"Doesn't matter. You can't go, especially not in that state, you're a little intoxicated." She reprimanded but Ciel still got up, "I promise I'll be safe. And I'm... Not. Drunk —" She waved her hands energetically in front of the Professors, "Perfectly fine. I can see all ten of my fingers." She beamed at them.

McGonagall hesitantly allowed her to and she clapped quietly before saying her goodbyes to the others before she walked out The Three Broomsticks and made her way back to Hogwarts, a little tipsy.

++🌻++

"Why aren't you working these days?" A woman asked, folding the freshly dried clothes that were dumped on the bed. She was in a mint green-painted room with a double bed in the corner, a dressing table near the door, and a tall wardrobe beside it. "Leave it there, mum, I'll fold them." Ciel said, without taking her eyes off her book. "Oh, I'm not doing anything, I could do these for now." The same woman with black, short curls, wearing a blue, button up shirt, smiled at her. "I asked why you stopped going to work these days, honey." She said again, and although it was demanding, she still sounded sweet and comforting, Ciel inhaled and placed her book down after putting a bookmark between the pages. "There's just something going on in the — er — wizard world? And I thought it was safer if I was here." She replied, taking some clothes from the pile and folding them too. "What's going on, does it have something to do with us immediately moving out from New Kingston?" Her mother asked worriedly. Ciel hesitated, her mother wouldn't understand, maybe she would, but it's better if she doesn't hear it, she wouldn't have to worry about it then. "Just... some things, mum. I — where's dad, by the way? I told him to stop coming home late — it's not safe —"

"Oh, he'll be fine, dear. Your dad always comes home late before, how come you're only telling him now?" Her mother asked, giggling a bit. "No, mum, it's _really_ not safe this time. I'm calling him —" Cieletterre jumped off her bed and ran downstairs, ignoring her mum's confused calling after her. She dialed her dad's office and it rang for a few seconds before a woman picked up the phone, " _Hello? Arabelle Higgins speaking_."

"Uh — Ceasar — sir Ceasar Crown? Mr. Crown? Can I speak to him please? Uhm — uh — it's her daughter, Leuna." She stammered, her foot nervously tapping on the floor. " _Okay, hold on a minute, dear. I'll ask where he is —_ " The woman said and there was a faint sound of her shouting, asking where Ceasar Crown was and an even fainter sound of a man reaponding inaudibly. Her heart started beating fast, " _Oh, honey, he went home an hour ago_ —That" That's it, that was enough to wash all colours off her face, " _— hasn't he come home yet? I'm sure he's just stuck in traffic. I'll call back in case he comes back here, alright?_ " The woman said, " _Hello? Ms. Leuna? Hello?_ "

"Y-yeah. Yeah. T-thank you, ms. Higgins." Ciel replied quietly, putting the handset down the phone table. She stared at the staircase where her mother was, "What's wrong? Is he alright?" She asked, her face turned into worry too, "What's going on?"

"Mum, I think w-we need to leave." Cieletterre said nervously, she was going to run back upstairs when there was a knock on the door. Her mother was going to run to it but she pulled her back, "I'll get it. Can you... hide in my room, mum?" Ciel whispered, a finger on her lips, "Please. Mum, I'll explain everything I just need you to hide in my room, lock the door, close the lights and whatever happens, don't ever make a sound." She said, " _Please_." Her mum fell silent for a bit, the knock on the door just kept going, "If you hear loud sounds, I want you to jump out the window and run away as far as you can, mum, okay?" She said, her voice trembling, "Promise me." Her mother kissed her forehead before reluctantly walking toward the stairs, "Mum." Ciel called in a whisper, her mum looked at her. "I love you. I just want you to know." She whispered and her mum looked worriedly at her but replied not a minute later, "I love you too, honey." She smiled before finally walking upstairs. When she heard the quiet closing of her bedroom door, she grasped her wand tightly behind her and cautiously made it to the door.

"Dad?" She croaked when she's opened the door, revealing the tall figure of her dad, holding his suitcase as always, wearing his neat brown coat and a plain tie as well, she was going to hug him when he immediately pulled out a wand and shouted _stupefy_ before she could even react. 

And just like that, everything went black, she was falling indefinitely into nothingness for so long until her knees dropped harshly on a cold, wooded floor. Loud screams were all that she could hear now and when she opened her eyes, she saw her mum and dad screaming in agony while two wizards were laughing and standing by their struggling bodies, a wand pointed at them. "Stop it!" Cieletterre screamed at the two. She was going to run to them but two more wizards were holding her in place, "Please, they don't know — they didn't do anything. _Please_." She begged, still struggling to be free. A woman's high-pitched laugh echoed in her ear, "Oh, stupid mudbloods." She laughed, and the rest of the death eaters laughed with her. The woman with a curly dark hair walked towards her, pointing her wand at her throat. "Tell us who the Potters' secret keeper is." She demanded. "I don't know — I really don't know, please let them go." The deafening sound of her parents' screaming under the cruciatus curse seemed to be getting louder and louder. "I really don't know, I prom —" The woman screamed crucio and she started screaming in pain for what felt like forever, all the death eaters laughing again. "Liar!" The woman gasped, shoving her wand even more in Ciel's throat. "Tell us who the secret keeper is." She demanded again.

"I really don't know anything, please." She cried, looking at the woman and then at her parents' twitching bodies. "Maybe, killing them would make you say —" She abruptly brought her gaze back to the woman, a smug look on her face, "No, please, I'm — I'm telling the truth —" 

A flash of green light appeared from the tip of the two wizards' wands and the screaming finally stopped. She stared at the bodies, with a loud, deafening ringing in her ear, she started screaming and cursing at the amused death eaters surrounding her.

" _Leuna,_

 _Leuna._ "

She looked around for the calm, familiar voice but there was no one there. Just the laughing death eaters and her parents' lifeless bodies on the floor.

" _It's me, Severus. Wake up._ "

Her breathing was getting heavier and she felt like fainting, once the wizards' let go of her, she felt herself falling but before she could hit the floor, her eyes opened abruptly and she jumped up from her bed, meeting Severus's pair of onyx-hued eyes.

Whether it was because she was still half-asleep, scared, confused, or all three, she pulled Snape into a bone-crushing hug, catching him off guard. "They got them, they got them." She kept saying while Snape was still left dumbstruck. When he came to realizing it and started hearing her cries loudly against his ear, he lifted his hand and hesitantly brought it to her back, rubbing it comfortingly. "It's a dream." He said quietly, the same comforting voice was there again. "No, it happened, it did. They really got them. They're gone, Sev." She sobbed even more saying those words and her hug was getting tighter, feeling like if she ever let go, they'll find her again. "I know, I know, but you're fine now. You're safe here." He mumbled, hoping it could help calm her down at least. "I really tried to save them, Sev. T-there were eight of-of them and-and I-I was w-with my mum-and sh-she — _I'm sorry_." She buried her face on his shoulder and cried even more. The room was filled with the sound of her sobs for a few minutes, it was dark and cold in her room and the only heat she could feel was that of Snape's. Finally loosing her hold on Snape, she let her hands fall on either of his side. She was leaning on him, still half-asleep and going through what she just dreamt of, she tightly shut her eyes and clenched her fist. When she's calmed down a bit and started to fully wake up, she moved back a little but her forehead was still on Snape's shoulder. She looked down at his long black robes messily spread on the bed, he was staying completely still for her and his hand was just beside her thighs. She wanted to ask what he was doing in her room but thought it would be less awkward for the two of them if she'd just let it slip for tonight. The quiet sobs were now replaced by her heavy, hitching breathing and the loud thumping of her heart against her rib cage. She felt weak and that she might suddenly crumble into pieces like a brittle cookie if she dared move. "I'm sorry." She croaked, her throat was feeling very dry like as if she hasn't tasted any water after being under the sun for the whole day. "I'm really, really sorry."

"I should get you some water." Snape just said. She sat straight without lifting her head up too see his face, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Snape got up and grabbed the empty goblet on her bedside, muttered aguamenti and handed the now full goblet of water to her. The bed dipped once again as he sat down, his back facing her. She stared at the water for a bit before bringing the goblet to her lips and drinking. "I t-thought I-I heard you i-in t-the dream," she finally said in between her hitching breathing after drinking enough water (she was so confused as to why it wasn't emptying — turned out the goblet kept refilling itself), "s-so, I'm s-sorry iff m-my f-first ins-tinct w-was to s-squeeze y-you to death," she mumbled as she carefully placed the goblet on her bedside table. He didn't say anything back. "I'm sorry you had to see that — that state." She added before bringing her legs to her chest and hugging them. He still didn't say anything. "I f-forgot to t-take my po-tion when I g-got back ffrom Hog-meade but I'm m-much better now, my head just hurt a while ago s-so I k-kinda forgot to go to the w-wing. I'll go right now, y-you can g-go too, a-and r-rest." She quietly said, her breathing still very unstable, and again, Snape didn't say anything. She poked his shoulder gently to see if he was really there or she's just seeing things. "Snape." She called when he wouldn't respond. "Of course," Snape finally said, getting up. "But I suggest bringing your wand and be cautious. Black just tried to get in the Gryffindor common room, he could still be hiding around the school."

"Black?" She asked, more to herself, "The students? Was anyone hurt?" Snape walked towards the door, "They are all camping in the Hall. I advice worrying about yourself first." He said, "And if you can — _stop_ carelessly doing things that'll possibly put you in danger." 

"Sorry — hey, wait —" Ciel called after Snape who already walked out her room, she got off her bed and ran out to follow him, "Sev — I mean, S-snape." She called, Snape only stopped on his tracks but didn't even bother to turn around, "T-thanks. Again. So much." She said sincerely. "Most certainly... Pleasure." Snape said, turning around the slightest bit, he sounded really sarcastic, Ciel thought.

She walked back in her room to wash up a bit before walking down the Great Hall, trying to recollect how she got back from Hogsmeade, it was a risk going back drunk and she felt bad about not being careful again when everyone around her keeps reminding hernto do so. Weirdly, she kept having this feeling that someone assisted her back into the castle but she could've just been imagining it.

When she's reached the entrance, she quietly let herself in and saw the pool of students quietly talking and lying in their sleeping bags. The ceiling was full of stars and all the ghosts were also there, as if guarding the students... "Everyone doing alright?" She asked the Gryffindor Head Boy (Another Weasley) who was chatting with Ravenclaw's. He nodded rather energetically at her, "Yes, professor. Everyone's settled and safe." He answered. Ciel slowly nodded and looked around again at the pool of students. "Is someone checking in on everyone here or are you to stand guard the whole night?" She asked again, "I could personally stay guard the whole night, Professor. The Headmaster hasn't said any further instructions, he left to talk to the Dementors." Percy said pompously. Ciel nodded again, "Oh, Alright," she said, "how about the other teachers?"

"They're conducting a search." He said, "Are you alright, professor? You're a bit pale, should I get you a glass of water?" Ciel smiled at the seventh year, "I'm good, thanks, Percy. I'll just look for Madam Pomfrey." Percy nodded and told her to be careful, and with that, she walked out the Hall again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own The Beatles of course, but go stream Rubber Soul ✨ thanks for reading, by the way! :-))


	8. Another Night, Another Fight

The whole of Hogwarts was dimly lit by the candles hanging by the side of every corridors and halls and the atmosphere radiated alertness and anxiousness. With no idea what time it was or where she was even going, Cieletterre still made her way out the Great Hall, skipping up the stairs. She met a few other Professors on the way who were searching for Black around areas they were assigned to check on. They would ask her if she was alright and she would just nod and smile at them before proceeding to the next floor. Now that she has something to worry about, the dream that just bothered her sleep a while ago was off her mind, although it still felt like it was prodding its way through her brains. She immediately drew her wand out from her pocket and pointed it threateningly at the person she was facing. She laughed, a little weakly, when she realized who it was. "Pretty good reflexes." Remus said proudly, keeping his own wand back in his pocket. "I'm glad I didn't accidentally hex you, I usually do it when I'm startled." She quietly said, also lowering her wand now, but she didn't hide it in her pocket, the feeling of it poking her back always had annoyed her even when she was a student. He chuckled, walking to her side, "Where have you been the whole night?" Remus asked when they started to strode off into the halls side-by-side. The torches beside them lighting up as they pass by, its flickering fire making their shadows dance while the corridor was filled with the quiet sound of the Defence teacher's shoes' heels against the cold floor. "'Fell asleep in my room. I may have drank a little too much at Hogsmeade." She said, crinkling her nose at Remus who frowned at her, "You should try to be safer, Ciel. Something could have happened to you, Sirius just tried to break in the Gryffindor Common room." 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry — but I'm pretty safe... see —" she gestured at her whole body with a convincing smile. He chuckled, shaking his head slowly. "You know, I feel like I've seen him a while ago on my way back — but I could have just been hallucinating," she added quickly when Remus looked at her immediately with an aghast expression, "...since I was a bit drunk. It couldn't possibly be true because in that — that dream, he helped me walk back to the castle. I mean, it would probably be something old Sirius would do — but it can't be, he's different now, so I'm certain it's just a weird, drunk dream. That happens when I think about someone too much and I have... been thinking about him since... you know, it's Lily's and James's death anniversary today." She finished talking, tugging down on her sweatshirt. "So you've been thinking about Snape when you dreamt of your first meeting at a potions class?" Remus uttered quietly but with a hint of accusation, like as if what he said was a sin itself against him. "No —" Ciel replied frantically, looking around to check if someone overheard, not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea, "— that was different, because I dreamt of a real event, but the dream about Sirius, was not, it was a normal, bootless dream." She said. She wasn't even sure why he would suddenly bring the dreaming-about-Snape up, even she had forgotten about it even though it only happed a month ago. Remus didn't answer, he just tilted his head down as they walked, the sound of their footsteps and the cold wind were all they could hear. "Your eyes are a bit puffy..." He mumbled after a few minutes of silence which Ciel thought he's been debating in his head whether or not he should mention it, they were now making their way back to the Hall in slow, little steps. She didn't say anything for a few moments, hesitating on telling Remus. But he's been her friend for years and years that she's sure there's nothing to be ashamed of in front of him so she took a deep breath before giving her friend a quick glance, "I... dreamt about them," she then answered quietly, "every bit of the event, I dreamt of it again."

Lupin stopped on his tracks, a look of sympathy plastered all over his face, he gestured her to come closer and when she did, he pulled her closer for a long, comforting hug, which was something she always counted on Lupin to give her plenty of. It was like having the satisfaction of having two pieces of a puzzle that fit each other perfectly. "I can't say anything comforting enough, I know it's horrible having to relive it again and again but I want you to know... I'll hold you just like this every time," he said in a low whisper, "so you know at least, it's not happening again — I'm really sorry, Lett." Cieletterre didn't say anything for a while, her face pressed gently against his chest, feeling it rise and fall as he breathes slowly and taking in every bit of his scent, she smiled sligtly before looking up, her chin still rested against his front, "Thanks, you sweet, _sweet_ pup —" he was going to tilt his head down in protest of the 'nickname' but she placed her hand on his chin to stop him, giggling a bit, "Well, don't look down now, we'd be snogging — see my face is too close," she says jokingly with a scoff, "I'm only kidding — But really, thank you, Remus, 'means a lot to me. _Really_ , really means a lot to me." She buried her face on his chest again for a few seconds before breaking the hug, "Good to know your hug isn't too expensive anymore." 

"It still is, you know. There are just exceptions." He said with a small laugh before gesturing towards the doors, "We should get in first to report." 

++🌻++

There haven't been any events of the like after that night. _Obviously, Sirius wasn't thick enough to risk it all again after being almost caught,_ Ciel thought to herself as she strode through the yard, past the stone circle, from Hagrid's hut and back to the Castle. She has still been trying to help Hagrid with his lessons but it seems like he's in no way ready yet for dangerous stuffs again, not with the high chance of him getting sacked any day. "Oh, but Dumbledore wouldn't let that happen, Hagrid." She told a worrying Hagrid once, "Ye, bu' tha' Malfoy's father wouldn't stop 'til I'm sacked, fer sure." He replied low-spiritedly, "And I wouldn't like Dumbledo' 'elpin' me too much-e's already done enough jus' by le(tt)in' me stay 'ere."

Apart from that, maybe it's because Quidditch was rapidly approaching so everyone's busy, but she hasn't been seeing Snape lately, maybe once or twice only at the Great Hall since seeing him in her room that Hallowe'en night, but he's always just about to leave every time that she can never get the chance to utter a single word, let alone have a conversation concerning the events last Hallowe'en and the day before. She's starting to think she's just hallucinated him being there that night — maybe, she's just been too tired and hurt that she's very much convinced herself that Snape was there. 

But why would she be thinking Snape was there when she's tired and hurt like as if he'll be able to help relieve her off it? 

It's probably because she thought she heard Snape in her dream when he had no business being there, so he was the first person she thought of. _Yeah, that's probably why,_ she thought, _I'm over thinking things too much._

It's been raining mad too and the quick flashes of lightning followed by the violent sound of the thunders made her anxiety strike up every time. It's gotten really cold now that she's been waggling her eyebrows teasingly at Remus whenever she saw him wearing the coat she's given him. "Loving my gift too much, huh?" She playfully asked as the pair of them made their way to the staff room. "Well, s'not really just the gift, no," replied Remus and she was just about to retort when he added, "I love who _gave_ it to me." He said proudly, as though correcting what she's just said. A heat of swirling madness rose up in her body that despite the cold weather, she actually felt tiny sweats were building up under her robes, "O- _oh,_ well then —" she stammered, completely unprepared for any replies, she was expecting him to taunt her back with joking snide comments about the gift and not be all sweet about it, "— well, thanks." She managed to say, suddenly very interested in the cover page of the book she was holding. Remus chuckled silently as he watched her dazed reaction. 

Aside from the helping-Hagrid-teach attempts, the not-seeing-and-talking-to-Snape problem, the anxiety-striking weather, and the tanunting-Remus-as-often-as-she-could activity, another thing that she was thinking about was Harry's situation. The boy was not allowed to be out of _any_ teacher's or Headboy's/girl's sight, which is why Cieletterre was assigned to watch the Quidditch practice of the Gryffindor team tonight — also because it was their last chance to practice before the first match, so they couldn't let the night pass without training — McGonagall really wanted that Quidditch Cup because, "Snape's been getting them for a couple of years in a row," the Transfiguration Professor told her with desire and ambition glimmering in her eyes behind here square glasses, and she wanted it too for their team, saying he's had his glorious years and it was their, Gryffindor's, time now. She was even more eager now to watch them practice even if it meant being there the whole night under the rain just to win.

When she got to the castle, she went straight to her class with the fourth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, putting on her professional (but still friendly and approachable) demeanor and teaching them like how she usually does. "Alright, focus now — mr. Thompson, you're not doing it right — remember the hand movement — good job, ms. Barbett, good job," she said, standing in front of the class and eyeing everyone as they practice the charm she was teaching them for this session. It was a double class period but she was planning to let them off earlier so she could finish a few stacks of work before she goes down to the Quidditch pitch. However, she got carried away in teaching and in making sure they got it perfect that she had to extend five more minutes before letting the students go. She sighed, finally making her way to the staff room with a book cradled on her arm with her wand on it. She slightly opened the door and was greeted by most of the teachers there, without Snape, of course, _he's always locked up in his dungeons_ , she thought bitterly as she walked up to the table where she left the parchments of her students' assignments. The warm feeling that she always get when she enters the staff room was back swarming in her body again. She pulled up a sit in front of her workload of parchments and started marking them in a hurry, "Oh, if I could just mark these all without needing to read," she muttered under her breath, looking up slightly to see that about a quarter of the teachers have left without her even hearing them go from being too focused on reading, "I should've just asked them to draw or something." At the exact moment she's finished carefully going through the work of a Ravenclaw named Elizabeth Dwight, Remus walked in the staff room, pulling a seat next to her. "Pretty busy," he said, looking at her pile of work, "need help?"

Ciel who barely even noticed him come in and sat beside her from trying to understand the answer of the next student, just nodded randomly, hoping he's asked her a question answerable by a head nod or head shake. "Alright, what can I help you with?" Remus asked curtly, his suitcase placed on the desk in front of him. She finally looked up from the parchment and to her friend, a clueless look on her face, "What? Sorry — I didn't under — hear, what did you say?" Remus chuckled for a moment, "I asked if you needed help." He said nicely, gesturing to what she was doing. She looked at her desk and then back to Remus, "I'm good for now, Rem." She sheepishly said, going back to reading the assignment. Remus nodded and turned to his desk and worked on his own things too. The quiet sound of Professor Trewlawney's murmurs with Professor Sprout were all that could be heard in the room, sometimes the sound of Ciel's quill when she scribbles corrections on the parchment, and once or twice during the last hour was the sound of the door opening and closing. After about an hour more of working, she finally finished marking all the works of her students. She turned to Remus, who was so quiet the whole time she forgot he was even there, and her being busy seemed to have blocked him completely out of her peripheral view. His arms were crossed against the desk and his forehead was pressed against them, his brown hair was sticking up everywhere and he looked really tired. She smiled unconsciously, lifting a hand up to his head and combing his hair down with her fingers, he stirred, making her pull her hand back to her lap. "Rem." She whispered, putting an arm on the table and pressing the side of her face against it to face him. "Remmy." She called again, a bit louder than the first, poking his arm with her free hand. "Rem, wake up. Dinner's in 3."

He breathed heavily and his now heavily lidded eyes opened very slowly, he smiled at the sight of her. "Morning." She grinned, following Remus as he sat properly on his seat. "D'you jush finish?" He croaked, looking around the empty Staff Room. "Yes, just in time for dinner. You're pretty sleepy, let's grab dinner first then I'll walk you to your office so you could rest." She said, getting up and putting on her coat. "No, _I'll_ walk _you_ to _your_ office, not the other way around." He said, following her as she walked toward the door. "I actually still have to watch over the Gryffindor Quidditch team's practice tonight."

"But it's pouring mad outside — "

"Yeah, but the team was insisting, and I think they really should since it's the last chance they're getting for a practice before the match." 

Remus looked like he was thinking of some other ways like maybe rescheduling but when he realized there was no other possible days, he nodded reluctantly.

"Just don't get rained on." He mumbled as he opened the doors to the Great Hall, gesturing for her to come in first. The clattering sounds of the untensils rang louder when she got in, along with bits of conversations from students left and right while they enjoy their meal. The ceiling had its usual floating candles though it was showing, not a clear, navy blue and starry sky, but a stormy, grey one with thick nimbus clouds that flickered with lightning once in a while. She eyed the staff's table and although she was expecting it, she still felt disappointed to find the grim reaper-like teacher absent at the table again. She wheeled around when she felt Remus's hand on her back, "You okay?" He asked worriedly. She nodded immediately before following him to an empty seat.

The dinner was over not long after and although she said she'd be walking Remus to his office, he still ended up walking her to her office after a few minutes of debating.

"Go change into something warm then we can walk down the pitch." He said, leaning on the wall just next to her door. "I'll change, I'll change," she replied mindlessly, pushing Remus to stand straight, "I really think you should get some rest now, Remus. You look ill."

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine — REMUS, I SWEAR." She said in an even louder voice that caused him to jump a bit. "You're about to pass out, you're getting paler." She said worriedly when he was about to protest again. "We both know why that is, I'm not sick."

"I still think you should get some rest." She said dismissively, opening her office door. "And that's final. Please?" She added, leaning on the side of her door with a smile. His blue orbs stared studiously at her for a bit, like as if computing the percentage of her earneatness: _would she still have patience for me defiantly riposting again?_

Ciel eyed him back intently, trying not to listen to his loud thoughts. He really seemed to be looking even paler and even more tired-looking than she'd seen him on the train on the first of September this year — which means he is looking really weary, like someone close to dying. He looked brittle, and like how Ron said that day at the train: he looks like one hex would finish him off. How close is full moon? A week? Less —?

Remus sighed, taking her out of her trance, "Fine. I'll rest, I'll rest." He said, his arms crossed against his chest. "Keep safe, alright? And walk with the students to the pitch... and wear something warm. And keep safe again." 

"I will, I will, I will, I will, Rem." She said, laughing a bit at his overprotective persona, "Don't worry about me. What you should be telling me is to keep an eye on Potter."

"I know you'll keep a sharp eye on him, what I know you won't do, however, is take care of yourself. So _please_ , do so."

"I will, Remus. I'll see you tomorrow, I'll be alive and... well then, hopefully you'd look less pale tomorrow. Get a goodnight sleep." She said, "Bye." She raised her hand to wave at him. He nodded, now tucking his hands in his pockets before walking away.

She got into her room, changed into, as what Remus told her, warm clothes. The wind was howling outside when she got down to the school grounds, her wand annoyingly poking her behind. "Professor!" Oliver Wood, the Gryffindor Quidditch team Captain, was jogging up to her, holding a blue umbrella on his hand, "I was told you'd be watching us practice tonight, thanks for agreeing to it even though it's raining really hard, Professor." He said nicely. Ciel smiled, "Oh, it's nothing, Wood. Are the others ready to go?" She asked and the Team Captain nodded, holding his arm out to her, "I'll walk with you, Professor." He said curtly and Ciel held on to his arm, the cold breeze and wet splatters of the rain was hitting them both despite the umbrella Wood was holding. It wasn't long though 'til they've reached the pitch and Wood escorted her to the enclosed stairs that lead up to the roofless seats. Wood left her the umbrella and she went up to the seats, bewitching the umbrella to stay still on top of her while she watches the team gather, Wood talking animatedly, his hands gesturing all around the pitch while his teammates were all shivering in cold.

"How do they not catch a cold at this weather?" She wondered as she watched them position themselves around the pitch. 

She was just sitting there, cheering at them every once in a while whenever someone did something impressive — more impressive than them staying steady on their brooms despite the raging storm. Harry, whom all of them have agreed not to use the snitch for tonight, was flying around his teammates, helping them with the quaffle when it's thrown, hit, or kicked in wrong directions. A bludger flew towards a chaser and she came falling down her broom, making Ciel run down from her seat and to the ground where the team had gathered around the chaser. "The wind sent it flying the wrong direction." One of the Weasleys said. Ciel, who at the moment she let go of the umbrella, was now soaking wet, kneeling next to the unconscious form of Katie Bell. "I think that's enough practice." Ciel said, "The storm's getting worse. I think you all did a pretty good job though," she took her wand out her pocket summoned the umbrella that was still floating still on the spot she was seated on for less than two hours since the team started practicing. "Here, one of you — Fred, George, carry ms. Bell to the wing, and the other hold the umbrella over them." She ordered, handing the umbrella to one of the twins. They immediately obeyed and after a few minutes, the three walked away from the pitch.The rest watched them go, all drenched in the rain. "Aren't you all getting back yet?"Ciel asked, taking them all off their stunned expression at the sight of the twins and Bell leaving. "Professor, you're drenched." Wood said, "I'll conjure an umbrella —"

"We can dry ourselves with the flick of our wands when we get back, mr. Wood." Ciel smiled, "But are you all satisfied with your practice for tonight?"

They looked around at Wood, who was now visibly thinking hard, probably replaying the whole practice they just did. "Well, if it rains on the day of the game, Potter, I hope you see well — same to all of you —" he pointed at his other teammates, "and make sure you stay steady with your flying."

The sound of Wood's advises muffled out as Ciel got heavily drenched by the rain, looking around the pitch and squinting at the black blur not far from them. Oddly, the blur appeared to be waving. A quick light flashed and she winced at the sound of the thunder that followed it, she looked at the spot again where she saw the blur, but it was gone. She nervously turned to her students where Wood was still giving his long speech of reminders and rules. "Wood?" She called and everyone turned to her, "I'm sorry to interrupt but can we continue back in the castle? I think it'd be better if you dried sooner." She said, glancing behind them to see if the same black blur was there again.

Ciel, with the rest of the team, walked back to the castle and one by one, she dried them off, saying goodluck and praising their performance. She was about to dry Angelina Johnson, another chaser, when she caught sight of that all too familiar billowing cloak that she's been wanting to see.

" _Severus_!" She shouted at once, running to his direction, "Oh wait —" she turned back to Angelina and with one swish, she dried her off, "You've done really well too, ms. Johnson, you're perfect, goodnight!" She told her hurriedly before running toward Snape. She didn't exactly know what she wanted to do with him, she didn't even realize, until now that he's actually here, that she's been wanting to see him. She stopped in front of him, blocking his way. "Wait —" she panted, a hand over her chest. "Talk."

"You're soaking wet." He muttered, eyeing her up and down, and to her feet, a puddle was forming rapidly at where she was standing. "Never mind that now, I want talk." She says, ignoring the goosebumps that have just appeared on her arm as the cold wind blew in their direction.

He didn't reply, though he took his wand out and pointed it at her, and in a matter of seconds, her clothes were comfortably dry as a warm breeze swept past her and she felt warmer now. "Thanks, thanks." She hastily said while Snape places his wand back in his pocket. He was going to walk past her but she blocked his way again, ignoring his scowl, she spoke again. "I want to talk... _please_." She added in a mumble, trying hard to keep an eye contact.

"Surely school matters can wait 'til morning, _Professor_?" He said with that most professional tone he's always had when he talks with his students and sometimes, when serious, his co-workers.

" _S'notsoolmadersdough_." She mumbled quietly, now unable to stare any longer at his dark, empty irises that showed nothing but coldness. She looked at his shoulder instead, pretending to find something interesting there.

"Pardon?"

"Said it's not school matters —" she took in a deep breath and then looked at him, "Look, I just wanna — I haven't seen you for, I don't know, more than a week now? So I couldn't find the opportunity to ask you to talk — see, I don't even know what to talk about, but I just know I want to talk." She rambled, her hands moving unconsciously as she talked.

"Well, it will be a very poor conversation if neither of us knows our agenda, and a waste of time as well." He replied and Ciel, forcing out what little patience she had for Snape's attitude, took in another deep breath and smiled, "I kinda know the agenda —"

"'Kinda'?"

"I _know_ what I want to talk about — good enough, _sir_?"

"My, Professor Crown, if you're asking for my time so we could talk, surely, you could be nicer than that?"

"I —" She squinted at him, "Alright, Snape," she said, calm and collected, with no hint of sarcasm, "I wanna talk. Please."

"I don't." He said shortly.

"Why?"

"I don't see how it'd be benefiting both of us — unless, for your own good of having the guilt erased off of your head."

He gave a barely noticeable bow of his head before finally walking past Ciel who was still taking in what he said.

_Is he saying I'm selfish again?_

_Me? When I'm trying to make up for what I did? Or just wanting to apoloize? Selfish? Guilt?_

"Fine!" She snapped, turning around to see him now half way the hall, about ten feet away from where she stood, his back faced against him, the scene felt oddly familiar, like it's happened before. 

"I'm _trying_ to talk, Severus, and if you don't, then fine. But if you're again implying that I'm _selfish_ just because I'm trying to fix what I did then that's where you're going too far. I want to say sorry, not because of the guilt but because I am _genuinely_ sorry for it and I didn't, nor will I ever, want you to feel like how you felt —" her voice rang throughout the empty hall, she looked back to make sure the Gryffindor team had left and when she's seen the place was deserted of anyone except the two of them, she went on, "— and I know sorry's not going to fix it but I'm willing to try more than just that now — Snape, I am trying. But you —" she let out an apathetic laugh, "just because I have something to say sorry about doesn't mean your slate's _clean_. We both made mistakes, Snape. You're not even going to say sorry? Surely, with that hell of a perfect memory like yours you remember what we fought about. I won't even be surprised if this is that very same hall we last argued on." She said sharply, and whether it was actually happening or that she's just imagining it, her words were echoing in every direction, bouncing back in her head, replaying for a few seconds. He didn't reply for a while, he just stood there with his back on her, his cloak fluttering from the wind. After a few minutes that felt like an hour, he finally said in a quiet voice that she would've missed had the wind just blew harder, "Sorry for what? I wasn't the one who bullied you that day."

"BUT I SURE AS HELL DON'T WANT MY _BEST_ FRIEND, OR SO I THOUGHT, TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ALMOST KILLED ME LET ALONE SAY IT WAS JUST A PRANK — A PRANK — I ALMOST FUCKING DROWNED —" She cut herself off, clenching her fist and breathing in, " _just_ a prank. good lord." She was now breathing heavily, glaring angrily at his back. Again, they were drowned in the sound of the heavy drops of rain and the howling of the wind for a few moments before he spoke, still sounding calm and collected as the first although the hatred was seeping in every word he said, "And I never wanted you to be friends with the people who continuously tormented me."

"And so I was not!" She shot back.

"So what was the werewolf—"

"DON'T CALL HIM THAT!"

"Lycanthrope?" He said in a severely passively amused tone that she could almost see him smirking, "What was the Lycanthrope then? A pet?"

"Being in the same house and talking about school-related stuffs doesn't mean I was automatically friends with them, Severus — not even with Remus," she said, "I only became friends with them after we fell apart in sixth year. I never tolerated what they were doing to you — unlike you who even defended those shitload of friends of yours!"

He turned around and Ciel automatically drew out her wand defensively. She don't know why she did it, but she got scared of his expression, it was pure wrath, like nothing she's seen on him before. He eyed her wand and then glared at her, "Hex me then." He dared, his eyes never breaking eye contact as he walked slowly closer to her.

"Maybe I will." She said, pointing her wand directly at his chest.

He moved even closer until her wand had made contact with his chest. "So do it."

She didn't say anything but she also didn't lower her wand. Oh, how she wanted to beat that sneer off his face, but at the same time she completely understood why he's like that and just wanted to try and say sorry again. This wasn't what she expected the night to turn out into, she wasn't expecting things to get worse than it already was, she wanted to say sorry and make up with Snape — if he just tried to be more friendly then maybe things would've went differently. Or maybe she's wrong. Maybe if she tried to be a little more patient with him then they wouldn't have ended up like this: having a wand pointed on the other.

"Crown!" 

She spun around and was greeted by the shocked look of Professor McGonagall, and like that view of her with that expression wasn't enough to make her stomach turn, beside her was the Headmaster, also in his night gown filled with sparkling stars as well as his hat. "You're both grown ups! _Goodness_! You know better than to fight in the halls at night —"

"Minerva," said Dumbledore calmly, automatically quieting the Deputy Headmistress, "I think I can talk to both my staffs." He told her and Professor McGonagall, who was looking furious, looked at him and then at the pair. Ciel has never felt more ashamed, her Professor never looked at her furiously like that, she's never seen her look most disappointed, at least not when the Professor's looking at her anyway. And the Headmaster, he's never seen her behave like this — she felt even more ashamed now. Is she going to get sacked now? She's barely even 3 months in the job.

_"Calm down, Cieletterre."_

"Yes, sorry." She replied, panicked, to the Headmaster. Everyone turned to her and she thought for a second before realizing that Dumbledore only spoke in his mind. He smiled warmly and she only looked down at her feet.

She was continuously overthinking, the shameful thoughts were swarming in her system and she felt shaky and nervous, she wanted to see if Snape was feeling the same but she dared not to move or look around anymore.

Before more thoughts could cloud up her already fuzzy brain, Dumbledore has finally spoken, "If you can, please," he said with a smile, "to my office."


	9. Rain Must Fall

As the cold, stormy night progresses, more events were simultaneously happening. The two for instance, Cieletterre and Severus, were heading to the Headmaster's study along with the Headmaster himself and McGonagall trailing behind them like two disappointed parents who caught their children fighting over a cheap toy. _She's extra mad at me because I was from her house._ Ciel convinced herself while trying to look over her shoulder to see her former Transfiguration Professor, she would've expected more from someone who's an old prefect. _God, why did I have this little patience—those years with the Marauders probably slowly made me lose my patience everyday so I've only little left now._

"Please, have a seat." Said the Headmaster, gesturing at the two seats that suddenly appeared in front of his desk. She didn't even notice they've already arrived in his office. It was a vast, circular room with a lot of things to interest anyone who visits the office for the first time, and countless portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistresses were decorously pinned on the walls, all were peering curiously at them while some were so obviously pretending to be asleep. She let herself sit on one of the chairs and Snape occupied the empty seat in front of her. She swallowed before giving Snape a furtive glance; he looked perfectly calm and unbothered, he wasn't the one caught pointing his wand after all. The scary expression on his face that made her drew her wand out a while ago was now gone, it just showed smugness of someone who knows they're not the one who got caught being bad. She stopped examining him when she heard a faint whoosh and she turned her head to see that McGonagall had conjured a seat for herself, sitting close to the door where it's not as well lit as the rest of the room—making her thrice as scary. "Drinks?" The Headmaster offered and she turned her head back to him, a wide smile on his face like as if they were just having a casual gathering tonight. Before she could shake her head to decline, four half-full wine glasses appeared and floated to her, to Snape, to McGonagall, and to the Headmaster himself. She reluctantly took it despite having no intentions to drink a pinch from it, and Snape seemed to have done the same, both of them just holding their glasses down on their laps.

"I thought people sought for warmth when it's cold outside," Dumbledore said solemnly, holding his own glass and bringing it to his lips to drink a generous amount off it, Ciel stared down at her own glass, making the goldish liquid swirl around by circling her glass carefully through its stem, "maybe not for some who are unfortunately numb with cold and bitterness within their hearts." He added, sounding so melancholic, almost as if he's a grandpa telling his grandkids a sad bedtime story.

Ciel frowned at his words, she wasn't numb, she wasn't bitter, she wasn't cold, her heart wasn't at all like any of those that he said.

Was it?

Her eyes flickered towards Snape for a millisecond, he still had that calm and confident exterior, his head was even turned to the Headmaster's direction, looking like some rich man having a fake casual conversation with another rich man whom he has to have business with.

"What do you think about the night, Cieletterre?"

Ciel blinked a couple of times, panicking again, before bringing herself to look up at her Headmaster, "What — oh — uhmm," she stammered before peeking outside the Headmaster's window, It was still raging out there, violent winds and thunders and lightning; there was nothing lovely about the night, "Well, it's raining really hard, the thunder is so loud, the lightning is bright and I think it's frightening, and the storm's roaring — it's storming — er — raging?" She rambled nervously, looking back down at her glass, tilting her head as she talked. "It was... raging," he mused as he looked outside, "the weather wasn't the only one _raging_ tonight, was it?" She closed her eyes in embarrassment, trying not to let out a grunt, she guiltily looked up at Dumbledore, sighing. "Professor, I'm _really_ , really sorry. I shouldn't've — I should've been more patient with him, I'm really sorry." She said nervously, placing her glass down on his desk, _E_ _ven though he's always been a dick and I should've just gotten used to it by now._

Dumbledore chuckled a very old-person's-chuckle, shaking his head disapprovingly, "I don't think it very nice to refer to someone as, what you just thought of."

Cieletterre blushed, giving Snape a quick look who seemed genuinely curious at what the Headmaster had meant. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean _it...(a little maybe)."_ She mumbled again, tapping at the foot of her glass that was sitting on the table. Dumbledore merely smiled, putting his glass down as well. "Cold night, cold night." He said, still with a smile. He gave a satisfied, deep sigh before holding his hands together, "I will not be asking you to say your apologies tonight for it takes time to forgive," he paused, scanning the two of them intently, "although I strongly believe 17 long years would've mended things by now, but perhaps I was mistaken." He smiled again, getting up from his seat. "Disagreements and arguments are healthy in every relationship, but 17 years of it is too much, don't you agree?" He let out a small, wheezy laugh that reminded Ciel greatly of her grandfather, "But I cannot dictate when is too much for people who feels that they were wronged so I will understand why you acted the way you acted. For tonight, a goodnight should calm the storm the two of you made." He smiled at Ciel, that little twinkle in his eyes were all that there is to see inside his piercing blue eyes that always looked like they were seeing through her. "Goodnight." He said, his voice comforting and quiet, like a father's who is tucking in his child for the night after he's just finished reading the most brilliant bed time story there is. Ciel was contemplating whether or not she should say it back, she wanted to but she couldn't bring herself to talk. She was just staring again at her undrunk glass of wine that was probably from Madam Rosmerta's. Snape got up, finally taking her out of her cogitation, he bowed curtly at the Headmaster and at McGonagall before making it to the door and leaving, the faintest sound of his footsteps walking down the stairs were heard inside the office. "Severus can be _very_ difficult,"

"You tell me." Ciel muttered quietly, fidgeting with her sleeve. Dumbledore smiled. 

"But he gives in eventually," he said, "didn't he always agree to sneaking out with you past bed time in the end?"

Ciel gasped, covering her mouth and immediately turning to McGonagall who was still seated there and listening. "She knows, don't worry," Dumbledore said before she could make up a reason to tell her former House Head, "what I want you to understand is that, Severus just needs a bit of convincing and some time to contemplate, give him that for now."

_But... 17 years...?_

Ciel sighed heavily after a minute of silence as she got up from her seat, bowing her head slightly at Dumbledore in respect, "I'm sorry. Goodnight." She told him, before raising her head again and walking toward the exit, stopping first in front of McGonagall, "Goodnight, Professor, and I'm sorry if i disappointed you." She told her before walking past her to the door and down the stone steps, not giving her an opportunity to reply.

++🌻++

The next day, she woke up with a bloodshot, puffy, red eyes due to crying. The thought of miserably failing an attempt for a calm conversation was enough to drown her to sleep. Maybe it was because she had the whole terrible event to think about last night that she didn't even dream any dream despite forgetting to drink her potion again. If getting emotionally wrecked like this is all it takes not to have the vivid dreams of the past, then she'd much rather have the dreams. 

She took longer to prepare herself today for her classes but her eyes were still as puffy after she's showered for about an hour. "For fuck's sake. Is there a spell for this?" She muttered angrily while she puts on her usual teaching dress robe, a long, navy blue gown that reached her ankles, tight long sleeves with a corset. After waiting for her eyes to de-puff even the slightest bit, she finally walked out of her office and by the time she's made it to the Great Hall, everyone was starting breakfast already. She walked toward the staff table, pretending to fix her sleeves by buttoning and unbuttoning it repeatedly just so she didn't have to look up at their faces. She sat at the only space available which Remus reserved for her, him on her right and Madam Pince on her left. "Morning." She said cheerfully without meeting his eyes. "Morning," he replied, "I knocked on your office door a while ago, I think you were still deep in your sleep." Ciel smiled, filling her plate so she'd have reason not to look at him. She didn't feel like being questioned for her state, he'd be worrying sick again. "Yeah, training ended a bit late. I think our Quidditch Team was really good though," she said, changing the topic as she cut through her steak, "I could tell Potter's got James's fast reflexes." She saw Remus nod in agreement through her peripheral vision and they started talking about James being a natural in the sport.

Breakfast ended not long after it had started, it was dreadful. She had to look closely down on her plate and Remus was just eyeing her weirdly, asking if she was alright, which she answered repeatedly with: "Yes, I just think there's hair on my food." And it was a believable reason because her hair wasn't tied in a clean ponytail today. She wanted as much cover as she could for her tear-ghosted eyes. "I'll see you at lunch!" She told Remus while, again, pretending to fix her sleeve before fast-walking up the stairs and to her classroom.

"That's complicated!" Interjected George (or Fred) Weasley while Ciel teaches them a new spell, ten minutes into their class period. "You haven't tried it yet, mr. Weasley." She said, "I told you to look first, alright?" She waved her wand slowly so they could follow. "If you find this hard I'm afraid you should be worrying about your O.W.L.s for my subject because this is actually one of the basics for your year level," she told them, now putting her wand down on her desk, "now I want all of you to try it — careful mr. Weasley, you'll be poking ms. Johnson's eye out." She said and a few students broke into a fit of laughter. 

She gave the students half an hour to try and grasp the spell by practicing it repeatedly, while she overlooks them all from behind her desk just in case something goes wrong.

"Professor, Fred's got a bunch of dung bombs again." Said one student and Ciel glared at either of the two twins since she weren't sure who was who. "Try to set that up here and you'd be spending the rest of the week's after dinners in detention." She said with a stern voice, and the one on the right, assuming it was Fred, spoke, "I won't, Professor. Don't worry." He said charmingly, holding his wand out elegantly and waving it to a very bad attempt of practicing what she's just taught. "That will be reserved for Snape's class again." She heard him tell his twin under his breath. "I'm not helping you out of his detention if you get caught again, mr. Weasley." She said and the twins looked at her, both visibly surprised that she's overheard her from that far. 

"D'you fight him, Professor? He seemed extra nasty this morning, Angelina said —" He stopped talking when Angelina nudged his ribs harder than she was intending to, he grunted painfully as he grasped on to his side. "Don't be thick, you idiot." She whispered with an evident annoyance.

"We're having Charms lessons so I am _strictly_ disallowing any topics unrelated to our subject." She said loudly, ignoring the summersault her stomach just did. So they _did_ hear some of their conversations last night. She wondered nervously how much the students may have overheard, trying purposely to prod in the Gryffindor Team's chaser's mind, but she was already thinking about what Ciel had just said, repeating it in her head. Ciel picked up her wand, pushing aside her worry, and charming the dust chalk to write on the board while she speaks, "There'll be a practical activity next week and I'd be asking you one by one to come in front and perform any spell that I tell you to. Practice all that I've taught you the past two months —" some students were murmuring indiscernible words that sounded like complaints but she went on, "and homework—" the protesting grunts became louder, some were blaming the twins for it saying they'd make her mad, "— will be to practice the two spells I've taught this day and our previous meeting which was Tuesday, hopefully everyone'll get it perfect by our next meeting which is also next week." She then dismissed her students and they all walked out with weaker thank you's than they usually gave her when she didn't give out homeworks or activities.

"Professor —" she wheeled around to see a student jogging up to her desk and holding a neatly folded parchment up to her, "Professor McGonagall asked me to give it to you." She smiled and Ciel took it, "Thank you." She told her before she sat down behind her desk to read.

_Ms. Crown,_

_17:00 at the staff room, we'll be having a quick staff meeting._

"Well, at least I have something to look forward to for today — thought I'd be bawling in my office the whole night after all my classes." She sighed, folding the parchment and waiting for her next students to arrive.

++🌻++

The rest of the day went well and by the time her very last subject had ended, she was in a complete good mood now. She felt bad for getting a little impatient with her 5th year Ravenclaws and Gryffindors this morning but she told herself she'd just make it up to them on their next meeting.

She opened the door to the staff room and when all heads turned to her, her eyes widened, hurrying over to a seat next to Remus. "I thought it says 17:00." She whispered to him, avoiding McGonagall's eyes. Yes, and it's 17:15." He replied, chuckling at her. "It's alright, Snape's late too. He's not here yet." He said, furtively pointing at a seat in front of him. She crinkled her nose and pressed her lips tightly, she's completely forgot about Snape's existence for being too focused on her students. Her heart sank again in disappointment with last night's events. If things had just gone right.

"Have you seen Snape, dear?" McGonagall asked and Ciel's initial reaction was to look utterly surprised at her, freezing for a complete second. "N — no." She answered, clearing her throat. McGonagall should've already known the answer, she knows they weren't getting any closer to getting along, not after last night, at least.

After about five minutes, Snape had finally arrived and the different conversations that the other staffs were busying themselves with while they were waiting immediately died down when he had sat beside McGonagall. "What has held you so long?" She asked him, a tad bit irritated. Ciel would've been too if she's waited more than twenty minutes, but since she was also late, she only waited for a little over five minutes.

"The Weasleys set up another set of dungbombs in my class." He said quietly and Ciel snorted which she immediately covered with a terrible cough. "Sorry," she muttered when all of them looked at her worriedly, "just caught something in my throat."

"Do you need water?" Asked Remus with concern.

"No, no, I'm fine, thank you. I think we should start, Professor." She told McGonagall.

The meeting started then, all of them were listening intently to whoever was speaking. Professor Sprout would once in a while whisper with Professor Trelawney (who had replaced Professor Flitwick from being the Ravenclaw Head House), Madam Hooch would be raising her opinions too here and there, and to be honest, Ciel was too busy looking at everyone and observing them, their hand movements while they talk, their tone, and their voices that she forgot to comprehend what they were actually saying. She looked around to Remus who smiled at her before returning his gaze to McGonagall who was answering Madam Hooch's question. She was the only one lost in the topic. Last thing she remembered, they were talking about adjusting the First Quidditch match because of the weather that just seemed to be getting worse the closer they were getting to the day of the match and then things just blurred out in the middle of the conversation.

"How about you, Professor Crown?"

Again, her eyes widened and she froze on her seat for a second, her anxiety suddenly kicking in from the amount of eyes that were on her. _What — what about me? Who talked last? What was the last suggestion? What's happening?_

"I — er—" she looked around at everyone's anticipating faces, "— agree with Madam Hooch." She said, wild guessing that she was the last who spoke and suggested things since she was all Ciel could remember. "I haven't said anything, dear." Madam Hooch said and Ciel mentally face-palmed herself, "Oh, right. Who last talked then?"

"Professor Snape."

She turned to Snape who was wearing that smug look on his face whenever she was caught doing something wrong. "Oh, sorry, I thought I heard a girl's voice." She uttered with a quiet snort, automatically erasing that irritating look on him. "Well, anyway, I guess he could be finally right with this one so I'm placing my hopes on his opinion." She smiled vaguely, trying to sound as professional as everyone had been in the room.

"' _Finally right_ '?" He echoed in a very quiet scoff. "You haven't even been listening. _Again_. You and your attention span of a fruit fly."

"Severus!" McGonagall scolded like a mother to her child, lightly hitting him on the arm. "That is enough," she said sternly, "right. It's settled then, we're not moving the match date." McGonagall said, getting up from her seat and straightening her robes, "That's all the agenda we have for today, you can all go now."

Everyone scrambled out of the room, leaving Ciel and Remus behind. She transferred to a comfortable cushion chair near the fireplace, sinking down on her seat and sighing heavily as Remus sat on the cushion opposite hers.

"Tired?" He asked, opening a book she didn't even notice he was holding. "Yeah, pretty much..." She quietly replied. Remus didn't answer, she raised her head slightly to see him buried in his book, the crackling fire tinting his face orange. 

"Rem?" 

He hummed as a response, taking his eyes off his book to look at her.

"I was always rude to you before 6th year, wasn't I?" She asked. He stirred on his seat, putting his book down on his side and leaning forward. "Yes," he answered, "but I completely understand why. You were friends with him after all." He looked towards the door as if indicating that Snape was there, “And I would’ve hated me too if I was you and my best friend was getting bullied all the time.”

"Funny though, we became friends still." 

"Well, I wasn't giving up on you — I meant, as a friend," he added immediately, very slightly raising his hands up defensively, "and we were both prefects then so I always wanted to try and be friends because out of all the pairs of prefects for each houses, we were the only ones who weren't — er — close."

“It's a laugh how we both weren't a Head boy and girl!" She laughed, sitting up from her seat and looking at Remus who also let out a short laugh. "But I was glad to not have been, I don't even know why I was a prefect in the first place. I think Lily's always destined to have been it."

She leaned back on her seat again, threw her head back and stared at the ceiling. "Lily was perfect, wasn't she?" She whispered, it was more of a question to herself than to Lupin. 

"In her own ways, I suppose she was, yes."

"Oh, she definitely was in every way. I often wondered why she wasn't on Ravenclaw. But that night at Godric's Hollow proved why she's a Gryffindor."

The shuffling sound indicated that Remus was stirring on his seat again, he sighed heavily but did not reply. It was a few minutes of brooding silence before he spoke again, "What made you ask if you were rude to me before 6th year?"

Ciel thought about Snape. She was telling the truth when she said she was never friends with any of them before 6th year. She hated what they were doing to him. If he could just hear them talking now. Her anger felt like seeping through every vein in her body again, why is he so hard to talk to? Why is it so hard to make him understand why she's mad? What's he being difficult for? If he just admitted he was wrong. Did he respond like that last night as a payback for him always being the one to ' _apologize'_?

She didn't answer Remus's question, unsure of what to tell him. The conversation from last night felt like it's ought to be just between the two of them — Snape and hers — even though she wants to hear Lupin's advice that she's never going to follow anyway.

She sat up properly again, stretched for a bit before slouching, "I just suddenly thought of it." She finally said with a shrug, "Want to go get early dinner?"

++🌻++

The next few days became a rollercoaster ride — except that the belts were stuck and some screws were loose — it was really bad. Ciel had accepted that some things are just bound to be unmendable, especially if there's a "shitbottle filled with a hell of a pride that's heavier than the whole universe" involved, but at the same time, the thought of it was haunting, depressing at night. At some point, she did wish once that 17 years would’ve been enough to mend what was torn.

Remus hasn't been feeling well too the past few days and today, he was completely worse. He wasn't able to go out of his office, he was paler than ever, all curled up in his room and Snape's been taking care of his classes — which she thought was a bad idea because then that man would just be increasingly mad at Remus for having to do his responsibilities.

She's just gone to visit him in his office before the sun completely sets and he was in a real state of panic, begging her to leave the room because he was 'dangerous'.

"You've taken your potion, haven't you? We'll be fine. I'm fixing you up so shut up." She told him, wiping the sweat on his forehead. "But I may have missed it once and forgot, so I really think you should leave, Ciel. I'm not safe." He breathed, curling up on his bed. "Well, then we'll be both lycanthropes if you bit me, then we can still hang out on full moons —"

"That's not funny." He said seriously, gently pushing her hand away from his face. "Sorry, terrible joke," she muttered, taking his hand and squeezing it, "I'll come back tomorrow then at sunrise. The match is also tomorrow, hope you'll feel fine so we could both see it." She smiled. He smiled back weakly and squeezed her hand too, "I'll see you then. Sorry."

Ciel was now in her office, trying to finish marking her student's essay when a knock on the door took her out of her focus. "Come in." she said, setting aside the parchment and putting the ink bottle over it. 

"Good evening, Professor."

It was James's son, still in his complete uniform, his hair as messy as James's had been, he was a complete carbon copy. Except his eyes, his eyes were unmistakably Lily's.

She smiled warmly at the boy, "Good evening, mr. Potter, how can I help you?" She gestured to the seat in front of her desk and asked him to sit down. He obliged, his eyes scanning her office while his hands were clasped together on his laps. "Professor," he began after the quick scanning, "Professor Lupin missed his class today," he paused as the clear hesitation to talk became visible on his face, "and well — er — last time, when everybody went to Hogsmeade, I went to Professor Lupin's office and then... I — Professor, I just think you should know it but please don't tell anyone —"

"Alright, alright, calm down. Just tell me whatever it is that's bothering you." Ciel said softly, trying to calm him from stammering.

"See, Professor Lupin was talking to me about the boggart lesson and then Snape came in —"

"He's still your Professor, Harry."

"Sorry — Professor Snape came in and he gave Professor Lupin a gobletful of something, it was smoking —"

Ciel puffed her cheeks, trying hardest not to smile as she could now see where the conversation was going.

"— and Professor Lupin seemed happy about it, he said Professor Snape _kindly_ concocted his potion for him but I... Professor Snape has been after the Defence Against the Dark Arts post for so long... and most people think he'll do everything to get the job — and today, Professor Lupin wasn't in class — and well, maybe Professor Snape..." He trailed off, evidently finding it hard to word his thoughts and suspicions. Ciel smiled, "Professor Lupin's doing very well — well, not that well — er — he's a bit off-colour," he stared at Ciel interestingly, like as if waiting for her to confirm his suspicions, "but Professor Snape has got nothing to do with it, Harry. He's actually been helping Professor Lupin. Oh, but don't worry, I won't tell Professor Snape you thought that way. I know you were just worried, and Professor Lupin would've greatly appreciated your concern for him, but he'll be fine, dear. Don't worry," she got up from her seat, walking towards the small side table on her left where cups and drinks were, she made some tea and handed one cup to Harry who looked slightly relieved now, "Harry, can I ask you a question?" She said, which was already a question funnily enough, and Harry nodded. "Alright, you'll be answering me honestly, okay?" She said as she sat down behind her desk, Harry's expression turned anxious.

"The other night," she started, "when I watched over your training sessions, I called Professor Snape..." Harry looked away, "How far into the conversation did the rest of the team overhear?" 

He stared down at his hands. There was a few dreadful minutes of silence before he finally answered, "Only after Professor Snape kinda said he didn't want to talk. I promise, I tried to pull my team away from the scene, Professor. It just took a little longer but they all budged then when the atmosphere got too serious."

 _'_ _I_ _promise.'_

Ciel looked at him for a bit, prodding into his mind as he went through the whole event last night until after they left. She mentally sighed in relief. They didn't hear that much. "I'm going to trust your answer," she said with a kind smile, "thank you for respecting our privacy." She said, but feeling slightly guilty that she didn't really trust Harry and she had to use legilimency on him.

He nodded slowly. "How was your DADA with Professor Snape today? You can tell me honestly." She asked after another silence engulfed them. His face slightly contorted with prominent annoyance as he puts his tea cup down. "Professor, I don't think I've ever seen Professor Snape hate a DADA teacher before as much as he hates Professor Lupin. He kept downgrading his method of teaching. And a while ago, he taught us about werewolves —" Ciel choked on her tea, coughing uncontrollably while Harry asks her if she was alright and handing her a napkin, she took it, wiped her mouth and looked at Harry half surprised and half seeping with anger, "Werewolves?" She echoed.

Harry nodded, "We were only supposed to start on hinkypuffs — I mean Hinkypunks, but he kept insisting on teaching us about werewolves, claiming that we were so left behind. And he called Hermione a know-it-all —" her eyes widened in aggravation and just when she thought she couldn't get any more mad, Harry added, "And gave Ron detention for standing up to Hermione."

By the time he finished explaining further on the issue, Ciel was already ready to burst into Snape's office, disturb his peace, and tell him off again even though it hasn't even been a week yet since their last argument. This was clearly wrong. And he's trying to expose Remus.

"Professor, are you alright?" Her fuming thought disapparated from her head as he heard Harry's concerned voice. "Yes, of course." She said stiffly. He looked perplexed, "Professor, you broke your quill."

She looked down at her hand, gave a lifeless laugh and dumped her quill in her drawer. "Sorry, I got a bit mad. I'll try to talk to him, I'm really sorry he's like that."

"Please don't, Professor. We're alright, Hermione's alright now too and Ron's done with his detention. I just think it'll get us more in trouble if he finds out we were telling on him."

Ciel sighed. "You should get some rest, Harry, match is early tomorrow." She said, wiping her desk clean, Harry got up and immediately downed the rest of his tea before nodding, "Thanks, Professor."

"You're welcome. Good luck tomorrow." 

Harry worded his gratitude once more before deserting her office. After a few minutes later of contemplating, she stomped down to the dungeons. She realized pushing the issue beside will just make him think more that it was okay to be like that.

She passed by the gruesome paintings on the cold walls of the dungeons before she got to her office, knocking loudly and he answered immediately. She opened his door, shutting it behind her aggressively and standing in front of his desk, fuming.

"Oh, what an unpleasant surprise," he said in the most bored tone without looking up from what he was doing, "What can I help you with, Profes —"

"Can you please not make the lives of _everyone_ here a living hell?" She asked, fully exasperated. He looked up, "And may I ask where this —" he looked her up and down, "— sudden urge to burst in is coming from?" 

"Doesn't matter. And that's not just the issue, Snape. Remus — Dumbledore's trusted you with Lupin's secret, trying to hint his condition to his students —"

"Hint?" He interjected, putting his quill down, "I was merely lecturing them about the topic, it's in their books after all, part of the curriculum."

"Yeah, but they were only supposed to start on Hinkypunks."

He sneered, "Ah, another Gryffindor of yours complained?"

"Yes and I'm glad someone had the courage to because this is just unacceptable, and you're risking Remus his job!"

"Even without my help I doubt he's ever going to last long here."

"So stop making his short stay here a living hell." She said angrily as he went back to what he was doing a while ago. "What do you want to hear me say to that? 'Yes, I'd take that into consideration.' That enough? Now if you don't mind, I have work to finish." He gestured towards his door.

She didn't budge.

"Snape, if you're frustrated, you're frustrated. I just want to say — don't fucking pour it out on your students — or anyone else — because they don't deserve it." She said angrily before stomping out of his office and slamming his door shut behind her that it echoed throughout the whole of the dungeons and the bleeding people in the paintings flinched, winced, and shielded themselves like as if some outside force was going to attack them in their frames.


	10. The Recurring Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: angst and death

The next morning, Ciel ran down from her office to Remus's, as she's told him yesterday that she was coming in to visit on sunrise where he's likely back to his human form. Well, there wasn't a sunrise, but there was no moon either, which she made sure of first.

She knocked once on his door and he replied with a very quiet, tired voice that made Ciel feel really bad for him. Remus has always said it was painful to transform when they were students, and as far as she knows, the potion was not easing that pain he's feeling every full moon. It only ever lets him keep his mental faculties while in his lycanthrope form.

She opened the door slightly and poked her head in, beaming at him who was lying on his comfortable-looking four-posters with drapes of curtains tied to the posts, "Morning." 

"Oh, I'm naked." Remus said weakly with a small laugh as he pulled his blanket up to his neck. Ciel chuckled, letting herself in anyway and carrying a tray of a plate of toasts and a cup of tea, "Nothing I haven't seen yet." She winked, shutting the door behind her with her foot, "Brought you food, Remmy."

He sat up from his bed and leaned comfortably on the headboard as she placed the tray down on his bedside table. He was still looking very pale and ill, but much better now than before when they were students, he didn’t bear any new, freshly tattooed scratches on his skin — none on his skin where she could see anyway. He was wrapped in his blanket, attempting to cover as much skin as possible. “You know, if you didn’t want me to see —” she eyed him from his face to his feet that was beside where she had sat herself on his bed, narrowing her eyes at Remus when he placed a pillow over his crotch, “— _that_. You should’ve thrown something on before saying ‘come in’.”

“M'knackered.” He mumbled, his ears tinged red while the rest of his face was pale, colourless.

“Should I help you get dressed?”

He shot his head up to her, this time, the colour from his ears had spread throughout his face and down his neck, “What?”

She laughed, “Kidding. But if you want to, I’d help.”

“No — no, I’m fine.” He said bashfully, turning to his bedside table. “For me?” He asked quietly, the tomato-like colour on his face slowly retreating into a pale shade again. “Yeah, I said so when I came in.” Ciel smiled, watching him take his cup of tea. "How are you feeling?" She asked worriedly after he’s taken a sip. He shrugged, "Better now you're here."

She rolled her eyes, laughing, "Since when'd you learn to be that cheesy?"

"Just recently, I think. Heard loads of 'em from students in the Hospital Wing." He said, laughing, and picking up a toast. "You should eat too." He offered. "I brought them for you, I'm not yet hungry." Ciel replied, looking outside from his windows. The sky was the same from when she’d woken up earlier this morning, it was impossible to distinguish what time it was if you didn’t check your watch. Both the moon nor the sun didn’t stand a chance to be seen in this type of weather which they’ve been having over the past few days. The sky was blanketed with heavy, grey clouds that were flashing bright lightnings every few minutes, followed by violent roars of thunders, and it was pouring more rain far worse than yesterday. It seemed impossible to play out at this weather. But since the meeting had decided for this match to go on, the game isn't going to get cancelled. 

She turned back to Remus who was enjoying his cup of tea though he looked really exhausted. She smiled at him when he looked up, "What?" He asked anxiously, putting his cup back down the table. "Nothing. I'm glad you're enjoying your tea."

"Yeah, it's really warm. Thanks." He pulled his blanket up and threw the ends over his shoulders when it started slipping down. Ciel rolled her eyes again, "I'm not going to look at your body, Remus, stop pulling the blanket up if it's just stressing you out." She said with a laugh, tugging it jokingly with very little force. "Besides, it's not like I haven't seen that yet — you literally used to bathe in the prefects’ bathroom with only your shorts on."

He pulled it up anyway and continued hiding his body with his blanket. Her eyes fell to his arms which were full of scars — much more than the scars she’d seen on those same arms the last he’s seen him bathe in front of her topless, which was in their 7th year — years ago. She could only assume his chest was bearing more since he's covering them with all that he could. "My body's not the same as it was years ago though." He said quietly, taking another toast, "By the way, are you still going to watch the match? It's _raging_ out there." He said, obviously keen on changing the topic.

 _It's raging_. She thought, the words bringing back memories from that night Dumbledore peptalked them. Ciel looked back outside the window and nodded. Even without seeing Remus's face, she could perfectly picture that worried look on him again, and she weren't disappointed when she looked back at him. "It's raging." He repeated quietly but stern.

Ciel giggled, "Yeah, regular rain though. It's not like I'm gonna die if the rain touches me — don't worry, I'll wear something warm." She added abruptly when he was about to talk. He didn’t say anything back.

"Although I'm sure I'll only get soaked anyway. But I really think one of us should at least see Harry play, so you know, either of us know firsthand if ever something goes wrong — which I hope none."

++🌻++

“REMUS!” She shouted, bursting into his room frantically.

“What? You scared me!” He was scrambling with his blanket to cover his body again while his other hand was clutching his wand firmly, ready to jinx whatever he thought was there. “And you’re soaking wet —" He said, drying her off with his wand.

“HARRY — OH GOD — HE ALMOST DIED.”

His startled expression turned into that of worry, sitting up immediately, “What happened?”

Ciel quickly told him everything, the weather, the game, the other team. “And then he was going for the snitch and then the dementors — those damned dementors — they were swarming all over him, then he passed out and fell off his broom — about 30, 40 feet high? I don’t know.” She said.

His face was drawn with horror by the time she’s finished with the details of the whole match until the incident. “Where is he? Is he alright?”

“He’s in the hospital wing and he’s breathing fine, thank god. Dumbledore’s slowed down his fall. Oh, god, you should have seen Dumbledore’s face. He was really mad. Like, mad, mad with the dementors — I haven’t seen him like that.”

“They weren’t supposed to be near or on the school grounds.” He muttered and Ciel nodded, “Yeah, and we lost the match.” She said unnecessarily, as though Remus hadn’t worked that fact out by himself by now. Wording it out felt deeply disappointing but at the same time — and she’s sure, everyone’s feeling the same —bshe was relieved that Harry was fine — passed out, but physically alive nonetheless.

“That’s alright. They could still get that cup — if not, there’s always next year.”

Ciel, now just realizing that she’s completely dry, let herself plop down Remus's bed by his foot. “That was a scary event.” She murmured, looking up at the ceiling. “Have you just been lying down the whole morning?” She asked, turning her head to Remus who was looking down at her. “Yeah, well —”

“I’m jealous,” she laughed, pulling herself up to sit again, “Have you eaten — well, of course, you haven’t. I’ll bring you —”

“I’m fine, the house elves can do that for now — I think you should get some rest.”

“Yeah, I think so too, my head’s a bit heavy.” She murmured, lying down on the bed again close to the footboard. “You’re going to rest here?” He asked, bending forward to poke her back that was facing on him. “Yeah, just a bit. You can wake me up when you’re finally sick of me.” She laughed, “I’m too lazy to walk all the way up to my office — that’s 7th floor, mind you.” She added quietly, heaving a deep sigh, “I woke up very early this morning because I said I’ll meet you at sunrise — the sunrise never came though, but I did.”

“Why are you talking about it like as if I’m not appreciating it? I do, Ciel. And yes, you can rest here for all you want.” He chuckled, “If you’re going to sleep here a bit, don’t do it there next to my foot. Move up here.” Ciel heard him patting the space next to him. She squinted her eyes at him for a few seconds before crawling to his side and facing her back at him again. “You have gotten a fever now, haven’t you?” He asked, sounding intensely like as if he’s trying to prove his accusations to be right, “I told you not to get rained on — and if ever you did, dry yourself immediately before running everywhere else.” 

“I haven’t got a fever. Just sleepy.” She murmured again. “You haven’t taken your potion if you’ll be napping.”

“Oh, you worry too much,” Ciel replied, waving a hand over her shoulders, “I’m too tired for dreams — it’s like that sometimes, when I have something more to worry about or when I’m emotionally exhausted, I don’t get dreams — s’like occlumency.” She whispered, letting out a weak laugh, “I actually haven’t been taking my potion the past few days.”

“What, why?”

“It’s a secret. But I haven’t been getting dreams anyway.” 

_I may or may not have been sacrificing my sleep for some dreams._ She answered truthfully in her head. She lied down on her back and stared up the ceiling again, “I’m exhausted.”

“Get some sleep then.”

She looked at Remus for a few seconds before lying on her side again and facing her back on him, “Yeah, wake me up before dinner, please?”

“F’course.”

The quiet sound of the rain against the walls was muffling as Ciel drifted into sleep. The next thing she knew, she was back inside the same, mint green-coloured walls that she’s been visiting the past few nights that she’s been neglecting the potion. 

Again, the same woman, her mother, asked with the softest, loveliest voice she’s ever heard, “Why aren't you working these days?"

And she replied with the same reply, "Leave it there, mum, I'll fold them." 

As the whole event progresses, the clothes were never folded, the question was never answered properly, she was now downstairs in the sitting room, hearing two familiar voices screaming in agony as two death eaters laughed at their pain. 

Her own screams were not enough to block out the sounds. Her pleas were not being listened to as more and more laughter erupted into her ears.

“ _Leuna_.”

That same voice she’s been hearing echoed again. But before she could look around to look for the owner of the voice, she was back in the now dark room of Remus. She sat up, panting, and covered in sweat.

“I’ve been trying to wake you up.”

The worried voice of her friend sounded in her ear. She stared at him for a bit. “Did you call me?”

Remus, though looking confused, nodded slowly, “I did. You were screaming and — and I couldn’t wake you up. What did you dream about, are you okay?”

“What did you call me?”

“What?”

“What did you call me?”

“’Cieletterre’? Why, what’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer. She took the handkerchief Remus was holding out to her and wiped her sweat off. “What did you dream about? You should have taken your potion. Are you okay?”

Ciel inhaled deeply, leaning back on the headboard. “I’m fine. Just — just confused.” She muttered, closing her eyes again. “Ciel... you dreamt about it again, didn’t you? Your… parents, that night?”

“No,” she replied, keeping her eyes closed. She was not entirely lying, it was not just that night that she's been dreaming about. There's this part at the end that was never there before. “It wasn’t a dream about the past. Something — something different, random nightmare.” She said, adding in a non-committed voice, "I'll tell you when I figure it out."

Remus didn’t answer.

“Don’t worry about me.” She muttered when she looked at his unconvinced face, “Thanks for letting me rest here. I’ll go back to my room. Eat dinner, Rem.” She said and, without really thinking, she kissed him on the cheek before getting up. She grinned at his stunned figure before walking out his room and out the DADA classroom.

She lazily walked up to the seventh floor where her office was, thinking about the dream. That Hallowe'en night before Snape woke her up, she dreamed about that night her parents died. She thought it was the usual dreams where she's haunted by her own past but it wasn't. There was that new voice that kept echoing in the end and it keeps cutting off there, at that voice and she's been trying to figure out who it was the past few days that she's been neglecting the potion.

" _Leuna_."

 _Only_ him _used to call me that. Apart from my mum and dad._

The dreams are different now. She wasn’t dreaming about the past anymore. They were twisting into normal dreams. She’s been thinking about that argument with Snape, it was only natural that she’d hear him. Like that dream with Sirius helping her back into the castle.

She was on the final step to the seventh floor when her path was blocked by that all-too-familiar black robes. She looked up at him. He was the last person she wanted to see after just dreaming about him calling.

She stepped to her left to let him pass but Snape also stepped to his right. And again they stepped to let the other pass, again, and again, but they kept finding their path blocked by the same person.

“If you want to play, not now, I’m tired.” She quietly said, leaning on the railing. “Of course you’re tired, Poppy told me you haven’t been getting your potions for six days now.” 

She wearily looked up at him.

“Snape, I’m really tired, let’s not talk right now.” She told him with a weak smile. She was going to walk past him but he blocked the way again. She sighed, “Snape —”

“What’s wrong?”

“What?”

He spoke in a very quiet voice that she barely heard from the sound of the students’ pair of feet walking up and down the stone stairs.

"Don't make me repeat it — it was hard enough asking once." He muttered and Ciel rolled her eyes, "Then speak a little louder next time, poopbrain." 

Snape examined her for a bit before answering, “I asked what’s wrong.”

She squinted her eyes at him for a second before answering, “Just tired. Very long day, right? Harry and stuffs like that.”

“I haven’t seen you since the match.”

She blinked for a couple of times. Did she hear that right? Was he looking for her?

“Yeah, I was hiding from you.” She replied jokingly, laughing dryly, she looked up again to see his expression, he was in no way amused. But then again, when was he ever? “Anyway,” she said loudly, “I need to go. I’m really craving for my own bed.” She said, slipping on his right side and patting his shoulder, “I’ll see you.”

For the rest of the weekend, the dream was still the same. It ended with the bodiless voice calling her once, “ _Leuna_.” It was becoming more and more stressing, she’s been trying to turn her head in the dream, just a bit, maybe then she’d see, confirm who it was, but she kept waking up at the same part.

“Haven’t you been getting enough sleep?” Remus asked her by Monday night. They were back in the staff room again sitting on separate chair cushions by the fireplace. Ciel didn’t stir from her seat, instead curled up more to try and nap again, “I am, I am.” She murmured dismissively, her arms wrapped around herself and her face on her knees. She was looking like an overgrown fetus on the cushion. “I know you should be getting a lot of sleep because you’ve been coming up to your room by 9 at night but you don’t seem like you are at all, Ciel, if anything, you look like you haven't slept for days.”

“I’m fine, Rem. Tell me about your day, go on.” She said, lazily waving her hand to him. “Not until you tell me honestly what’s going on.”

She sighed, “Nothing’s going on. Just tired from teaching.”

"You said you'd tell me." He said, sounding sulky like a friend you didn't let in on the secret — which he is. "I said I will when I figure it out, and I still haven't." She replied. Remus didn't say anything back so they were both engulfed in the sound of their own quiet breathing, the cackling of the fire, and some muffled sounds of giggles and laughs from students passing by outside.

“R'you mad at me?” She asked, lifting her head so she could see him. He was leaning back comfortably on his seat, staring at the fire. He was looking thinner than he already was before the full moon the other night. But she’s sure he’d just be gaining the weight he’ll be losing again for the next full moon. 

“No, ‘course not.” He answered, still staring intently at the fire like as if it was the most bizarre thing he’s ever laid his eyes on, “What made you ask?”

“You seem like it.”

“No, it’s called _worrying_. I feel like something’s wrong but you’re not telling me.”

She swallowed the lump on her throat before shaking her head, “No, I’m not not telling you anything, I just need to understand it first and I promise I will.”

She wasn’t sure why she wasn’t telling Remus about it yet even though she's somehow figured it out, but her guess is that it’s weird. She’s weird. Trying to get through a part of a dream every night is weird.

But what's weirder is that the dream kept repeating itself every night.

He finally tore his gaze off the fire after the long staring contest with it, “Sure?”

She just nodded with a sweet smile.

The next days were getting colder, the rain had stopped but the cold wind was still there, much colder now that Autumn is slipping away and Winter is around the corner. Though the season was close to changing, her dream was still the same every single night: starting from that bedroom scene where the clothes never ended up being folded and put into the closet, the question never properly answered, to those piercing screams of her parents in pain and until that one voice calling her ‘ _Leuna_ ’.

She was walking down the cold, stone steps of the dungeons to Snape’s office, muttering the ingredients of her potion again and again so she wouldn’t forget while at the same time complaining about the long way down. “This is a work out,” she sighed, “and why do I have to get the ingredients myself — 'mean, alright fine, she’ll be concocting it for me but still — oh, wait what was it again? Lavender and flobberworm mucus, right, right.”

She stopped outside his office for a second, taking in a deep breath. She raised her hand to knock but was distracted by the gruesome painting next to the door, her face twisting in disgust.

She knocked on the door before the giant in the painting even took notice of her. Snape’s bored voice, though muffled, sounded outside his office, “Come in.” She opened the door slightly, poking her head in. “Hey.” She breathed before letting her whole body in. “Can I assist you with anything — _Professor_?” He looked up from his parchment, “Or is it another visit to tell me off for an issue with the students?”

“No, no. I haven’t heard any complaints so far, so thanks, but I came to ask for some potion ingredients, Madam Pomfrey said you’d have ‘em.”

“What potion is it exactly?”

“The potion for a dreamless sleep, _please_."

He narrowed his eyes slightly, “You stopped taking your potion for almost two weeks —”

“Yeah, well, I want it now again.”

He arched an eyebrow and stared at her apprehensively before sighing quietly, “The ingredients you require are —?”

“Uhm… Wait, I was reciting it on my way down here…”

He closed his eyes as if trying to meditate and calm himself down, “You can’t even remember —”

“I got distracted — and I remember it all the way down here — you made me forget! Lavender and flobberworm thingy — mucus! Flobberworm mucus... I think.”

He arched an eyebrow, “Sure?”

“I… yes… well don't do that! You're messing up my certainty."

Snape sighed, “I’ll just give you all the ingredients.” He decided, abandoning his quill and getting up from his seat to the shelves full of glass jars with weird contents and ingredients, “Good idea.” Ciel grinned.

“What’s this?” She asked, picking up a small vial with green gooey liquid in it, she tilted the bottle slightly, “It looks like a milk that’s gone bad.”

“Do not touch anything.” Snape said calmly, his back was facing her while he takes all that Ciel needed. “Was just asking.” She shrugged, putting the vial back and picking up another, this time, the content was molten gold, like water filled with gold glitters. She held it up close to her eyes to examine it, the glitters swirling around the container. She fumbled with the vial, almost dropping it when Snape’s voice echoed behind her: “I said do not touch anything.”

She breathed heavily, putting it back clumsily and facing him, “Don’t startle me — I could’ve dropped it!”

The corner of his lips twitched slightly, suppressing an amused smile before pointing at a medium-sized box on his desk, “The ingredients.”

She walked towards it and opened the lid, revealing jars carefully and neatly placed inside. “Thanks.” She said, picking it up with both her hands to be more secured. “Do you mind opening the door for me?” She asked, raising her shoulder as an attempt to point at the door. He walked to it while Ciel followed behind him. He pulled the door handle but the door didn’t open. “Stuck.” He muttered, more to himself than to Ciel. “Well, do something it’s your door.” She said irritably causing Snape to glare at her. He tried to open the door again but it still didn’t open. “Oh dear,” she mused, “you don’t reckon anyone's put a lock spell on your door, do you? If it’s the lock spell that I’m thinking… _no_ … oh god, I’ll be stuck in here for 10 hours.”

“Who would put a lock spell on my door?”

Ciel carefully placed the box back on Snape’s desk with a sigh, “Well, maybe students who are trying to do something and didn’t want you catching them at it.” 

“You’re very good at charms, try something.”

She smiled teasingly at him, “Was that a compliment? Very good at charms. Well, thanks, Snape. But no, I’m less than useless. It’s a lock spell with a time duration, it’s meant not to be undone until the duration’s up… but we can blast a whole on your wall and just fix it afterwards.”

“No!”

“Well, what now? I can’t sleep here.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t see any options.” He said, sitting back behind his desk. She drew herself a chair and sat in front of his desk, “Just when I was looking forward to finally drink the potion.” She muttered, leaning on the desk. “Why haven’t you been taking it?” He asked quietly, picking up his quill and _[pretending to be]_ focusing on the parchment that he was marking like as if he's just making small talk but not at all interested _[even though he was]_. “I don’t know. I was trying to finish a dream but it kept ending the same way.” She shrugged. She crossed her arms against the desk and leaned her chin on it, staring at the work he was trying to finish. “ _Obviously_ , if you were dreaming about previous events —”

“It wasn’t a previous event — well, a part of it was — but the ending couldn’t possibly be because you…th —" She swallowed, sitting up straight again. He looked up from the parchment, “Because _youth_?” He repeated. “I meant because there was something about the ending that didn’t even happen in real life.” She muttered, leaning back on her chair.

They were both engulfed in an uncomfortable silence. Ciel was just scanning the whole dimly lit office, the jars with weird contents like a floating frog and other preserved small animals, there might also be some bits of guts in there, on the other side of the wall were the vials containing different potions varying in colour and sizes. She looked back at Snape when she found nothing else to observe in his office, he was reading intently an essay of one of his students, holding the quill readily on one hand. If there was one night she really needed and wished to have a dreamless sleep, it was this night. She was sure seeing Snape, talking to him, and being stuck with him for a few hours would just trigger the dreams related to or involving him. The dream, after all, started that Hallowe'en night where he also happened to be in his room, waking her up from it.

She leaned back on his desk, pressing her cheeks against her arms and staring at the empty cold and moist-looking wall. 

“If you’re sleepy… my room’s —” he hesitated for a second but went on anyway, “my room’s behind that door.” She was sure he pointed at the door in the corner even though she couldn’t see him point, since it was the only door aside from the exit on the other side. “I can stay up for the night.” She mumbled, “I don’t feel like dreaming.”

“Don’t be stupid, you have classes tomorrow, you can’t teach them without sleep — you look sleep-deprived enough, you don’t need another night to make it seem more obvious,” he said in a scolding manner, “if you’re worried I’d do anything to you in your sleep —”

“I’m not worried about you doing anything, I trust you with my life, funnily enough.” She sighed, seating up and looking at his dumbfounded expression. “Right, then. Go to bed.” He mumbled, still trying to sound stern, pointing at the door again with his thumb.

Ciel just sighed and walked towards the door opening it to see an even more dimly lit room, a double bed in the middle with bedside drawers on either side. The bed had green drapes tied neatly to each poster and his walls were plain and dark. It was too eerie for her liking. She turned back to Snape, “You’re coming in later, are you?” She asked quietly. Snape sighed, “There aren’t any monsters in there.”

“I know that, I’m not 12!” She said, flustered, “But why is it so dark? What if there’s a boggart in there —”

“There aren’t anything in there. Just go to bed —”

“You’ll follow —”

“I’ll follow —”

“Good —”

“Wait, what —?”

“You’ll follow.” She said, slipping into the room, “Goodnight then.” She left the door slightly ajar before skipping towards the bed and lying reluctantly on its cold sheets. It smelled so much like Snape, she thought, as she wrapped herself tightly with the blanket.

The dark room of Severus Snape slipped away slowly as she drifted to the same mint green-painted room with the same woman wearing a blue, button up shirt sitting on the edge of her 21-year-old self’s bed, folding clothes while Ciel reads a book.

"Why aren't you working these days?"

Her mother asked, and came the reply she’s already memorized by now, word by word, everything that was said in the dream, "Leave it there, mum, I'll fold them."

The scene progresses to the part where she calls her father’s office and she felt the same twist in her stomach when she was told that her father’s left an hour earlier.

And then came the knock on the door and the last conversation she and her mum ever had: "I love you. I just want you to know." “I love you too, honey." The knock on the door was dreadful, it was impatient and loud each time the knuckles hit the surface of the door. Walking toward it and expecting the worst was even dreadful than just listening to the knock.

Just seconds after it, came the loud, piercing screams. And even for all the times she’s seen it every night, repeatedly, for the past fortnight, she still felt the same: sorry and vengeful. Her parents twitching and screaming while the death eaters were having the time of their lives, laughing and enjoying the look of them hurting. But it wasn’t long after the screaming stops.

The room silenced at once after the flashes of green light and her parents showed no more signs of life. Her ears were ringing so loud that it took her a moment to hear her own screams.

“ _Leuna_.”

It’s that voice again. Ciel was aware that she was dreaming and she thought it was about to cut there again but it didn't this time. It went on.

“I said not her — she doesn’t know anything!”

“She’s lying!” Squealed the voice of that woman she loathed so much. Cieletterre squirmed from the hold of the two death eaters and finally, she saw the owner of the voice she’s been hearing for nights.

It was Snape.

_But how…?_

“She’s not.”

“You’re just trying to save her — get out of here, Snape!” The woman was about to raise her wand but Snape caught her arm, “I said not her.” He said through gritted teeth, forcing the woman’s hand down. “Fine!” She said angrily, pulling her sleeve down and turning to the other death eaters and they all retreated.

She fell to the ground as the two death eaters restraining her removed their tight grips. Ignoring her bruising parts, she crawled towards her parents bodies, shaking them as if they were only asleep.

“Leuna.” Snape’s voice said, “Leuna, please.” He placed a hand on her shoulder as he knelt beside her. “Sev — Sev, help me, let’s bring them to St. Mungo’s, they can fix her —”

“Leuna —”

“Don’t look at me like that!” She shouted at him,

“They’re fine! They’ll be fine! We just need to — they’re not —” But she stopped herself, gripping on her father’s shirt and burying her face on his chest. It wasn’t rising nor falling anymore, there was no heartbeat, there were no signs of life anymore. “But they’re fine…” She sobbed.

“ _Leuna_ ,”

She felt Snape place his arms around her shoulders, telling her sorry repeatedly while he tightens his hold comfortingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what the ingredients are for a dreamless sleep potion and I can't find it anywhere so I just took some from the sleeping draught hehehe.


	11. Golden Slumbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cieletterre wakes up in the dungeons and recounted the events of that night her parents died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning or just warning: Death, drowning

The silence of the night at the dungeons had been replaced by the loud whimpers of pain and devastation as her cries in her dream was simultaneously happening in real life. As the nightmare melted away into reality, the first thing that Cieletterre saw when she opened her eyes was Snape’s worried-looking face. He was seated next to her lying figure, looking down at her. He sighed in relief as he removed his hand from her arm from where he had been shaking her awake, and cold immediately rushed to the part his warm hand had ghosted. “Did I wake you up?” She croaked, pushing her elbows against the bed to sit up, she felt herself drenched in her own sweat, “I’m sorry.” She said, wiping her face with her sleeves, “I’m sorry.” She repeated, burying her face on her hands.

Snape didn’t say anything, the bed slightly bounced as he got up, walking toward a wardrobe. He rummaged through it for a bit, pulling out a shirt and a pair of silk pants. “Put these on.” He quietly said, placing the neatly folded clothes down next to her. She was going to decline but as if Snape read her thoughts, he said, “Just put them on, you’re drenched, you’d catch a cold.”

She reluctantly took the clothes and dragged herself toward the door at the corner of his bedroom which lead to the bathroom. Her breathing was still hitching silently as she reached for the zipper on her back and struggling to pull it down. She put the shirt and the pants on once she’s managed to take her teaching robes off; the shirt was huge, airy, and comfortable compared to the corset of her teaching robes, and she had to roll the silk pants because they were too long for her legs. She hanged her sweat-drenched dress robe on the steel bar near the door, walked back in front of the sink, and washed her tear-stained face. She stared at herself in the mirror whilst recounting the dream that just woke her up.

It was Snape.

She’s had the thought that it was him since the first time she’s dreamt about it but why was it still surprising?

Is it possible that she was lucid dreaming?

But she wasn’t in control of the dream… maybe she was unconsciously.

Or was it a rare kind type of lucid dreaming?

She dried her face with her shirt and stared at her still bloodshot eyes. _It was just a dream_. She told herself, taking in deep breaths to calm down.

When her breathing had become stable again, she walked back outside, tugging on the hem of her large shirt that Snape handed her. He had just got in from his office, holding a silver goblet, “Drink this for now,” he said, holding it out to her, “It’s only 1 am, I’m guessing the door should open at 6 since it was locked around 8 last night.” He added when Cieletterre took the goblet from him. She just realized, he was in his pyjamas, all black still, but it was a change to see him out of his usual, fit teaching robes with all the buttons. 

She sat back on the bed with the goblet in her hand, swirling the water in it by carefully shaking her hand in a circular motion, “Did I wake you up?” She inquired again when he sat on the other side of the bed. “Doesn’t matter. Just drink up and calm down.” He replied quietly.

She took enough gulps of water before placing it down on the side drawer. They were both just quiet and only the sound of her own breathing was all that Ciel could hear. It was like that Hallowe’en night again except now it happened in his room, and coincidentally, she dreamt the same dream again, just a bit different because of the ending, but still the same event. 

She leaned on the headboard for a few minutes before lying back down, wrapping herself with his blanket, and facing the dark wall. She felt the bed dip even more as Snape lied down the bed too next to her.

“What did you dream about?” He asked, after a few more minutes of silence. She lied flat on her back and turned her head to Snape who was a few inches away from her and was facing the other way. “The same dream I said I kept trying to finish the past few nights,” she said, staring back at the ceiling, “only this time… it didn’t end the same as last time. It went on.”

Her mum used to say that dreams are what you either desire or fear the most deep down. The dream was weird but she was sure it may have been something she wanted to at least have after her parents just died: a comfort from a friend.

But why did it end there?

She asked herself, she was expecting an ending in the dream at least, was that it? If she was lucid dreaming, she could’ve made herself ask the dream-Snape questions: What are you doing here? Why did you come back? How did you find us here? The answers would probably what she would want to hear deep down if it was happening deep in her consciousness.

In real life, how did that night end? She only realized now that she never looked back on that night ever since, she never tried to remember how she managed the next day. But now that she’s thought of it, everything seemed to have cut that night with her sobbing on her parents’ bodies — what she did and how she told her other families that they’re gone, she doesn’t remember clearly.

Why did the death eaters leave her alone? 

All she remembers is that after that flash of green light, she was continuously tortured for the Potters’ secret keeper, but she was never killed, they just eventually left, maniacally laughing as they did so. Maybe that was their final torture — living her alive while the people she loved were dead.

++ _28th of October, 1981_ ++

"I really don't know, please." Cieletterre cried, looking at the woman and then at her parents' twitching bodies. The two death eaters torturing them were laughing and enjoying — like as if giving people excruciating pain was their happy pill. "Maybe, killing them would make you say —" Ciel abruptly brought her gaze back to the woman who was wearing a smug look on her face. "No, please,” Ciel breathed, looking at her pleadingly while the woman bore a look that was hungry for murder, “I'm — I'm telling the truth —" She cried, trying to free herself from two more death eaters that were holding her tightly, their grips were so tight on her arm and she could feel their nails burying on her skin.

A flash of green light appeared from the tip of the two wizards' wands before she could even try and beg the woman again; the screaming finally stopped. She stared at the lifeless bodies of the people she grew up with, loved, and cherished with all her life. She just stared at them, taking in what had just happened, and a part of her was hoping she just saw a different flash of light, all the people in the room were erased from her mind as she continuously gaped at their bodies, the shock of it was preventing her from trying to comprehend what just happened. There was a loud, deafening ringing in her ear as silence fell over them, she started screaming and cursing at the amused death eaters surrounding her when reality had finally hit her, though she couldn’t hear herself for a moment because of that piercing ringing.

“Crucio!” Came that woman’s voice again and that horrible laugh that was immediately washed away by Ciel’s own screams.

It was a wrenching pain, not something she’s ever experienced before. It felt like she was being ripped apart limb by limb, painstakingly, as if mocking her agony.

“Not as strong as you were when you were with your other Auror friends, are you?

“Tell us where the other members of the Order are!

“The Potters —"  
“Tell us who the secret keeper is —"

Each question, demand, statements she ignored resulted in an even more tormenting pain. But she had got nothing to lose anymore so why won’t they just kill her so it’s over?  
The pain was intolerable, her screams were now hoarse and breaking and her throat was flaming from all the crying and shrill screams. Just when she thought she was about to die from the pain, it stopped coming.

The two men restraining her finally dropped her on the cold ground, she could feel her arm bruising form where their grips had been. They were leaving. _No please, kill me_. But she couldn’t bring herself to talk and beg for it from them. She couldn’t beg them to come back and finish her off too. 

When all the death eaters have left the sitting room wrecked with two dead bodies, she crawled toward her parents lying figures, gripping on their arms, shaking them and trying to wake them up even though she knows it’s never going to happen. They were gone.

++🥀++

She rolled on the bed, taking in a deep breath and stretching, she was still drowsy so she wasn’t daring to open her eyes, thinking she’d be blinded by lights if she did so, but the scent coming off from the sheets reminded her that there weren’t going to be any sunlight or any blinding light at all in the room because she was still at the dungeons in Snape’s room. She slowly opened her eyes and saw that the space beside her was already deserted. She sat up immediately to see Snape already dressed in his usual teaching robes and buttoning his sleeve. “It’s 8 in the morning.” He said when he noticed her confused expression, “I’ll be going ahead, I shall inform your students you’d be late for a few minutes. Close my office door when you leave, will you?” 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” She groggily asked, lying back down and rolling under the blankets so she was wrapped in it. “You were deep in your sleep… And you needed it.” He answered and a few moments later, the sound of the door shutting indicated that he’s left already. She sighed, closing her eyes for a few minutes before deciding to get up. She fixed his bed and blew the candles off before walking out to his office, the box of ingredients for her potion wasn’t there anymore. Snape must’ve brought it to Madam Pomfrey himself. She walked out to the empty steps of the dungeons, the gruesome paintings greeting her again. She shut Snape’s door close behind her before sneaking upstairs, trying not to bump into any students. She was still in Snape’s pyjamas and her robes — “My teaching robes!” She gasped, realizing that her clothes was still hanging in his bathroom. She ran back down to his office, into his room, and finally into his bathroom, took her dress robes before running back outside his office, shutting it close again and quietly making her way up the cold, stone steps of the dungeons. “Oh god, this means passing by students going to their potions class — I hope they’re still at breakfast — It’s 8:30 — I hope there aren’t any early birds…” She muttered to herself as she walked nearer and nearer to the potions classroom.

She concealed her clothes so it doesn’t look weird holding it. Thankfully, there weren’t any students around yet so she skipped up the cold stairs and finally out of the dungeons. She was going to run up to her room when she realized the possibility of greeting each of her student entering her class before she could even reach her own office. “I should’ve changed first,” she said, looking around the corridors, “bathroom, bathroom.” She muttered, turning to a corner to walk towards the ladies’ bathroom and meeting McGonagall on the way. The two of them were startled at first before a knowing smile crept on her Professor’s face, “I happened to have a clue who wears that nightwear.” She said, eyeing her up and down with a cheeky grin. “Y — yeah, i — it’s _my_ nightwear.” Ciel replied. “But what would the Charms Professor be doing down on the ground floor, still in her pyjamas, when her room is at the 7th?” 

“Professor!” She whispered-yell, giving up the lies, “A student — lock — I’ll explain everything — I need to change—class at 9!” She said hurriedly, bouncing nervously on the balls of her feet. “Oh no need, dear, Snape’s said everything at the table. It’s a good thing Lupin asked about you.” McGonagall said giddily, “Now go change and eat your breakfast.”

“At the table? You mean, where everyone — surrounding teachers could hear?” She asked with an appalled expression. McGonagall just nodded happily like as if something she’s been wishing for had finally come true. It was the first time she’s seen her that giddy again ever since McGonagall saw her pointing her wand at Snape that night a fortnight ago.

Ciel stared at her Professor as she walked away, her beautiful dark shade of green robes billowing gracefully as she did so. “At the table?” She repeated to herself as she made her way to the bathroom, “So all the surrounding teachers could hear — that’s embarrassing — oh, what would they think!” She rushed inside a cubicle and hurriedly changed out of the clothes Snape lent her and into her robes from yesterday (she had to stare at her robes for a few minutes, debating whether or not she should just risk being seen in her pyjamas instead of wearing something that dried from being soaked in sweat — she chose the latter anyway). She was going to grab something to eat first but decided that she’d just make it up to her stomach at lunch time.

When she got into her classroom (she concealed the clothes she changed out of), all her students greeted her happily. “Everyone seems to be energetic this morning,” she smiled at them, forcing Snape’s concealed clothes into her desk’s drawers, “What’s the good news you received today?”

“We thought Professor Snape was going to substitute for you again, Professor,” Linnaeus, one of her students, said with a relieved expression, “ _phew_ — It was a really good news to hear him say you were only going to be late.”

Ciel laughed cleaning up her desk first only to notice packs of different snacks on it, a sandwich, and a bottle of pumpkin juice. She looked around at her students, “Who was thoughtful enough to bring me food?” She asked with a smile. “Professor Lupin. He came in a while ago after Professor Snape.” Someone answered, and a few girls giggled excitedly.

Ciel looked down at the snacks again, noticing a piece of paper pinned under the box of cookies, “Oh, right, I didn’t see the note,” she said, more to herself than to her students, the note wasn’t signed but she knows the handwriting too well.

_I know you’d skip breakfast again so I thought I’d just bring you snacks. Eat them, alright?_  
_Have a good day _

“Professor, are you dating?” One girl from Gryffindor asked, her friends giggling with her. More murmurs erupted, the girls restraining each other’s excitement.

“I’m not telling you that if we were,” she told her student, sticking her tongue out playfully at her and making them laugh. “Okay, that’s enough —” she said when they were murmuring even more, “— Topics that aren’t related to our subject are banned. Anyway, as I told you all last meeting about what we’ll be learning today, I am hoping some practiced in advance…”

++🌻++

The rest of the day went on smoothly, she had to skip lunch again and turn to the snacks Remus gave her for breakfast (He gave her a lot so she still had some left for lunch) just so she had time to shower. It felt really disgusting to be wearing something that was drenched in your sweat so she wanted to freshen up since the dress robes felt sticky. She had to eat a lot at dinner trying to fit three full course meals in one since she missed two of them today.

“Haven’t seen you the whole day.” Remus said, a hand in his pocket and another holding a gas lamp. He invited Ciel for a walk outside after dinner so now both of them were strolling out on the grounds under the crescent moon, the cold November wind brushing against their faces, cicadas making all the noises they could, and a lonesome dragonfly was flying over the lake, trying not to break the water’s surface tension. “Yeah, I didn’t have any chance to go out my room, I didn’t have any vacant hours today, and I had to take a shower that’s why I had to miss lunch — my dress robes were sticky — so really thanks for the snacks, I ate them for lunch too.” She grinned at Remus. She shivered when the wind blew harder even though she was wearing a warm and comfortable coat (the coat Remus gave her), she rubbed her hands together. “Here,” Remus said, holding the gas lamp with his other hand, he slightly raised his now free right hand in front of her, she stared at it in confusion, “What?” She asked, looking back at Remus. He chuckled, “Your hand.”

Ciel, still confused, furrowed her eyebrows at Remus who had a sweet smile plastered on his face. He sighed, taking her hand and intertwining his fingers with hers, “You’re a bit of a slowpoke sometimes,” he laughed, his bony hand immediately warmed hers as he shoved their holding hands into his coat pocket, “it’s warmer.” She felt herself flush (and sweat) as she looked dumbfoundedly at Remus’s pocket where their hands were warmly tucked in, “I — _Th_ — Yeah —” she stammered, “Thanks.”

Lupin just laughed as they both continued to walk hand in hand. 

“Are you — uh —” He said after a few minutes of silence, “— friends with — with Severus again?”

“I don’t know, but he was nice to me last night.”

“Yeah, the way he was talking about it at breakfast, he seemed really fine about it.” He quietly said, “So… did you sleep with him?”

“I slept _beside_ him — I had no choice,” she answered, laughing a bit, “I got to bed first so I didn’t even feel or see him asleep beside me, and then when I woke up — I woke us up at 1 am,”

“Another dream?” Remus asked and Ciel nodded, “Was he fine with it?”

“Yeah, he didn’t get all grumpy about it — thought he’d be the type of person to get mad if his sleep was disturbed, I guess not… so I fell asleep again and then when I woke up, he was already dressed for class.”

“The dream… are you okay?” He asked again, staring at his feet as he walked like as if he was measuring every step he was taking.

“Yeah…” she replied quietly. She hasn’t given the dream any thought the whole day. It was even weirder now that she’s thought about it. She thought she’d much prefer to have dreams about past events than weird ones that make her feel… confused. She promised to tell Remus once she’d figure it out, but what was there to tell him? She doesn’t even know what it meant.

“…this lake?”

She looked up at Remus, she didn’t even notice that they have stopped walking now. “Sorry?” She said, looking at the direction of where he was also looking. “Do you remember what happened at this lake?”

Ciel looked at it. _Of course, I do_. She thought to herself.  
“I could’ve died.” She said grimly, remembering every detail of the prank — as Snape had called it.

++🥀++

“Hey, mudblood —” Someone from Slytherin that Ciel has been loathing for months now called her. She didn’t bother turning around to see the person and thought that she should just get away from them. Placing her bookmark between the pages of where she stopped reading, she got up from where she was sitting on the ground by the lake and dusted herself off. “Hey, mudblood, I’m calling you!” She was still feigning deafness at the continuous calls being thrown at her.

She was going to walk away when her book got snatched from her hands. 

“Give it back, Mulciber, please.” She said calmly. Mulciber ignored her, “What is this, novels for the mudbloods?” He asked, harshly turning the pages and almost ripping one out while showing it to Avery, another Slytherin whom she also didn’t like. He was laughing along with Mulciber like as if him rudely turning the pages of her book was the peak of comedy. She swallowed, trying to keep herself calm, “Please, just give it back,” she said, “I’m not doing anything to you, _alright_? Just give it here.” She bent down to pick up her bookmark that fell between the pages. “Please, give it back — what did I ever do to you!?” She asked, shoving the bookmark in her pocket.

“You’re a mudblood, that’s what you did!”

Ciel, though thinking about how stupid the two was, still said calmly, “Please, just give that back.” She tried to reach for it but Mulciber had raised his hand immediately. “Mulciber —"

“Oh, alright, fine.” He said lazily. He held out the book to Cieletterre and just when she was about to take it, he tossed it at the lake. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU —” She said angrily, looking back at his snickering face and thinking how she just wants to curse that smirk off his stupid face.

“Get it back then, Mudblood, here, let me help you —” 

He pushed her into the lake, their figures blurring as she looked at them from under the water. Before she could even resurface, she felt herself being pulled deeper, and just as she feared, the giant squid that the students always feared, was tugging on her foot. She was going to feel her pocket for her wand but the creature was dragging her deeper into the lake and she couldn’t hold her breath much longer now. As she struggled to kick and free herself, she slowly felt her lungs getting heavier as water was slowly filling them. She took one last look at the blurred sun from above the water and a moment later, there was a splash from above, the disturbance creating bubbles underwater.

A boy was swimming toward her, she couldn’t quite make out who it was as she was now just struggling to stay conscious and keep her eyes open. He was holding his wand out defensively, pointing below her. She looked at the giant squid and then at the boy, mentally begging him to hurry up. There were no flashes of lights that came out from his wand but the jets of bubbles indicated he’s cast a spell.

The last thing she felt before her consciousness completely slipped away was an arm tightly wrapped around her waist.

It was just dark, cold, wet, and her lungs felt like bursting. She was lying on a hard ground and she could hear muffled voices.

Then there was a pair of lips against hers.

She opened her eyes abruptly, ignoring the blinding ray of the sun and the other kids looking down at her, and focusing on a boy’s scarred face that was so close to hers. She harshly pushed him away as she sat up from the hard ground, coughing badly, throwing up water from her mouth and nose. She gasped, looking at the boy whose hair was all over his face, his school robes also drenched and his Gryffindor tie was over his shoulder.

“I —” Lupin tried to speak. Ciel had the back of her hand on her lips, breathing heavily as she stared at his worried blue eyes, “I — sorry — I had to give you — you weren’t breathing and—”

“Ciel!”

Lily’s voice cut him off his sentence as she knelt beside her and wrapped her in dry cloth. “We need to bring you to Madam Pomfrey, Ciel,” she said worriedly, “Lupin, can you carry her —”

“I can walk.” Ciel said weakly, looking away from Lupin.

“Alright, alright. Thank you for saving her, Remus.” Lily said to him before helping Ciel up, “You should walk with us, you need to dry to or you’d catch a cold.”

++🥀++

“I can’t believe he defended something like that.” She said quietly. 

“Snape?” Remus asked.

Ciel hesitated for a bit before answering, “It’s actually the reason we stopped being friends… I guess I wasn’t worth choosing over those two.” She muttered, staring at the mirror-like surface of the lake. “Hey, I’m sure he didn’t really mean it that way —”

“Of course he did. But it’s alright. I got to be friends with you then. I — thanks to you, I got out the water alive — I thought that damned squid was going to be my end. I really owe you my life,” she said, squeezing Remus’s hand, “I didn’t thank you that day, sorry.” She sheepishly said but Remus just shrugged with a small laugh, “It’s alright. I know you were still mad at me because of that incident with Snape after O.W.L.s,” he said, “and I didn’t really expect you to forget about the bullying just because I saved your life.”

“Hey, I was, still am, thankful — I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to you that day because — well, because I was still a bit mad, but hey, we became friends two days after that event, I thanked you in the Prefect’s bathroom. Do you remember what you told me after I said I was grateful for the hundredth time?”

“Was it the ‘ _kiss of life_ ’ thing?” He threw his head back with a laugh, “’Don’t worry, I only gave you the kiss of life.’ And I remember that I was referencing the joke with the Dementor’s kiss, since it was kind of like opposite.”

“That was lame,” Ciel laughed, “but yeah, it was definitely the kiss of life.”

“I’m glad I decided to walk around the grounds that day.” He said with a contented sigh. “I’m glad _you_ decided to walk around the grounds that day.” Ciel parroted with a satisfied sigh, “I can’t believe you also got my book back, I still have it in my bookshelf even though the pages were all _frizzy_ when they dried.”

“I saw you getting all excited about it at the Great Hall when an owl delivered it to you,” He said, “so I couldn’t just leave it at the bottom of the lake. I thought about buying you a new copy but it was a muggle-written book, I didn’t know how to get it.”

Ciel felt that same warm feeling she felt when Lupin told her he loved who gave her his coat. She smiled at the thought.

“You were really nice to me even though all I did was hate you.” She told him quietly with a sigh. “That’s alright. As I said, I gave you a reason to hate me, so it’s completely understandable why you felt that way.”

She leaned her head on his arm (she can’t reach his shoulder) and patted his stomach lightly with her free hand, “You’re a blessing.”

They walked back to the castle after half an hour later, still hand in hand. She felt the warm subside when he took their hands out of his pocket the moment they reached the entrance hall, he gave her hand a squeeze before letting it go. Students were still swarming all around the corridors which meant that the night was still young. 

“I’ll go up to the Hospital Wing,” she said, pointing at the ceiling, “I’ll get my potion and head to my room.”

“I can walk with you if you want.” He offered after putting out the fire on the gas lamp. “No, no, I should be fine. You should get some rest too.” She smiled, giving him a quick hug, “G’night, Remmy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She walked up to the Hospital wing, greeting Madam Pomfrey who was straightening the sheet on one bed, but Pomfrey looked at her nervously.

“What’s wrong?” Ciel asked.

“I — Crown, I wasn’t able to prepare a potion tonight — well, I did — I mean, Severus did —”

“Why him?”

“Well, he said just because he had time to do it and he liked concocting that potion, so he made it last night, and I told him to bring you a goblet, so he did, he walked out and then came back later saying he’s accidentally spilled it. Well, he looked mad, so I didn’t ask for the details anymore but then he went back to his concocted culdronful and I panicked when he cleaned it up, I said —

“’Snape — Ciel still needed it — you spilled the potion, remember?’ And then he replied with, ‘Oh, right. Well, I’m sure she’s happy tonight, she won’t be having dreams.’ And then he left. So I made another one but it’s not ready yet, it needs a few hours just sitting, doesnt it?.”

Ciel blinked a couple of times at Madam Pomfrey who looked like a nervous wreck at the moment, “Oh, I’m really sorry, Cieletterre.”

“Snape’s not the clumsy type who’d spill a potion he concocted though.” Ciel muttered, frowning at Madam Pomfrey. “That’s what I thought! But he looked mad when he came back so I didn’t ask him any questions about it — maybe he got mad that he spilled it — I’m sorry, Cieletterre.”

Ciel just sighed heavily. “It’s okay. It’s not like I’ll die if I don’t take it. I can wait a few more days without it. Thanks though Madam Pomfrey. Goodnight!”

She stalked out of the Hospital wing and up to her office, and just as she was hoping, she met Snape on the stairs again. Their gazes met for a moment before he walked past her. He did look angry, she thought.

“Snape!” She called and he stopped walking down the stairs although his back was still facing her, “Are you okay?” She asked hesitantly. Snape didn’t answer and continued walking down instead. “Tch.” Ciel said quietly, “Jeez, what’s he being so mad for?” She asked herself as she walked towards her office. “Maybe the Headmaster’s given him bad news or something.”

She changed into her pyjamas (mint-green ones that looked like they were glowing when compared to the black ones that Snape lent her last night), sighing heavily as she lied down her bed.

No potion again. I wonder what I’ll be dreaming about tonight now that that dream’s finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know the flashbacks/dream of that night she eas tortured kept happening repeatedly but bear with me please! We need it for the story! Anyway, enjoy reading and thank you!!


	12. The Night Comes Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A boring day filled with random interactions and Ciel goes for out to Hogsmeade.

_“Sev! My mum’s invited you again to ours this Christmas if you’re only planning to stay here the whole break.” Ciel said excitedly, putting a scarf over Severus’s shoulders, “That came with the letter, an early Christmas gift — see, we’re matching.” She added, pointing at her own scarf that was now wrapped around her neck. “Did you write her back already? You should’ve said thank you from me.” He said, fixing his own scarf. “Not yet, I need to confirm if you’re coming home with me this Christmas.”_

_“You know I am,” Snape grinned happily, “hey, mine has a little moon on it — what do you have?” He asked, looking at the end of his scarf and then at Ciel’s. “Mine’s a sun. I don’t like it.”_

_“Why not? It makes sense, the sun brightens up the moon.”_

_“So I brighten you up, huh?” She laughed, “But they don’t get to meet though — you know, the sun goes down when the moon comes up.”_

_“They do meet. Eclipse. Not often but when they do it’s a phenomenon — now, come on, let’s write your mum back.”_

_++🌻++_

_“_ Phew _— we made it out there alive.” Ciel laughed, closing the door behind her. They have just ran from the Christmas party downstairs filled with Muggle relatives of Ciel’s. “Yeah, I thought we were going to be stuck there ‘til morning.” Severus said in exhaustion, lying down the bed. “Me too! Let’s open our gifts!” Ciel said, walking to the pile at the foot of her bed._

_Severus lied on his stomach and placed a pillow on his chin as he peeked from behind the footboard, “I have gifts too?”_

_“Of course you do, everyone in the family knew you were visiting again and '_ they were thrilled' _mum said. They love you! Apparently, they all wanted my mum and dad to have a son before I was born.” She held one gift up to the darl-haired boy, “See — ‘_ to: little Sevy, from: Auntie Bea’. _”_

 _“I’m not little anymore!” Severus said, looking flustered, Ciel laughed, “Yeah, she may have forgotten we grew older. She put ‘_ little Cielly _’ on mine.”_

 _They spent the night unwrapping gifts and so far, Ciel has received four new novel books, new clothes, a new quill from her mum, and a mirror from her dad. Severus has also gotten clothes, a book, some comics he liked to read when he first visited_ (“finally, a new chapter!”) _, a new cauldron from Ciel’s mum, and a mirror too from her dad._

_“It’s a two way mirror!” She gasped, looking at Severus through the mirror. “We can talk in our towers now!”_

_“Yeah, you’d better keep the mirror carefully and don’t break it.” Severus said, carefully placing his mirror back in its box and tucking it inside his bag. Ciel did the same, placing the gift on her bedside cabinet before rummaging through its drawers._

_“I got you a present —”_

_“I got you a gift —”_

_They said at the same time, holding out their gifts to each other. They laughed as they exchanged their wrapped presents, Ciel seating beside him on the bed. The gift he gave her was neatly wrapped in green Christmas wrapping that she wondered when he had time to prepare it, while the gift she gave him was wrapped in red._

_“What is it?” He asked, shaking the box she gave him. “It’s not that much but I — I really didn’t know what to give you — Oh — I’m sorry it’s really lame.” She plattered, watching him carefully unwrap the gift. “I’m fine with anything you give me, Loo.” He beamed, still removing the tapes from the wrapping._

_When the box was now free from the papers, he removed the lid and just stared at it._

_“Sorry, d-do you not like it — I’ll buy a new o —” He hugged her before she could even finish, making her fall back on the bed with the boy’s weight on her, “Thank you! I thought you didn’t like me reading these types of things when we saw it at Flourish and Blotts! Thank you, Loo!” He finally pulled away from the hug, sitting up and beaming excitedly at Ciel’s still recovering figure._

_“I — Well, I know you love learning about the dark arts and as you’d told me before, you’re only learning it to know what you’re up against and I trust you won’t use what you learned for the bad.” She shrugged, sitting up. “I won’t. Thanks, Loo. I really like it.”_

_“Should I open your gift?” She asked, holding up the small box that he gave her. His normally pale face flushed a tinge of pink as he looked at the box, “I — yeah, but it’s embarrassing.”_

_Ciel giggled, unwrapping the present, revealing a black velvet box. She pulled open the lid and inside it was a small locket. She took it out and stared at it._

_“It’s — It’s just a locket b-but I — look, I —” He took the locket from her and opened it, revealing a photo of them two from two years ago, “I put a photo of us even though I look stupid in there — and I used a permanent sticking charm on it even though you’re never going to have a reason to take that picture out — just so I could say we’re permanently friends. And I asked the maker to engrave our names on it, ‘Sev and Loo’. I actually got me one too so we’d be matching again like the scarfs but I didn’t want to wear a locket so I bought a ring and had our names carved on it too.”_

_“Where is it?” She asked, looking at his ringless fingers. “In my bag, I’ll wear it later — do you want me to put this on you?”_

_Ciel just nodded, holding her hair up as Severus crawled behind her, putting the locket around her neck. She looked at it and then at Severus’s blabbering figure: “It’s not that much but I thought you’d like it because I saw you looking at it at the leaky cauldron and I wanted to buy it for you but I don’t know if you really liked it or you were just looking at it because you were bored but I —”_

_“Sevy! It’s perfect, it’s perfect.” Ciel laughed, looking at the locket again._

_“If ever we stopped talking one day,” he said, “I want you to try and see what’s behind our smiles in this photo, alright? I mean, only if you want to. And don’t ever take this off — but if you really want to, of course you can — it looks really great on you and —”_

_“Thanks, Sevy, it’s mad sweet.” She grinned, planting a kiss on his cheek, “Happy Christmas.”_

**++🌻++**

“Permanently friends — what the hell?” Ciel yawned, rolling on her bed, “What did he have for dinner that night — was it the fruit cake? What was he being so sweet for — what did I kiss him for — god!”

She sat up from her bed, reaching for her bedside drawer and rummaging through it. She completely forgot about the locket’s existence ever since she took it off that day they argued in their 6th year. “I know it’s in that box —” she muttered, looking for the box where she puts small valuable things of hers. She placed it on her lap when she found it, taking off the lid and immediately spotting the gold locket among the other small treasures like pins and rings and scrunchies that all looked terribly old compared to the locket. It wasn’t tarnished at all and it looked brand new, like as if the exchange gift happened just yesterday.

_“If ever we stopped talking one day, I want you to try and see what’s behind our smiles in this photo.”_

“What does that mean?” She asked, opening the locket. She stared at their photo. “Behind our smiles what? The reason?” She asked herself in confusion, checking the plain back of the locket. If Snape meant why they were smiling in that photo, she’s certain that it was because her mother asked them to. 

_“Smile, you two!”_

_“I don’t like photos.” Snape whispered to Ciel who nudged him slightly, “No one’s gonna see it, just us.”_

_“1…2...3, smile!”_

Or maybe he was referring to what happened that day. _There weren’t anything special that day_. She thought with a frown, they were both in 3rd year in that photo and it was their last day at New Kingston for the Christmas holidays before going back to Hogwarts. She shoved the locket back into the box and placed the latter on her bedside drawer next to its lid. 

She got dressed and walked downstairs for breakfast and seating beside Remus. “Morning.” She grinned, pulling her chair closer to the table. “Morning.” Remus smiled back. It was still cold and all students were wrapped in coats as they merrily enjoy their breakfast, chatting with each other as they do so.

“What time is it?” She asked, putting toasts and eggs on her plate. “It’s almost 9 am.” Remus said. Ciel stared at the students, “No one seems to be hurrying for their class.”

“It’s a Saturday, Ciel.” Remus laughed, pouring juice on Ciel’s goblet. 

“Oh.” She replied, taking a bite from toast. “Crown,” Madam Pomfrey called, she was seated next to Madam Pince who was on Ciel’s other side, “Did you sleep well?” She asked and Ciel nodded, “It wasn’t that bad of a dream, so I guess so.”

“She didn’t get a potion last night?” Remus asked Pomfrey who shook her head and she then began to explain what she explained to Ciel last night at the Hospital wing while Madam Pince was also listening with interest. “But I don’t think Snape is —”

“—The clumsy type,” Pomfrey finished Remus’s sentence with a nod, “That’s what Ciel and I thought. But it doesn’t matter, I made one last night and you can finally have a goblet tonight.” She told Ciel who smiled at her gratefully. 

“You sure you’re alright?” Remus asked once Pomfrey had gone back to finishing her meal. “Yup, had a good sleep. See? No bloodshot eyes.” Ciel batted her eyelashes at Remus who let out a small laugh, “Good to know then.” He said before bringing his goblet to his lips to drink.

The meal finished not long after and the corridors were again filled with students seated everywhere. It was too cold to sit out at the grounds or courtyard so they just filled every seat inside the castle. “Are you busy today?” Ciel asked Remus, the two of them were making their way toward the Staff Room, both hands stuffed in their own pockets. “I have to finish marking.” He replied, “I am loaded —"

“Password!” Said the gargoyle, cutting Remus off. “There aren’t any, you mangy thing.” Ciel said, pushing the door open and pulling Remus in with her.

He sat in front of his desk and took out a bunch of parchments. Ciel sighed, “You know, I’d rather just sleep than read more essays from…” she took one parchment to read the name and year level, “third years.” She jokingly said, putting the sheet back on the pile. “Well, I don’t have any choice.” Remus said, laughing a bit as he takes out his quill.

“Want me to help?” She asked and Remus just shook his head, “I’m alright. You should enjoy your third-year-essay-less weekend.” He chuckled.

“Alright, I’ll go look for something to do.” Ciel said, walking toward the door. She opened it and peered outside, “Hey, Professor Trelawney’s coming. She’s adorable, you should go out with her if you’re very single.” She told Remus, who just gave a hearty laugh. 

“Morning, you two.” Professor Trelawney greeted when she entered the room. “Morning, Sybill.” Ciel grinned, “You decided to leave your tower today, huh?”

“Yes, Cieletterre. I’ve foreseen myself freezing to death up there.” She said with a misty voice. Ciel laughed, “I suppose it’s warmer down here, and it’s also best to have company.” She turned to Remus who was focused on reading, “Well, anyway, I’m going out. I’ll see you later.”

“Goodbye, Cieletterre.” Trewlawney said, seating behind a desk near the corner with a pile of parchments in front of her.

Ciel made her way past the student-filled corridors and up the staircases leading to her room at the 7th floor and on the 3rd, a ginger cat came running down the stairs, stopping in front of her. She bent down to pet it, “Where’s your owner?” She asked as the cat allowed itself to be pet. The tiger-look was oddly familiar, where did she see It before? “Oh, wait, you’re that cat from the train my student was holding, aren’t you?” She said and the cat slipped under her hand and continued down the stairs again. She shrugged, getting up and continuing to walk up the stairs, meeting three of her students walking down, Ron, guarding a bump on his sweater hand pockets. “Good Morning, Professor!” They greeted happily except Ron who was looking grim. “Morning, you three. Where are you off to?”

“Nowhere in particular,” said Hermione, “we were bored and thought we should look for something to do.” 

Ciel smiled, “I happen to be looking for something to do too, do you want to go to my office?” She asked and the three nodded. “Something wrong, mr. Weasley?” She asked, looking at the redhead. “He’s pissed,” Mumbled Harry, along with the words cat and catching. She frowned, “Why?”

“Hermione’s not listening to me, I told her to keep her stupid cat —”

“He’s not stupid, Ron!”

“—away from my rat.” He went on, ignoring Hermione’s interjection, “He’s looking very thin now and that cat’s stressing him out more.” He told Hermione who just ignored him. “I saw the cat just running down, it stopped on my feet though, I think it likes being pet.” Ciel said, opening her office door. “She does like being pet and she’s a very nice cat.” Hermione replied to Ciel though she was looking at Ron while Ciel was drawing chairs for them out of thin air.

She sat behind her desk and just flicked her wand over the tea cups so it made tea themselves. “Can I have a look at your rat, mr. Weasley?” She asked when the cups floated down in front of them. Ron pulled the rat which was indeed looking very thin and fragile and was struggling in Ron’s hold. “He’s very frightened these past few days, he didn’t use to be like that.” Said Ron as he tried to hold it in place. “He’s looking worse than I expected when you said he was looking very thin. He’s bones,” Ciel exclaimed, “uhm, how did you say it again: _he looks like one good hex would finish him off_.” 

Ron blushed, suddenly looking shy and putting his pet rat back in his pockets, “Oh, I’m sorry, Professor. I didn’t think you were listening — and Professor Lupin’s looking very nice now if ever that makes up for it.” Ciel laughed, “That’s alright. I just overheard it. It was funny. But anyway, have you tried taking him to the Magical Menagerie?”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have — Hermione couldn’t have gotten that stupid cat —”

“He’s not —”

“Alright, alright, don’t start fighting now,” Ciel said, “what did the people there say?”

“Well, we bought a rat tonic but he wouldn’t take it.” He replied sadly, taking a biscuit from the plate laid on the middle of Ciel’s desk. “Hm,” Ciel frowned, “maybe he’s dyi — I hope not.” She immediately said. “The witch at Magical Menagerie said regular rats don’t usually live for more than three years,” Harry said, “and Scabber’s pretty old.” He added, pertaining to the rat. “That’s right. I don’t think him thinning had something to do with Crookshanks —” Hermione said but Ron cut her off, “But he’s adding to it —”

“He’s not.”

Harry gave Ciel an apologetic look, he must be so used to them having a row all the time. “Alright, alright. I think it’s just better if both of you keep a look out your own pets.” She smiled, shutting the two up and then turning to Harry, “Now, how about you, Harry? Feeling better? I’m sorry about your broom. But you did really well on the match.” She said, Ron and Hermione nodding in agreement. “Thanks, Professor,” Harry said, though he sounded disappointed, “and I’m sorry we didn’t win, you had to stay out the rain and watch us practice for nothing.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Harry, I’m glad you’re alive.” She said with a small smile, “I heard Professor Lupin’ll be teaching you how to defend yourself against the dementors.” Harry’s face lightened up at the topic, “He will, he said at the next term,” he said excitedly, taking a bite off his biscuit, “do you also know how, Professor?”

“I — well,” Ciel hesitated, she hasn’t done a Patronus charm in so long, she weren’t even sure if she still had enough happy memories to conjure a Patronus, “it is a charm so I naturally do, but it’s a bit hard. I’ll just advice you to gather happy memories before starting your private lessons with Professor Lupin.” She beamed, “I’m sure you’ll do well.”

“Professor,” Hermione called catching both her and Harry’s attentions, “are you a half-blood?” She asked curiously. “No, a muggle born,” Ciel replied with a smile, “What made you ask?” Hermione pointed at Ciel’s posters that were plastered on the wall, “the bands. I’ve heard about them from my mum.” She grinned. 

They talked about more things, Ron asking about muggle things, since all three of the people he was with were all muggle-raised witches and wizard. It was lunch time that cut off their conversation and they all made their way down to the Great Hall which was already filled with students except the long table for the teachers which had a lot of vacant seats on them. Nevertheless, everyone was enjoying all types of foods set up in front of them.

She spent the rest of the afternoon reading in her office before getting bored again, deciding to take a walk around the castle through the different shortcuts behind paintings and tapestries. She got to the ground floor, jumping in fear when she bumped in Snape who just very slightly jolted. He stared down at her for a moment before continuing to walk like as if he didn’t see anything. “Hey, wait!” Ciel called, jogging up beside him, “You busy?”

“For you, yes, very much so.”

Ciel lightly flicked his arm before letting out a sigh. “You're very grumpy — but seriously though, are you? If you’re not, would you want to drink with me — tea, not alcohol.” She added abruptly, making a hand movement of drinking tea with her pinky raised. “Why won’t you ask Lupin?” He asked sarcastically without even tilting his head down to look at her. “He’s pretty busy, checking third-year essays and stuff.” Ciel replied with a frown, her hands clasped behind her as she tried to catch up with Snape’s huge footsteps. “Well, that’s unfortunate. I, as well, am busy.” He said turning a corner. They were now on their way down the dungeons so Ciel stopped on her tracks, “that’s alright, maybe next time then.” She mumbled, trying to hide her disappointment. Snape didn’t give any sign that he heard her, he just continued to walk down. “Snape,” she called, making him stop and slightly look over his shoulder, “are you mad at me still?” She asked, nervously fiddling with her sleeve. He didn’t answer, Ciel felt like she could hear crickets crawling in her ear and her stomach was twisting, “I — _nevermind_. Bye.” She said, hurrying away from him. She sighed when she walked out the castle and decided to just go to Hogsmeade to have a drink, she’d’ve invited Hagrid but his hut was empty and only Fang was in there, barking his head off at the door. 

“Hello, dear,” Rosmerta greeted her the moment she stepped inside the Three Broomsticks, “here alone?” The place wasn’t as crowded as it was last time, probably because there weren’t any students at every corner of the pub. The people seated on their own seats looked up from their drinks for a second before returning to their conversations or whatever it was they were doing alone. Ciel nodded curtly to Rosmerta, seating on a stool at the counter, “Hagrid wasn’t in his hut, Lupin’s busy. Those two are the only teachers I’m closest with enough to invite for a drink.” She added with a sigh, “Can I get the same rum I got last time?” 

“You can,” Rosmerta said as she wiped a glass with a clean towel, “but I don’t think you may have some at the moment.” She said, picking up a different glass to wipe. “Why not?” Ciel asked with a crestfallen look, lightly hitting the table with the side of her fist. “You’re alone, honey. What if you get drunk — how are you going to walk back to the castle?” She shook her head, clicking her tongue. “I won’t get drunk, I promise,” she said, raising her right hand as if pledging, “If I do get drunk, can I stay here for the night?”

Rosmerta sighed, putting a hand on her waist and looking at Ciel extensively, “What’s wrong, why do you want to drink badly?” Ciel just shrugged, “Just feel like it. I’ve got nothing better to do.” She pursed her lips, her fingers tapping the counter while she looks around again, “Can I sit there at the corner?” She pointed at the corner of the pub, it was darker there and farther from people too. Rosmerta hesitated for a moment before letting out a defeated sigh, “Fine, I’ll bring you drink and join you when there’s not much customers.”

Ciel beamed at the pub’s landlady and clapped her hands quietly as she got up. She walked toward the corner, smiling slightly at the people on the tables she passed by. Rosmerta followed not too long after with two bottles and two glasses, “It’s my treat.” She said, putting them down in front of Ciel. “No, it’s alright, I’ll pay.” Ciel said but Rosmerta gave her a stern look, making her laugh slightly.

They started drinking, talking about both their experiences in their professions and they’ve eventually emptied the two bottles, Ciel drinking most of them. Rosmerta was still somehow sober but Ciel, although she did not look like it, was already drunk. She sighed as Rosmerta got up the table to take care of a customer, leaving her alone again with their third bottle of red currant rum. She poured herself a glass and drank it in one gulp, looking around with her tired eyes for familiar faces, feeling confused as to why all the faces were looking the same. 

“Crown, it’s getting dark, I think you should get back.” Rosmerta said, sitting back down in front of her, “Oh, I’d manage.” Ciel said steadily with a smile. “No, the dementors will be coming here in a bit —”

“Nasty things,” she whispered, “I don’t think I can do a patronus — I hate my patronus.” Rosmerta, driven again by interest on the topic, forgot that she had to convince Ciel to get back before it gets later, “Why? What is your patronus?”

“A stupid animal,” she said indignantly, flashing even redder than she already was, “I wish it had changed now, it’s been years!” She was going to pour herself another glass of rum but Rosmerta took the bottle into her arms, “Oh, gosh, you’re already drunk,” she said worriedly, putting away all the glasses and bottles with the use of her wand, “This is my fault, I got too engulfed in the conversation.” She said, shaking her head, “Wait here, okay? I’ll try to contact someone in the castle. Can you stand?” She asked, but Ciel already had her face buried in her arms, “Crown? Oh, dear.”

“ _Servers_ …”

“What?”

“He’s mad at me, Rosmerta, I don’t know what to do. Oh, he’s mad at me.” She sighed heavily, stirring slightly on her seat. Rosmerta bent down closely, tempted by interest again, “Who’s mad at you?” She asked in a whisper. Ciel let out another sigh, “ _Serevus_.”

“Severus? Why? Do you want me to get him for you?” Rosmerta asked sincerely but Ciel shook his head, “He won’t come. He’s mad at me.” Rosmerta frowned and walked behind the counter, glancing at her every few moments while she quickly writes a letter, tying it to her owl and letting it fly to the castle.

**++🌻++**

The Hall was loud as always for dinner, students enjoying their meal while they talk with their friends like as if they didn’t just have the whole day to do that, the ceiling was just dark and the floating candles were all lit beautifully, a few seats were empty at the teachers’ long table in front and no one seems to be giving it any attention at all, except Lupin who asked all the teachers present if they’ve seen his friend. A lonesome owl flies over the diners, making all of them look up at it, following it with their eyes until it landed in front of Snape.

All the teachers and students were turned to him interestedly. “Who would be writing you?” McGonagall asked with feigned disbelief. Snape untied the letter and the owl flew away again as he brought the letter close to him to read.

_Professor Severus Snape,_

_I’m sorry for the very, very short notice, especially at this time, you must be having dinner. But Cielettere is in here and she’s not, at the moment, capable of getting back. I’m sorry, it was my fault, I kept giving her drinks. Can you please come and get her?_

_Rosmerta_  
_The Three Broomsticks_

Snape sighed.

“Who is it?” McGonagall nosily asked again, trying to peer in at the letter but Snape held it flat against his stomach, “A troublemaker.” He said quietly to himself, folding the letter again and keeping it in his pocket. “It’s Rosmerta. She’s asking for my assistance.” He said, as he finished his food. “With what?”

“If she wanted you to know, she would’ve written to you instead.” Snape replied with a duh look and McGonagall scowled at him. He got up from the table after draining his goblet before making his way out of the school before disapparating in front of the pub. He got in and Rosmerta immediately looked up, the anticipation leaving her face immediately, “Oh, Severus,” she said breathily, “I’m really sorry to have called you here this late, I would’ve called Lupin —” Snape glared at her for a second, “— but Ciel was saying your name so I just decided to call you out here instead.” She placed a hand on his arm and beckoned him to the corner where Ciel was resting, her face buried in her arms on the table. “She didn’t sound too drunk when we were chatting the whole time so I kept letting her pour herself some more — oh, I’m sorry, I should’ve checked the time. Can you take her back?” She looked up at Snape who nodded, “Can you help her on my back?” He asked and Rosmerta nodded, walking to Ciel and shaking her slightly while calling her but she wasn’t budging so she tried to get her to sit up, making Ciel groan. She glared angrily at the landlady for waking her up when she finally sat up. “I’ll take you to your bed, Crown, okay? Let’s stand up first.”

The word bed somehow convinced her to try to stand up with Romserta’s hand on both her arms, pulling her up. “Who’s that?” Ciel asked, squinting her eyes and pointing at Snape. Rosmerta quietly snorted as Snape furtively rolled his eyes, “It’s Severus, dear.”

“No, it’s not. He’s not coming ‘ere.” She yawned while Madam Rosmerta still tries to get her to wrap her arms around Snape. “It’s him, tell her Snape.” Rosmerta said breathlessly. “It’s not.” Snape replied in a bored tone and Rosmerta lightly slapped his arm. “It’s him, Crown. Just get on his back, he’ll bring you to bed.”

Ciel hesitated but did so anyway, her arms lazily wrapped around his neck and her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.” Snape told Rosmerta who smiled at the two, “I should be the one thanking you, and I’m sorry for the trouble.” she said apologetically. “It’s definitely not your fault, Rosmerta, she’s just trouble on her own.” Snape said lazily and Rosmerta scolded him quietly, “Don’t be like that. Whatever she did, she regrets it now.” she said with a sympathetic smile at Ciel, “she’ll be having a bad hangover tomorrow, she drank a lot so take care of her, okay?” She said, looking sternly at Snape. “I shall do what I can to be of a help for her.” Snape replied, jumping slightly to fix Ciel’s position on his back. “I know what it means when someone says that,” Romserta said bitterly, “they end up not helping.” She pointed at Snape accusingly, “You _better_. Make her drink water," she said, walking Snape to to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I have no idea what Rosmerta's last name is so it's just Rosmerta. (The letter sender)  
> Second, this took so long. I have a very busy month.  
> Third, happy holidays, hope you are all enjoying! Make sure to start the year 2021 right! Wish you all good tidings all the time!


	13. The Night Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, aren’t we friends still?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO THIS UPDATE TOOK FOREVER BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE AN EXPLANATION PLEASE STAY UNTIL THE END MWA ENJOY THIS CHAPTER WIE

The dark street of Hogsmeade greeted Snape when Rosmerta had opened the door for him. “Take care,” she said and Snape nodded curtly at her before walking out the cold night. The wind blew, making Ciel wrap Snape in a tighter hug, moving her face close to his neck. He walked slowly, careful not to shake Ciel a lot so her head wouldn’t throb even more. A few muffled chattering voices could still be heard from the open pubs of Hogsmeade, clinking glasses, laughters, and some disastrous singing. 

“Sev,” Ciel mumbled quietly, making Snape slightly turn his head to see her eyes closed, and he would’ve thought she was sleeping soundly had she not just spoken again, “you smell like Severus.” She said in a whisper, “Sev?” She called quietly. Snape didn’t say anything but continued walking carefully back to the school. “Sev?” She called again.

She was answered by another silence.

“SEVRERUS!”

“Hey — don’t shout!” Snape whispered-yell.

“Oh, it is you.” She said drunkenly whilst patting his chest lightly.

“I dreamt about you, Sev. For two weeks.” She mumbled after a moment of silence, “It was what was taking my sleep, I feel bad Remus had to worry about me and my dreams while I intentionally try to have them.” Snape slowed down his pace, ready to hear the rest of what she was going to tell him but she didn’t say anything anymore. “The dream was about?” He prompted quietly. Ciel still didn’t reply so he tried again, “What was your dream about?”

“Shhhhut up.” She slurred, “I want to sleep.”

“Tell me what the dream was about first,” he said but not in a demanding way but requesting, adding in a sincere voice, “ _please_.” 

“Just… I was hearing you call me,” she inhaled sharply, “I was trying to find out if it was really you so I kept neglecting my potion. And then I finally finished it when I slept in your room.” She mumbled. “What were the events in the dream, how come I was calling you?” He asked quietly, his steps careful and slow. “I think you were a death eater,” she said in barely above a whisper, he abruptly turned his head again to her direction like as if she’s just blatantly said something so offensive, “you were one of the Death Eaters who got to our house that night, they were asking me who the keeper is and where the other members of the Order are… you got there little later though, after _they_ were already killed. You told that woman who was tormenting me that I didn’t know anything… And she was mad at you, telling you to leave but the Death Eaters eventually did.

“You stayed.

“I just don’t know what happened next.” She let out another deep sigh, “It was just a dream, the part where you stayed proved it to be.” she sighed and Snape furrowed his eyebrows, “So you’re implying that I —”

“Shh,” Ciel interjected, drunkenly lifting her finger to Snape’s lips to attempt to shush him but hitting his nose instead, “I just think I got so tired of dreaming the real event that my mind created this escape, it’s stupid though because why were you a death eat — put me down.” She suddenly ordered and Snape panicked at the sudden demanding tone that he actually knelt down the ground so Ciel could get off. She ran to the side of the road to throw up, Snape running after her and holding her hair up, he looked both slightly disgusted and worried at the same time. “Why did you have to drink a lot?” He asked in a complaining manner. “Water.” Ciel croaked and she was going to fall down on where she threw up on but Snape immediately pulled her to him, making him stumble back and fall too. “Water.” She whined, gesturing a glass of water. “I’ll give you some at the castle.” Snape said but Ciel just ignored him, lying down on the stone ground. “Sleep.” She mumbled. Snape sighed, crawling to her side, “At the castle. Let’s go back alright?”

“Water.”

“At the castle.”

“Water.”

He sighed, drawing a goblet out of thin air, muttering _aguamenti_ and helping her sit up so she could drink. She lied back down on the ground after drinking, “Sleep.” She muttered, making Snape inhale and exhale deeply as if praying for all the gods to bless him with patience. He slipped his arm under her neck and knees, getting up and carrying her bridal style.

“Sev!” She whined again.

“What now?”

“Sev!”

“What?”

“ _Serervus_!”

“What? I’m listening?” He said, sounding exhausted.

“I dreamt about you again when you spilled my potion — remember that locket you gave me? What did you mean ‘look behind our smiles’? I don’t get it!!!”

“You’ll get it.” He said calmly, “Do you still have it in your possession — the locket?”

Ciel nodded, her eyes still closed and her face was cuddled in his chest. “Why did you stop wearing it?” He asked but Ciel did not answer. He was now inside the school grounds, looking warily around for people, students could still be heard inside the castle, walking around and chatting. He got in anyway, catching a few —let’s not lie — he caught everyone’s attention, the ghosts, the portraits, the students, and the teachers. Lupin ran to him worriedly, “What happened, is she okay?” He asked, looking down at Ciel’s sleeping figure. “She’s fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll take her up to her room.”

“I can take her up if it’s a bother to you.” Lupin said, making Snape glare irritably at him. “I am _very much_ fine with it, thank you.” He said, walking past him toward the stairs, leaving a puzzled Lupin behind and all eyes following him. He got to her room not long after, shutting the door behind him and sitting on the bed. As he bent forward to place her down, she wrapped her arms around his neck in fear that she might fall, but even as her body had touched the warm bed safely, she was still not letting go. He placed his hand over her arms to try and remove them but she hugged his neck tighter, pulling him closer to her and there was almost no space between their faces. “Leuna,” he tried to say loudly but it came out weaker, “Leuna,” he tried again in a loud enough voice to make her stir.

“Stay, Sev.” She whispered, opening her eyes. Her sleepy, hazel pair of irises stared at his black ones. She finally removed her hold on him and he moved back a bit, though he was still slightly bent forward at her, his hands leaning on the bed on either side of her.

“Sev.” Ciel called but in a quieter, calmer voice. “Are you still mad at me?” She asked, “I’m sorry you felt you weren’t being listened to. I’m sorry. I really feel bad.

Do you really not want to be friends with me again? 6 years is so short compared to 17 years of not talking to you. I would’ve thought seeing you again would meant we’d both be matured enough to talk properly, but then I let my sulking get to me.

I just feel unfair that… you defended them rather than try and stand up for me… I feel unfair because if — if it was — you would’ve stood up if it was someone else you…

I’m sorry. I really missed you and I’m glad I get to see you again at least. I was worried during the war.”

She sighed, rolling to her side and pulling her blanket up. “I just wish you felt the same.” He sat there, feeling worse than he had been feeling for the past two months; he thought if he just tried to forget about it, she’ll forget about it too. Usually, there was no necessities for apologies between them. He sat there, thinking about what to say or if he should say anything at all. She wouldn’t remember anything anyway.

“Can you not go?” She asked sleepily, patting on the space beside her and saving Snape for giving any reply, “She wanted to invite you home again for Christmas in our 7th year. She forgot we weren’t friends anymore.” She tugged lightly on his sleeve, “Sleep here, sleep here. I missed you!” She whined, tugging harder on his sleeves which he just lightly chuckled at even though he tried suppressing it.

“You haven’t taken your potion yet,” Snape said, gently removing her grip from him and standing up, “I’ll get it from Poppy. Don’t sleep yet. I’ll be back.” He said, standing by the door, he waited for a response, even the quietest grunt but it never came so he walked out of her office and hurried to the Hospital Wing, seeing the deputy Headmistress and the school matron talking, a goblet in the hands of the latter. They both turned, one with a knowing look and the other worried. “Here, Severus, Lupin told me to prepare it already and that you’d be the one to get it,” Poppy said as she walked toward him, “don’t spill it again.” She added sternly, handing over the goblet. “I didn’t know you were caring enough to go out at night just to go to Ciel.” McGonagall cooed but Snape rolled his eyes with a head shake, “A troublemaker.” McGonagall hummed loudly, looking up as if thinking, her arms crossed, “If she’s such a trouble, someone would be willing to take care of her, with love and care as well — Remus Lu —”

“I could do that!” Snape snarled, stomping away with the goblet, leaving two puzzled yet excited and giggly women. He hurried back to Ciel’s office and into her room where she was already sleeping soundly. He sighed, the bed dipping as he sat himself down beside her and putting the goblet of dreamless sleep potion on her bedside. “Leuna,” he called quietly while he shakes her gently. She stirred, groaning an annoyed ‘what?’ but continuing to sleep anyway, “the potion. You need to drink it before sleeping.” He said, helping her lazy, sleepy figure to sit up. She groaned again, glaring angrily at Snape, “What?”

“Do not glare at me,” he said, stifling a laugh, covering her face with his palm, “here, drink this.” She looked disgustingly at the potion, “What’s that?”

“Your potion. Just drink it.” He said. Ciel looked at her doubtfully but decided to trust him, drinking the potion, Snape’s hand still holding the goblet so she doesn’t spill it. She drank it in one gulp, lying back down and curling up. “Goodnight.” He said and he was going to stand up but she grabbed a hold of his sleeve, pulling him down on the bed, “I’m not supposed —”

“Oh, shut up.” She mumbled sleepily, “Goodnight.”

++🌻++

The next morning was a really bad morning, it felt like heaven and earth just collided on her head, she felt dizzy and nauseous. She stayed on the bed with her eyes closed, waiting for the spinning sensation to end. It was taking a little longer that she had enough time to think about what happened last night.

 _I drank_ , she told herself in her head, _a lot lot with Madam Rosmerta._ She doesn’t remember anything else, the details, she just knew she had a drink.

When the throbbing eased a bit, she finally pulled herself to sit up, cupping her own head in her hands with a sigh of deep regret for being reckless again. She turned to her right where her bedside drawer was and on it was a small bottle of what looked like a brewed potion, sitting on a small neatly ripped parchment bearing a note written in a handwriting she never thought she’d see again:

_Drink this for your headache before drinking water. Eat afterwards._

_S._

She snorted at the lack of sweetness in the letter, it was so strained and it was like sweetness was forcibly squeezed out and only a drop came out, but at the same time it was so him that she just couldn’t help but smile at it. Then it struck her, the thought immediately wiping the smile off her face: _was he in my room? How did he — did I say anything to Rosmerta?_

_Oh no._

_Oh no._

_What if I said something?_

_Or what if I did something?_

_Oh no. I hope nothing embarrassing._

She was seated overthinking the events of last night that she couldn’t even remember, making up dreadful scenarios in her head that make her want to pass away then and there. After calming down a bit, she finally took the potion and it did instantly relieve her off the throbbing headache and she drank water before heading to the bathroom to get dressed.

Meanwhile at the Great Hall where students were back chatting happily and excitedly as they gobble up their breakfast, Lupin was sat with a few teachers who were talking, no doubt, about the same thing students were talking about. It didn’t help when Snape suddenly burst into the room, looking unnecessarily pleased with himself. The chatting turned into restrained whispers of gossips and furtive looks toward the Potions Professor who couldn’t care any less about all the eyes on him. He sat a seat away from Lupin who immediately, without any more subtlety, got into the conversation he’s been itching to have since last night before getting to bed.

“Severus,” he started quietly so as not to catch any of the other teachers’ attention, “you didn’t come out of her room last night.” Snape’s lips drew a small smirk as he slightly turned his head to Lupin, “Great observation, Lupin, did you stand guard outside her office the whole evening?” He asked tauntingly while he fills his own plate, adding a snide comment under his breath, “I think you’re confusing dog duties with a wolf’s.” Lupin ignored the last remark and just went on, “Why didn’t you go out?”

Snape, though he didn’t think it necessary to answer, still replied just to annoy the DADA Professor, “Well, she asked me to stay, let’s see, hmm,” he hummed, as if thinking deeply what and what not to tell him, “she tugged on my sleeves and told me not to go.” Lupin nodded with a furtive eye roll, his jaw relaxing just as how fast it was clenched, he gave a sarcastic smile to Snape, “She was intoxicated, of course she’d ask anyone to stay —”

“Ah no,” Snape interjected, turning to him, “she specifically said: stay, Sev. And coincidentally, I happened to be Sev.” 

“You still shouldn’t have —”

“Forgive me,” he said loudly, cutting Lupin off, “but I fail to see how it concerns you what I do with her.”

“I happen to be her… _friend_. You stopped being her friend the moment —”

“Hey, you two alright?”

Both Professors looked behind them, Ciel was eyeing them with confusion etched on her face. If only a quarter of the students were murmuring excitedly and giggling about their own made-up scenarios and fanfictions a while ago, now definitely all of them were looking at the three who may or may not be clueless about it. The two men didn’t even notice the whispers getting louder when she entered the Hall as both of them were busy exchanging petty remarks. She pulled the seat between them, settling down, greeting the other Professors who looked at her more admiringly than always which she thought was weird, _what was going on?_ “Yes, definitely,” Remus answered with a smile, “how are you feeling?” He asked, pouring her a goblet-full of juice as he always did when they were seated together at meals. “Alright, I think?” She said with uncertainty, “I had a headache. But I’m all good now —” she turned to Snape who was trying to busy himself with his own meal, “Thanks for the potion, I… I want to talk next time.” She said and Snape gave Remus a subtle smug look before allowing himself to smile slightly at Ciel, “Of course.” He said in a pleasantly satisfied voice that confused her a bit but she just let it off.

“Here, Ciel, you should eat first.” Remus said, serving her her favourites on the breakfast table: pancakes and bacons. Snape scoffed, muttering loudly, “S’not like she couldn’t serve herself food.” Remus and Ciel turned to him, “I can, but he’s being a gentleman.” She said, adding in a soft voice, “Which I appreciate, really.” She turned to Remus, “Thanks, Rem.” 

Remus smiled brightly, proud of himself, before giving Snape a look which he returned with a cold, dead glare of plain irritation.

The breakfast with, at Ciel’s confusion, a weird atmosphere ended after less than half an hour, she and Remus were chatting happily the whole time, Snape only sending scowls at the two’s direction. 

“I didn’t do anything stupid last night, did I?” Ciel asked as she and Remus made their way out the Hall along with other rushing students. Remus didn’t answer immediately, he was thinking about what to tell her because he, too, didn’t know what had happened. He shook his head slowly, “N…o.” He answered uncertainly, both his hands in his pocket, “I only saw you getting back —” he was cut off his sentence when Snape walked past them, hitting him slightly on the shoulders, he turned around, gave Remus a small nod before walking off again. “What’s wrong with him now?” Ciel asked, watching his figure get swallowed by the crowd. “No idea.” Remus said with a shrug. Ciel pursed her lips for a moment, contemplating whether or not to talk with the Potions Professor now, he could be busy, but she was also curious as to how he somehow found out she drank last night. She turned to Remus who was looking outside the courtyard while they walk through the corridors, he was deep in thought, and she wanted to know what the thoughts were but she didn’t want to risk breaking a promise. “So, you were saying?” She finally said, raising her shoulders slightly. “What?” Remus asked back confusedly. “You were saying a while ago… you only saw me got back last night?” She said and Remus’s mouth opened slightly. “Right. Snape brought you back from Hogsmeade.” He said quietly. He was just looking outside the yard as he stopped on the side of the corridor to lean on the balustrade, “I think Rosmerta wrote him a letter to let him know you were there. He got one at dinner.” He added, still quietly. Ciel nodded, walking up beside him and leaning on the balustrade as well. 

They were both silent as they watched Hogwarts go on about its day, students here and there talking among themselves.

“Are you okay?” She asked, looking away from other people to see Remus’s expression, “You don’t look too happy, is everything alright?” Remus sighed, “Yes.” He replied shortly, still not bringing himself to look at her. She frowned at his response, not convinced in the slightest bit.

_‘No, but I don’t know why I feel—’_

“No!” She gasped loudly, cutting Remus’s thoughts off, and causing him to finally look at her, confused and worried. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” It was his turn to ask. She looked guiltily at him for a second; she broke the promise again, she’s reading his mind again. “Ciel?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, rubbing her face in exhaustion as she shook her head, “I’m okay — can we —” she looked at his anxious expression, “— can we not be too quiet… can you — not lie to me?” She said, looking away. Remus looked stunned for a bit.

“You’re doing it again.”

“You know I can’t help it when you’re so obviously lying to me. I get this urge to want to know —"

“But I don’t want you to know. Thoughts are — thoughts are private, Lett.”

“Which is why I tried to stop listening to yours since that day I promised you — but it’s not always that easy, Remus. I’m sorry.”

Remus didn’t say anything for a bit. He really looked angry this time — not that angry but rather displeased and in no mood to talk.

She leaned her head on his arm, “I’m sorry. I cut it off so don’t worry…” she said, hoping it’d at least make him less angry. “I find it hard to ignore thoughts… it’s like an emotional defence for myself when someone’s lying to me,” she mumbled, “remember when I told you… I used to automatically read the other kids at home when they’d lie to me saying they have other things to do but really they’re just thinking about other people to play with because they think that I’m weird…” 

++🥀++

_“Hi, can I play with you? I brought my own puzzles,” a seven-year old girl, named Cieletterre, tells her schoolmate, Jessie, excitedly, holding her bag out excitedly to the other girl, opening it and showing her the puzzle enthusiastically. Jessie gave a strained smiled, her eyes shooting everywhere in the room._

_‘Uhm…” She said, her thoughts running rapidly in her head that it was hard to even attempt to listen to one. “I’m actually going to not play today. I… I think I’m just going to finish something.” She smiled at Ciel who nodded understandably, “It’s o —”_

‘Who would want to play with you? Everyone knows you’re the weird girl — a freak.’

_Ciel blinked a couple of times, swallowing a lump in her throat. “I-it’s okay… uhm… bye, Jessie.” She said, scurrying away from her schoolmate._

++🥀++

Remus sighed, looking at Ciel solemnly. “I’m not one of those kids — I’d never think you’re weird, okay? There are just some thoughts that I don’t want you to know _yet._ I want to be able to tell them to you personally when I’m ready.” He explained, taking her hand in both of his and patting it. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad, don’t worry.”

“Don’t sorry, I just feel bad even more.” Ciel smiled dryly, squeezing Remus’s hand before letting out a long sigh, “Come on, let’s go find something to do.”

++🌻++

“I’ll see you at dinner.” Ciel said, she was already halfway up the staircase as Remus stopped at his office’s floor. “You will. See you too, Lett.” He smiled warmly. Ciel smiled back before rushing up to her office.

They spent three-quarters of the day in the Staff room just talking, sometimes helping other teachers with things they could help with, chatting with them in the process, and then back to talking with just the two of them when the other teachers leave the room. 

It didn’t feel like a long day at all and they could have talked some more but Ciel remembered Snape and wanting to talk to him even for a bit.

She got to her office, pulled open her drawer and took out the green paper-wrapped, small box that she wanted to give Snape last time when she asked him to look after her class for her. She grabbed her small mirror and fixed her hair, tucking a piece behind her ear. She took out her lipstick from the drawer and was about to put it on her lips when her reflection stared back at her confusedly, “Why are we putting on lipstick?” She asked ridiculously to her mirror, rolling her eyes and letting out a short laugh as she keeps her lipstick back in her drawer. 

“I hope he takes this now,” she breathed, looking at the small gift and walking out of her office again and down the stone stairs, smiling at the people in the paintings she walked by. She was close to the stairs down to the dungeon when she saw Snape at the corridor, eyeing her suspiciously like she was up to something troublesome again.

For some reason, she got nervous and immediately pocketed the small gift, laughing nervously at him when his eyes glanced at her now empty hand. “Hi — thank god, I saw you here, I thought I needed to walk down the empty staircases again.” She said breathlessly with an awkward laugh, “Can we talk?” 

“In my office.” He said shortly, walking ahead of her. She huffed, slouching for a second on where she stood before jogging up beside him. “Do you — uh — want to go get something to eat instead? Your office is eerie, you know.” She mumbled, her hand furtively trying to flatten her pocket where she shoved the gift in. “Too many students in the Great Hall.” He replied quietly, “I could already hear their thoughts from here the moment we enter that Hall.” He added, making Ciel frown a bit, “Well it will be worse when they see me walking out your office.” She said shrugging slightly. Snape didn’t say anything, so she muttered quietly, “But I suppose it’s better to talk where no one’s gaping at you the whole time… so office it is.”

She accidentally bumped into his back when he stopped in front of his door, causing him to look back at her with a ‘really?’ look. “Sorry,” she said, “I checked back for students in case they… you know… lock the door again.”  
He opened his door and pushed it open, stepping aside the way. 

She smiled like a child, peeking in his office and then glancing at him. He wasn’t getting in yet so she pursed her lips and asked, “Something wrong?”

He gestured for her to get in. “No, it’s alright, you can get in —”

“Just,” he inhaled, closing his eyes, “just get in and try not to make things too difficult.”

She snorted quietly and got in. She sat on his seat behind his desk and leaned on the table. “So I actually wanted to —”

“Off my chair.” He demanded, waving his hand for her to leave. She drew him a seat in front of the desk and went on talking, ignoring his furrowed brows, “As I was saying. I just wanted to ask about last night, you know, I can’t function properly when I’m dying with curiosity.”

“F’course you can’t.” He muttered sarcastically, sitting down reluctantly on the seat she gave him.

“Just tell me what happened and don’t lie or cut parts off, I’m fairly good at legilimency.”

“And I happen to be really good at occlumency.” He riposted and Ciel just mockingly rolled her eyes, “Remus said you brought me back last night. How?”

“I walked you… why does it matter how? Couldn’t you just ask something else?”

“Fine, anyway, Remus told me he thinks Rosmerta wrote to you… So I’ll just stick with that,” she said, humming slightly, “I didn’t do anything stupid, did I?”

“Numerous.”

She looked at him with a cringing expression, “Like what?”

“You got drunk. You threw up on the side of the road. You lied down next to your puke —”

“Alright wait,” she interjected, “on second thought, I think I’m better off not knowing. What I’m really curious to know is how you got into my room this morning.”

“I didn’t. I got in last night —”

“And you didn’t leave, why?”

“ _You_ tell me why, who grabbed me last night and squeezed my arm and whined whenever I tried to leave and —”

“ _AHHHHHHHH_ SHUT UP!” She screamed, covering her face in embarrassment. She sighed after a moment, and looked up, “Let’s never talk about it ever again —”

“Don’t you want to hear what you told me then?”

She swallowed and blinked a couple of times, “What did I tell you?”

“Nevermind, it slipped my mind.” He replied boringly. “Don’t tell me then, but I’m sure that whatever I said, I meant it.”

“Really? You confessed your love.” He said casually like how he always talked to her when they were young and he wasn’t an iceman yet. She was so focused on how he spoke that she almost missed what he said was about.

“I DID WHAT NOW —” A second wave of panic dawned on her and her face was burning red, “Oh, god, except that, I was definitely drunk.”

He hid his amusement under and eyeroll and waited for her face to go back to its normal colour. He was just staring at her, like as if he was so visibly seeing how the red colour was washing away from her face like paint. She looked at him weirdly and then checked if there was something behind her, but it was just the wall, she turned back to him again, “What? Don’t stare into nothing like that, you’re scaring me.”

“You hid something in your pocket, what was it?” He asked, tilting his head down a bit as if gesturing under the table. “I —” she sucked on her cheek and bit on it for a quick second, “I didn’t.”

“Oh, but you did.”

“— wasn’t hiding it,” she said, “was just saving it for later — which is now.” She reluctantly reached for the box inside her pocket and placed it on the table without looking at him. The wrapping of the box shined despite the dimly lit room. “It’s the thank-you gift that I bought you last month. And you never took it,” she shrugged, “I’m thanking you again today for going through all the trouble for me last night and now I’m attempting to give it to you again.”

She finally gathered her courage and met his gaze. He squinted his eyes a bit and then took the gift. She mentally let out a sigh of relief. “What is it?” He asked, tugging lightly on the end of the ribbon but not enough to untie it. “Just a random thing I found, definitely doesn’t mean anything, just a thanks, I saw it on the counter and thought it’d be nice if you had one of it and you know, I don’t know, I just think it —”

“Alright, stop. Thanks for answering my inquiry.” He said sarcastically, cutting her off from her babbling. “Hey, don’t open it now,” she said, reaching for it when he untied the knot, “I don’t want to see your reaction.”

“Really? You said you liked it when I open your gifts.” He said, again so casually that she thought they were back in 4th year again. She opened her mouth for a second and then closed it again, but then opened it again to reply, “I did when we were friends, you were less rude then so you never made fun of my gifts.”

“Well, aren’t we friends still?”

“No — wait —” She leaned back on the seat, her mind now exploding with the five words he just uttered, unsure of the proper reaction or response, she wasn’t even sure if she was still capable of thinking straight.

_Wait, we’re friends? Again? We’re friends again. Oh my god. Wait, I heard it right, right? He was implying that we’re still friends, wasn’t he? Or was my brain just so desperate to be friends with him again that it started making things up? No, I definitely heard him right. He said we were friends still. Like as if we never fought —_

“Oh, lovely, vials.” His words took her out of her panic as he pulled one empty vial from the small box that she just gave him. It was bewitched with an extension charm, holding two vials inside. “A moon.” He said quietly, more to himself, and for a second he looked sentimental as he stared at the cresent-shaped moon inscribed on the face of the vial. He pulled out the other vial from the box and stared at the sun on it’s face. He was staring at the two for a bit while Cieletterre was just pretending to be staring at his wall while he took in the gift.

“How many are in here?” He asked, shaking the box slightly. “What? Where?” She asked, pretending to not know what he was on about, “Oh, you opened the gift _ha ha_ — there are only two in there, they came in pairs. I thought it looked good. And you liked potions so maybe you could make use of them. They’re just normal vials though —”

“Okay, I just asked how many,” he said breathlessly, “can you not panic every time you give me a gift?” He asked, getting up and carefully placing the vials in on his shelf. He placed it in front where it was easiest to be seen, “I have an idea what to put in there, but we’ll do it next time.”

“ _We’ll?_ ” She whispered to herself, gaping at Snape who was just looking proudly at his potion-filled shelf.

“Now come on. Great Hall. It’s almost dinner, arriving late will just worsen the talks.” He said, gesturing to his door. She didn’t say anything anymore and just followed him outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, so I am going to have to put this on hiatus or on hold because I am currently trying to get into a nice university and I am taking Nursing as a pre-med (pls wish me luck) so I am going to have to focus on my study for a while. I promise, I'll still take time to write and update because I've got good plans for this story and I am also planning for a prequel and I don't want to abandon that idea!  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading today's update! I appreciate every single soul.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments or anything, everything's appreciated and they all make me happy, I'm also open to criticisms. Thank you!
> 
> If you have questions about the story, feel free to ask!


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